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    trying again and confused
    An_246320 posted:
    My husband and I began trying to get pregnant about 6 months ago. Last month we were thrilled we were pregnant but within a week I had what they called a chemical pregnancy. I know most of the women on this site were further along when they had thier miscarriage but it hurt so much. I was only 5 weeks but it felt awful. They said we could starting trying right away and we have. Now the waiting is killing me to see if AF comes this month or if we were lucky again. I am home for the summer as I am a teacher and although I try to keep busy it is really eating at me, Will we be lucky enough, will i do soemthing wrong to cause a loss again???. Suggestions on how not to think about it or deal with the hurt that i feel from the loss. My husband has taken the approach that if there was no heartbeat it wasn't really a baby yet (he struggles to deal with things like this) but that isn't helping me any and I am not sure how to talk to him about it or get my mind off the loss and the trying again. Can anyone help me.
    britt200408 responded:
    First of all, I'm very sorry for your loss. I want to remind you that you did nothing to cause it and this is not your fault, but I know it's hard not to play the 'what if' game.

    I had a missed miscarriage in November and found out at my first ultrasound. Should have been almost 10 weeks, but they said there was no development after about 6 weeks. It doesn't matter how early it was because it is still a loss. Logically, you can tell yourself that it was so early that you shouldn't be THIS upset. But that didn't really work for me...believe me, I tried. My advice would be to just ride it out and try not to hold back when you really need a cry. All of these feelings of loss, guilt, jealousy, confusion, anger...they will just come flooding in with no warning, especially at the beginning.

    I can understand where your husband is coming from, and maybe that helps him cope with it and feel more at peace. Knowing that my baby never really had to feel any pain because we didn't get that far in development helped me feel a little better.

    About a month after the m/c I decided that I needed something physical, because I was so afraid of forgetting about my little one, especially when we started trying to conceive again. So I made a charm bracelet (like knock-off pandora style bracelet) and I absolutely love it. It has become such a comfort for me to choose each charm because it means something. It's not overly obvious, so I don't get those uncomfortable questions and it's not like I'm advertising it, but it's enough for me to feel like I'm honoring the memory and will always carry a piece of my little one with me.

    I know you have probably been told that it just takes time, but it really does. You will feel things that you don't want to feel, like the guilt and the jealousy and anger. But it is all completely normal. I think you will always have some sadness there, but it does get less intense and less frequent as time goes on. Just be patient with yourself and have a support system in place. These boards are wonderful, or if you have any trusted non-judgemental relatives/friends, that is wonderful, too. Sometimes you just need to get it all off your chest.

    Good luck in your journey and I sincerely hope you find peace and comfort soon. We're all here if you need anything!
    Brittanie(24), DH Josh(25), DS Jacob(3). BFP 10-01-11, m/c 11-11-11
    Basteach3 replied to britt200408's response:
    I am waiting to see if af comes this month but am full of questions. One is does every woman experience implantation bleeding? Can I assume if I don't bleed I am not pregnant? I don't go to my gym until August but am full of questions now. I am switching gyn because mine said she wouldn't take me as an ob patient so I am switching to someone who will see me now and once I get pregnant if I do.
    ani05 responded:
    Sorry for your loss! It doesn't matter how early it happens a loss is a loss b/c as soon as you see that positive pregnancy test you start dreaming about your baby and the future.
    Don't blame yourself,it wasn't your fault.
    Only 20-30% of women will have implantation bleeding.I didn't have any IB in any of my pregnancies.Check out this link.Hopefully it helps.Good Luck.
    Ani(30),DH(31),DD(6).TTC for baby no.2 since 05/2009.BFP on 03/02/2011,M/C on 03/11/2011.BFP on 04/12/2012,M/C on 05/02/2012.
    Basteach3 replied to ani05's response:
    Thank you. I am really glad I found this board and I wish all of us luck in trying to conceive. If I post more questions as they come up will u try to help me? As I said right now I really don't have a doctor and I am uncomfortable talking to my friends about some of this.
    britt200408 replied to Basteach3's response:
    Ani is correct, from what I've read it's about 20-30% that experience some kind of implantation bleeding. I never had it with my son or with the second pregnancy.

    We will all try to help you as much as we can! If you ever have any serious problems, though, make sure you call a doctor or hospital instead of posting online! haha I know that's common sense, but I have seen some weird stuff on the internet! Otherwise, you've found a group that has lots of different experiences so someone should be able to answer your general ttc/miscarriage questions. It can be confusing going through this, especially if you're in the process of switching doctors.
    Brittanie(24), DH Josh(25), DS Jacob(3). BFP 10-01-11, m/c 11-11-11
    Basteach3 replied to britt200408's response:
    Thank guys are awesome. I am glad I found this community.
    Basteach3 replied to Basteach3's response:
    how soon before a missed period does a HPT usually wwork? Last time I waited until I was a few day late.
    britt200408 replied to Basteach3's response:
    Some of them say you can get a positive as early as 5 days before, but I never have. My best friend started testing 5 days before and didn't get a positive until the day before. I tested a few days late with DS and then I tested on the first day my period was supposed to show last time and got a very faint positive.
    Brittanie(24), DH Josh(25), DS Jacob(3). BFP 10-01-11, m/c 11-11-11
    ani05 replied to Basteach3's response:
    It depends on the person and on the test.Some people don't get a positive until they miss their period and others get a positive 4-5 days before.My last pregnancy,I got a positive 12 days after ovulation or about 4 days before my expected period.Also,if you are going to test early get an early pregnancy test,they can catch HCG sooner than normal ones.Keep us posted.
    Ani(30),DH(31),DD(6).TTC for baby no.2 since 05/2009.BFP on 03/02/2011,M/C on 03/11/2011.BFP on 04/12/2012,M/C on 05/02/2012.
    michelle063007 responded:
    I'm so sorry for your loss. I've had 3 m/c and the second one was about 6 weeks. The doctor called is a chemical pregnancy as if she was brushing it off. This made me so mad...because first of all I did not think that it could have been a chemical pregnancy but I also felt like she was saying my feelings were invalid. Like Ani said, as soon as you see that positive test, it is a baby--even if it really is just a few cells floating around inside your body. Your feelings are valid and dont let anyone take that away from you. I have no suggestions for not thinking about it (the hurt or whether or not AF is coming.) Its so hard. I found comfort in reading some books about miscarriage and putting my feelings on this board. I did also talk about it with some close friends and that helps, but they dont always get it or know what to say. Thats why this board it great...we all get it and we dont judge.

    Good luck!
    Me (28), DH (34), TTC since 7/10, BFP 6/5/11, m/c 6/25/11, BFP 8/27/11, m/c 9/8/11, BFP 2/7/12, m/c 3/30/12
    Basteach3 replied to michelle063007's response:
    Thank you for sharing. They said I was only 4-5 weeks because the number was so low but the mroe I read about pregnancy symptoms and the bleeding with mc it seems I might have been further along. I had a really short period 1-2 days and after doing some reading I realize that may have been implantation bleeding. Either way it feels like I lost my baby.

    Today seems to be a really bad day mentally. All I can think about is the loss of my baby and how much I want to be pregnant. I know I am not saying anything to any of you that you don't think or feel yourselves. I am sorry that any of us have had to experience a loss (or multiple losses, I cna't even imagine that). Everyone here is so supportive and willing to share their experiences and thoughts.

    I am sending prayers, thoughts, hugs and baby dust to everyone!!!
    B(33),DH(37),TTC for baby no.1 since 2/2012.BFP on 06/13/2012,M/C on 06/20/2012
    vybe77 replied to Basteach3's response:
    I'm wanted to join in and say how truly sorry I am for the loss that you went matter how little or far along one is, it is still a pregnancy and you begin to love that baby even prior to knowing that your test will be positive..let no one take away what you felt and the way you need to grieve this because it is important to let the feelings come out because if they don't they tend to cause other problems that no one wants to deal with..
    I myself have been through more than one loss, the last two this pat year..I found out I was pregnant last July and regrettably lost it 6 days later..we again found out we had conceived this Feb and I again experienced a loss in March..tried again for a few months and now I've started an at home daycare so we've put trying on the back burner so I can concentrate on the business and giving those kids the best of truth I have two beautiful little girls at my daycare and it's like we just had two new delights us (my DF and I) to see them learning through our teachings and to spend our days with them..
    I'm still hoping that we will conceive "accidentally" again..some people say that when you stop trying it can sometimes happen so we will see where that goes..
    I hope that your healing process will be short and that you will feel better soon..don't ever forget that this board is always here for you if you need to chat or vent or whatever you need to talk about..this board is the greatest and I truly cannot go w/o talking to my ladies on a weekly basis..welcome and ((hugs))
    Mom of 4 hopes to have 1 more
    Basteach3 replied to vybe77's response:
    Thank you for sharing. I do feel like I have someone (or many) who understand how I feel. I hope we all get what we want and Congratulations on your business. I am a teacher and know the excitement of watching them learn from you and nothing beats it.
    B(33),DH(37),TTC for baby no.1 since 2/2012.BFP on 06/13/2012,M/C on 06/20/2012

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