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only you guys will understand.....
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woody1983 posted:
Hi guys!

I have been mia for a bit, I guess I am having a hard time dealing with some internal demons. So....we have been ttc for about 10 months now without success. I finally got my doc to refer me to an RE and blood work came back showing my thyroid function is off. Now, I don't have a thyroid gland and take synthroid already. This is monitored every 6 months or so and in Oct. it was fine. Now, it is crazy. So we are working on it.

SO here is what only you will understand. Everytime I see a bfp, especially by people who had babies right around the same time my pal baby was born, I cringe. I have an extreme hate in my body and I don't like it at all. I actually am trying to get over this but I just cannot. It has actually affected my ability to stay in contact with some great friends. I hate myself for it. What can I do about this? anyone? I have never had problems getting preggo just staying that way.

Tia!

Carrie
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britt200408 responded:
Your second paragraph is like it was taken straight from my brain. It is EXACTLY how I feel and, like you, I don't like it. I don't want to feel this way. I have never been a jealous or hateful person before. It's hard, though. Something was taken from you for no apparent reason. Now, every time you see someone else have what you should have, it's like it's being shoved in your face and you're being teased. The people aren't doing this on purpose, of course. And we all know that it isn't anyone's fault, ours or theirs, that we had a m/c and they didn't. But you can't help how it FEELS.

I had a m/c in November. My sister-in-law had a baby in March which was wonderful and exciting, but tough to deal with the jealousy. My little sister is now due in June, 2 days before I was due. That came with even more jealousy and hatred, especially in the first few months after my m/c. Just when I thought I was getting used to dealing with my emotions towards them, my best friend announced she is 9 1/2 weeks pregnant. This is the hardest one to deal with because they already have 4 kids, she is 24 years old (2 are her husband's f/m a previous marriage), and to top it all off they are on welfare while she finishes nursing school. They planned to have another child, knowing that they already couldn't support the 4 they already have!! GGRRRR it infuriates me to no end!! But, I have not said one negative thing to her. I have managed to bite my tongue, congratulate her, and just try not to get involved in her business. I don't agree with her decision to plan this baby right now, and I am insanely jealous and just plain angry that my husband and I waited until we could support another child to plan our second one, only to lose it. Why the hell does she get to keep hers?!

I have found that having a 3rd party to vent to really helps. I don't want to say anything to my sister or my friend, because it isn't really their fault. I might not agree with their decisions, but I wouldn't want anyone butting in my business if they didn't agree with our family planning. So, I call my aunt and I vent to my husband. I know they will never say anything, and they don't judge me for feeling the things I do.

So I guess my advice is to try to find a sort of neutral person that you trust. Even if it is just on here, go ahead and vent when you need to. I find it's easier to maintain my relationships with these women if I don't have all of those negative feelings bottled up inside. It is tough, though. It completely sucks. But what you're feeling is normal! Remind yourself of that, and remember that your loss was nobody's fault, especially your own.

I hope my rambling helped in some way. If you want to message me just to vent, I would be more than happy to listen. Good luck and take care of yourself!
Brittanie(23), DH Josh(24), DS Jacob(3). BFP 10-01-11, m/c 11-11-11
 
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prayforamiracle responded:
I'm so sorry that you have been going through such a tough time. I hope they will be able to get your thyroid under control soon.

I certainly understand all the emotions you are going through. I have a hard with understanding how some get to have babies, when they are horrible parents. They put their children's lives at risk, because they have no care or concern for them and I would do anything in my power to try to protect them if they were mine. It isn't fair.

I wish I had some magic answer to this, but I have yet to find it. Sending hugs and hoping better days are ahead.
Prayforamiracle-Me(37)Dh(44)TTC since 11/06. Only pregnancy ended in miscarriage in 7/07. Dealing with MFI. Anovulatory and irregular cycles due to PCOS. 1st IUI 1/12=BFN, 2nd IUI 2/12=BFN
 
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vybe77 responded:
Boy do I ever know what you ladies are talking about..I think I could write a book about feelings of jealousy over others who are pregnant..add in others who are pregnant who don't deserve to be and then I could start a series
I m/c this past March and last August..this past m/c has left me feeling in a rush to try again, nothing more than that..
But last summer's m/c was a whole other story..I found out I was pregnant and it was such a shock..although we had been wanting another, my DF and I took a break from being together last summer to work on some long standing issues..two weeks after we got our BFP..needless to say I didn't know how to feel about it at first..
But then of course we were elated and so we doubled our efforts at trying to make things work..
Six days after my BFP I started to spot and at first I thought nothing of it since I had spotted with my last successful pregnancy at exactly the same time (6 weeks)..it became obvious pretty quickly that this was more than spotting and so I went to the ER where they said m/c..
Five days later I m/c completely and started my slow process of healing..
Prior to finding out I was pregnant I had met a girl at work who was 18 and irresponsible..she had had two previous abortions and thought that it was just a part of life..she had been telling me how her new BF wanted to get her preggo but she was resisting because she wanted to enjoy life (and rightly so at 18)..a few days after I got my positive she announced that she was going to let her BF get her pregnant..that just didn't make any sense to me since she had just been telling me otherwise, but I thought nothing of it and figured it would take them awhile to conceive anyhow..a few days after that I m/c..
One month later, I'm returning to work from a week's vacation, only to find out that she was indeed already pregnant..I became so ferociously jealous of her and her pregnancy I was barely able to talk with her after that..luckily she ended up quitting her job so I didn't have to force myself to talk to her..
Not long after that one of our TTCAL members announced her pregnancy and I felt the same way..I knew then that it had nothing to do with the 18 yr old's choices in life that had made me upset, it was that they were pregnant and I wasn't..
Since then the TTCAL member has given birth but the 18 yr old hadn't yet..yes I've kept in contact with her since then.. she is having a girl (which is what I would of wanted) and she is expecting her in May (which incidentally I would love to have a spring baby) so I guess I still have lingering jealousy (ha!)
But I've been able to understand that it's because I so desperately want another baby that I feel this way..how can we not feel these feelings when someone else is blessed with that which our hearts so desires?
Time helps to make things feel better but I think they linger with us..it's normal we care..
I hope time will bring you the positive you need to make you feel whole..
P.S. I also have had no trouble getting pregnant, just my baking time is way off..
Mom of 4 hopes to have 1 more
 
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michelle063007 responded:
Tia
I wish I had an answer for you...all I can say is that I know exactly how you feel. I work for Head Start so I am constantly surrounded by people who seem to have no problem having 3,4,5 or more children that they can not afford and usually pay little attention to. (I should follow that up by saying that this is NOT ALWAYS the case--there are really good families in Head Start that do a great job with parenting but many times it is the other way and I get frustrated seeing that day in and day out). This year alone 3 moms of children in my room were pregnant and had babies while I cant even have one. That jealousy deamon is so hard to get past. I dont know what to say.

As for losing contact with good friends, I know that feeling too. My best friend and I were 7 weeks apart the first time I got pregnant. Then I lost that baby and 2 more since then. I feel like when I am pregnant we are really close but after a m/c she does not know what to say to me so she avoids me. Or, we were planning on going to an even at a local winery but the next time they have the event is on Mother's day and I said I figured everyone would be spending that day with their family but she said "Eh, someone else could watch the baby...sounds like a good mothers day to me" and it would be her first! I dont know if she says these things to spare my feelings or something but it took her 3 years and two rounds of invitro to get pregnant--she should know just as well as anyone how hurtful comments like that are to people who do not have babies. We also have another friend who had a baby a few months after my first m/c and not only was I jealous of her (I felt left out with the two of them preggo together) but then she did not invite me to her baby shower. I was so hurt.

I dont know if I have an answer to getting over these feelings...just maybe share the feelings here on the board where we understand (and wont judge if you call them mean names or say that you want to punch their pregnant bellies as I often feel) and then try to be the bigger person when you are around them in order to keep good friendships.

Good Luck...I know its so hard.
Me (28), DH (34), TTC since 7/10, BFP 6/5/11, m/c 6/25/11, BFP 8/27/11, m/c 9/8/11, BFP 2/7/12, m/c 3/30/12
 
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woody1983 responded:
I just don't even know how to feel right now..

I just seeing BFP everywhere and it is killing me slowly inside. Then...just yesterday my very irresponsible future sister in law tells me she had her IUD removed. She has some medical issues she needs to get taken care of first! I am so upset at her! On top of it, she has had 2 pregnancies and is able to get pregnant at the drop of a hat! I am beginning to hate her....which is awful

Oh man ladies...I need an intervention...where is the chocolate!!!


Carrie
 
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teacherbeck replied to woody1983's response:
(((((hugs)))))) Carrie. It's always hard to hear about BFPs (or possibility of BFPs) when you are TTC, but it is doubly hard when it is someone who you feel is irresponsible, uncaring, or otherwise undeserving or unappreciative.
I recently had a family situation where someone is pg, someone who treats their DS like crap and then "accidentally" is pg again. Then there was me WANTING a baby and using OPKs every month. It was not a good feeling for sure!

I know I am not totally in the same boat; it did take us over a year to get pg with ^Jackson^ but since then we have had better luck. But I do understand how upsetting it is to want something so badly and see it happen for people who don't seem to appreciate it.

I hope your medical issues are evening out, and that soon it is YOU celebrating the BFP.
Oh, and Chocolate can be a very good thing I reccomend a few squares of Dove dark chocolate and a cup of hot tea!! (((hugs)))
Becky(31) DH(38); 1 furbaby: Clark Kent

TRIGGS: After 1yr TTC bfp april '09 lost @ 20wks precious Jackson 8-06-09
TTCAL grad, sweet Juliet born 12-10-10 Praise God!


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Peeing on Dandelion leaves to determine PG... Seriously.. read this :)
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