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    bad day (triggs)
    shanastash posted:
    I am having a bad day today, i even told Facebook that i won't be returning for a couple of weeks.

    I have 2 friends on there that are preggo, and today one of them went into labor, which is really exciting!...but if plans had gone correctly or at least how i wish them to have gone, i would be in that prediciment soon too. and so anyway, she posted it as her status, and a couple more friends chimed in at how exciting that is...which it really truly is, but hit me with a ton of bricks. and i have another friend doing her own countdown, which is 3 days before my "old" due date, which just hits me again...

    and i told darrin that web md is messed up and so now i feel lost because i don't have my ladies who have been there and i don't have them to support me...all while crying.

    just not a good day for me...and its only gonna get worse (i fear) because its getting closer and closer to the due date. I had to ask for the 17, 18, & 19 off from work because if i am acting like this and its 2.5 weeks away, i can't imagine how i will be the week of!?!

    I also went to church tonight (lentin service) and the sermon was about burl wood. about how in nature, things (environment, bugs, infections) can "burl" into a tree and cause a bump on it and come to find out, even though it is a "freak of nature" it is actually hugely sought after...So like us, humans, we go through life having obsticles and getting hurt and having tragidies, but Jesus, who is our carpenter, who can make the most beautiful pieces with our tragidies and obsticles, like the carpenters who make beautiful pieces with chunks of "defective" wood. Anyway, the whole time, pastor was just looking at me and darrin...he knew what happened, and is always asking how we are...

    Sorry if some of you are religious, but i thought i would share with you, that once again, i have come out of a sermon, with just a little more faith than when i went in! it was a good end to a bad day!
    Allison33438 responded:
    (((((hugs)))))) I hope today is a better day for you; I'm not near my EDD yet... so I can only imagine how you're feeling ... but the thought of it makes me want to break down and throw up, so I'm guessing it's a little like that.

    ((((more hugs)))) Thanks for sharing the sermon story. I'm trying hard to tell myself that I'm not defective - so your words really struck home with me today.
    shanastash replied to Allison33438's response:
    Nobody is defective. I do not know your faith background, but during this past year, my faith has grown tremendously. i know that some people start to have little to no faith after the loss of a baby, but for some reason, i never even got mad. i am not sure if i even had a "true" faith before it. I believed in God, and Jesus, but I didn't have that "connection" KWIM? and now that i have an angel up there, i have that now. i don't preach, because i was preached to, and i hated it, but i do share sometimes a sermon or even a passage, that relates to my life somehow, and with all you ladies, it might relate to you all i pass it on.

    I hope you can find a way to think differently about how you feel. you are not defective. i know it may feel that way, but you are not. i wish you a peaceful mind and an open heart.

    (((BIG HUGS!)))
    Dyzkneegrl replied to shanastash's response:
    Thank you so much for sharing the sermon. I am having a bad day today myself. Comforting words that I really needed to hear. I will be thinking of you especially the 17th, 18th , and 19th!

    brandib01 responded:
    i also appreciate that sermon excerpt. if you don't mind i would like to repost it on my endo board. it is very helpful to remind women who have had losses or continuous health issues that there is a plan and things are not as bad as they could be.
    shanastash replied to brandib01's response:
    of course! pass it on! :smile:
    TeacherBeck responded:
    I'm sorry you had such a bad day and I am really happy for you that it had a "good" ending.
    I am hoping that more ladies will be joining on here as we all get used to some of the changes. I am still kinda new, but I have noticed several ladies on here from our old boards. Try not to get to discouraged, there are still a bunch of us here for support :)
    Prayforamiracle responded:
    I'm so sorry you're feeling so down. I feel like those days are quite often for me. I hope your upcoming due date, is not too difficult for you to bear. I wish we didn't have to go through this. I'm hoping that all our ladies will rejoin webmd soon. We all have our times when we need to rely on each other. Big hugs coming your way.
    cmcintyre23 replied to shanastash's response:
    I'm right there with you Shana!! Since our EDD was basically the same I'm find it really really hard right now. I'm fighting back tears multiple times a day. I thought about taking at the least the day off...but now I have training that day so I have to be at work.

    Like I said before everyone is pregnant around me too and my best friend (who is pregnant) just doesn't get it. She complains to me everyday about how fat she's getting and how she has to spend money on new clothes...and it hurts me so bad because I would kill to be in her shoes.

    It's always in the back of my mind but we just have to keep remembering that it WILL happen for us. Hopefully sooner rather than later :smile I figure if I can get through this month and past "the date" it should be smooth sailing from here...
    shanastash replied to cmcintyre23's response:
    Yes, and i know i can make it. i know it's not actually going to kill me, but emotionally, it has already begun.

    Daisy, who is a really close friend, just found out today, that she is having a girl. She also had a m/c in Sept of 08.

    I don't think i ever actually said it on here or not, but we were told that our baby was forming into a girl. and today 2 baby girls were born and they were due about 2-3 days before or after me...

    I don't know if its that thing about finding out that Daze is having a girl, or hearing that Jess and Kelley had their babies already, but it is hitting me hard. All i can think about is, "it should be us having our little girl"...and i can't talk to darrin about THAT feeling because he is choosing not to remember that the doc told us that. we didn't want to know and apparently our doc never got that message! and i talked to a nurse at the hospital where we delivered our baby, and she said that not even the hospital has that record, so how could our he is choosing not to think that. but since i was already having that "girl" feeling, and then to hear confirmed what i knew all along...and now it's hitting me again.

    i know i can't, but i just wanna curl up and stay in bed until the 19th comes. and to make matters "ironic" even more, i am supposed to get AF on the 17th. which means if i am late, i can actually take a preggo test on the 18th. i don't know if i want to. it won't be the baby i was pregnant with, it would be a different one, sharing that date. i don't know if i want to. i mean i do, to make it not be as bad, to bring good news...but what if it is a BFN?

    what do you think? should i wait until the 19th to test? or should i test on the 17th? and make it a St. Patricks day suprise?
    mel07430 responded:
    I am sorry you are having a bad day. BIG (((((HUGS))))) to you. Hang in there. We are here for you!!!
    TeacherBeck replied to shanastash's response:
    Wow! I am so sorry that your EDD and your AF/POAS dates are so intertwined this month. I am not sure what to suggest... if it were me I'd be just as stuck about what to do. I was so disappointed last month when AF came that I cried, and I can't imagine having to deal w/ the EDD at the same time. :sad:
    My little boy's EDD in Dec was so hard.... it was the 22nd, so it seemed that everywhere was celebrating familes & kids along w/Cmas, & I just felt so SAD. Also, a girl at church had a boy the week Jackson should have come, and I still can't look at her (or her LO); it's just too hard. But my friends who have had girls (while still difficult), it just doesn't have the same sting. So IMO you are totally "normal" for feeling that way about baby girls, it hits too close to the heart for you right now.
    I wish there was a way to make it better ::HUGS:: I would like to share that I've felt better/more normal since the EDD, so maybe once that passes you'll feel a little lifted, too. Not that it was suddenly all better but I just felt that a milestone had passed and I could move forward even with the hurt in my heart. I am thinking about you & praying for you this next week.
    old sig (sigh)
    Becky-29, DH- 36 TRIGS: m/c @ 20 wks Jackson(Aug '09)
    1 Furbaby Cat- Clark Kent
    cmcintyre23 replied to shanastash's response:
    I've been going over every possible situation in my head trying to think of which one would be better. I would test on the 17th and then if it is a BFN (which FX I hope it isn't) then you have time to process it before you have to go back to work. Then if it is a BFP then you guys have time to celebrate!! This is assuming you don't work weekends?! How was that for a round-a-bought answer??

    No situation is going to be ideal around that time - it's going to be difficult no matter what. Just see how you feel then and just go with what your gut tells you.

    I've been POAS once a week since I'm now on CD62. Probably should make a call to the doctor but I don't know if I should call my family doctor or my specialist...oh well I just can't wait for March to be over and done with.

    I think April is going to bring good things for both of us!! Hang in there chicky!!

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