Trying to Conceive: After Loss Community

So, its bad news for me here. Thursday morning I woke up to some light brown spotting. I immediately freaked out and called the doctor. They said I could come in first thing to listen to the heart beat. They said it was unlikely that I was m/c because I had made it so far (I was 11 weeks 3 days). By the time I got to the doctor's office the spotting had just about stopped so I was feeling better. Then I went back with the midwife to listen for the hb. She could not find one but said that is common at this far along so I went in for an ultrasound. There was no heart beat and the baby was only 9 weeks. My (and DH's) heart sank. I started crying uncontrollably. Even DH was crying this time--which he does not often do. Eventually we were able to meet with a doctor. I had never met her before but she seems to be the silver lining in this whole heartbreaking story. Since I have now had 3 in a row I am categorized as having "recurrent miscarriage" and they will start some testing. The other doctor I had been seeing had more of a "these things happen...keep trying" kind of attitude. The bad news is that this testing has to be done during a non pregnant state. So, I have to wait until I get AF after this m/c then we will test during that cycle (so we can not be trying then). and after that we can hopefully start trying (depending on the results of the tests I guess). By my calculations if AF takes 6-8 weeks from now and then another month after that, we will not be trying again until july. This breaks my heart but I guess maybe we'll get some answers and hopefully find a solution.

The rest of the story of my weekend from hell...At the doctor's on Thursday, I was scheduled for a D&C on Saturday. Woke up on Friday morning to some very heavy bleeding (you know how they say go to the ER if you are soaking through a pad an hour. I was soaking through them in about 20 minutes and passing a lot of tissue. So, DH took me to the hospital where I almost passed out as soon as we go there. They decided to to the D&C right away and the anesthesiologist did something to my thoat when she put the breathing tube in and it is still sore this morning. So I have been on the couch crying and sleeping pretty much since Thursday. I am compeltely heart broken. I thought we were just 5 days away from the magical 12 weeks and then to have it all ripped away from us. Oh, and the D&C ended up having to be done in the labor and delivery OR so my DH is out in the waiting room there and gets asked by two seprate people if his "little one was on the way?". How awful. This whole experience sucks. I feel like it is so not fair and I don't know what to do. We have decided to start looking into adoption while still trying to conceive on our own...just in case since it is a long process. This one seems to hurt so much more. I just dont understand how we saw a hb at 7 weeks and again at 9 weeks and then it all just stopped. I am feeling so guilty now for not taking the progesterone but the doctor said not to--b/c low pro miscarriages usually end very early and pass from the mother on their own. Its a little comforting but I still cant help but feel that it was something I did or ate or expesed myself to??? I am just feeling so sad and depressed.

Thanks for listening