Trying to Conceive: After Loss Community

Britt- I truly hope that Wednesday brings along some great news for you!! I am keeping my fingers crossed for you..
My update: Today is a sad one for me ladies, today my update is my 1st one where I am no longer TTC..
I know also that I am not pregnant..AF will be here sometime this week..
As I write this I am aching so badly (inside, where it hurts) because my relationship is truly over
We seperated in July but I assumed that we would eventually patch things up, after all we always had before and we had been together for so long (9 yrs) that I never thought the end would ever come for us..
...and then this weekend, on Saturday night he walked in the washroom as I was showering and told me he was stepping out for a walk..he said "I'll see you soon"..after my shower I waited for him, over 2 hrs and then I noticed I had a message on my machine and it was him calling from "that place" telling me he was going to watch a movie and be home later..
"That place" is right next door to our place..we have friends living there, a married couple who have two grown kids, a son and a daughter..
The daughter is 24 yrs old and recently (July) left her BF and moved back in with her parents (next door)..
He had been spending a whole lot of time there in the past week or two and it had caused some arguments between us and so when I found out he was there, again, on Saturday, after he had said he would see me soon, after I had been waiting for him for 2 hrs..I just knew there was something there to keep him from coming home..
Finally at 2:30 am he came home and we argued..I did not sleep at all that night, I just couldn't, I just kept crying and I looked it when I got up yesterday morning..
In the afternoon yesterday, we talked and I asked him if he was seeing anyone and he answered "not really" and so I knew that he was slowly moving on..
He admitted to me that Saturday night, while watching the movie, they held hand..
9 yrs ago, we sat on a couch and held hand too..that is how we started out together..just a few short weeks later we were a couple and doing...couple things..
Now I just don't know who I'm supposed to be anymore..after being his for all that time
I don't think I will be on a lot in the next few weeks ladies..my heart just aches so much..I don't know how to move forward with this but I know I must find a way..
He is not a bad guy, to the contrary he is an absolute dream as a SO..that is why this is so difficult..
I thought he was the one, mine for the rest of my life..
I thought we were going to grow old together and now I just don't feel like growing old anymore
Sorry this was so long..I hope everyone else had a better weekend..
I will lurk and I will see you guys again..think of me and send me everything you can..
Thx for always being there when I need it..

Brittanie- Hope you have great news to tell us on Wednesday. Keeping my fingers crossed for you. GL!!!!!!

Vybe77- I am so so sorry that you are going through this. Please know that if you need to vent or "talk" we are here for you. I know its easier said then done but try to take your mind off it for a while by trying to focus on the other stuff that makes our lives so busy and maybe when you've taken a "breather" you can look back and see the situation in a different light. I know each situation is different but in a previous relationship before I met my DH I was with someone for 7 years and he also wanted to move on and when I took the time to look back at it I realized it was for the best and I probably stayed because it was "comfortable". On the lighter side a few months later he came back and wanted to try again but I was already over him. The grass always seems greener on the other side. We are always stronger then we think. I will keep you in my thoughts.

My update- CD11 and had another u/s this morning and my estrogen levels were very good (the best one yet for all my drug cycles) so that's good but they still want me to do another day of shots, 8 total plus hcg tomorrow. All the other cycles I had only 6days of shots plus 1 hcg shot so I'm not sure if that's good or bad. I guess I'll find out in 16 days. On a side note the acupuncture is working out great. I'm sleeping better, lost 3 lbs. and not so worried. Please wish me luck.

Try to have a great week ladies!

Britt:Can't wait to hear from your wednesday appointment.

Vicky: I am so sorry for everything.All the pain that you have been through trying to concieve and now this.(((HUGS))).
We are here for you whenever you feel like venting.Hang in there Vicky,you are a strong woman and you have 4 wonderful kids that love you.Keep you in my prayers.

perry:Great news about the estrogen levels.I am keeping my fingers crossed for you.

My update:CD# 8,hopefully I'll ovulate sometime next week.

Hugs Vicki. If you ever need to talk you can message me here or on FB.

Brit- hope all goes well and you have some good news to share on Wednesday.

Vybe- I am so sorry.

My update CD 25 started bleeding yesterday (CD24), a little heavier today but doesn't feel normal. There isn't much cramping with it and it doens't have the stuff in it that my AF ussually has (Sorry TMI). I usually go 28 days and no shorter so I am confused that it started on day 24. It still isn't really heavy like usual so I guess we just wait. I am open to any advice that you ladies might have. Would it be AF early (even if I have never been early in 20 years or could somehting else be going on)?

my update never mind about my question it got answered this morning. Another month of nothing. Not that I really expected it but I was hopeing.

Vybe - Sorry about DF That's definitely a tough situation and it will take time to heal. You know you are always welcome to come back and post whenever you need support!

Perry - That's great news about the estrogen and the acupuncture! Good luck this month!

Ani - O vibes!

B - Sorry af showed Good luck next cycle.

My sort of update - I'm feeling pretty discouraged this morning. If this were a normal month and if I didn't skip my period last month, af would be due today. Well I got up last night and had some moderate-heavy-ish bleeding. It was pretty heavy again this morning but now it's more like heavy spotting, nothing showing unless I wipe. I'm not sure if it is af or if it's from BD last night or something else. Either way I'm still going to the dr tomorrow, but I'm not expecting much in the way of good news anymore. Oh well.

Brit- I am sorry but wait until you see the Dr. Thoughts are with you today and tomorrow. Keep us posted on what is going on.

Ani- sending you tons of O vibes

Basteach- sorry AF showed

Britt- KUP maybe you'll still hear good news tomorrow. Don't give up hope yet!!! Miracles do happen.

Hi everyone!

Britt--I'm so sorry you are still waiting for an answer, although this recent bleeding may be the answer??--just not the one you wanted (sorry--hugs). But at least you can go to the doc tomorrow and find out why you would skip a whole period and see what is going on--then be able to move forward and start TTC again. KUP about wednesday

Vybe--I'm so sorry for your relationship. That is a lot to deal with. I hope things get better for you soon.

Perry--glad your cycle is going well this month! I've thought about trying acupuncture. Good luck! Hope this is your month.

Ani--sending you O vibes

B-Thats strange about the short cycle--but i guess its sooner to get back to TTC--I know I always feel better during the times I know we're trying or I could be pregnant.

My update: CD#6 for me. Went back to the RE today--they said this last bloodwork came back and they wanted me to come in for a consultation...I'm thinking I have an answer. No, it was normal. I had to come in for that?!! Ugh! He again pushed the letrozole. I guess we'll do it next month. We'll be out of town right around the time of O this month and doing the letrozole requires close u/s monitoring I guess, so we cant do it this month but we can try on our own. We'll see. He says that my best chances are with the letrozole because it will help the lining of the uterus and help form a "healthier" egg (or two?!). If that does not work in 3 cycle he said we would move on to injectibles--I'm not doing that I'll tell you right now. Its great for people who need it but I just dont see how I need it--I got pregnant on my own (well with help from DH )3 times in one year. I just feel like the RE is lumping me into the same category as infertility patients but I feel different from them. We'll see what happens I guess.

Michelle- Did you ask him about clomid? That doesn't need any monitoring. Easy to take and very few side effects for most. Did he test you for MTHFR? It's basically a blood clotting disease that thinks the embryo is a foreign object. I have 2 mutations, it's hereditary, and they only got the test results back when I was already preg the second time but I started taking lovenox too late to try and avoid my second m/c but preg #3 worked out fine. Acupuncture also helped with my first baby so I decided to go back and do it again, it's very relaxing. GL on what ever choice you make. Enjoy you vacation and worry about it later.

It turns out it was AF!! So yay for answers! The dr. said it can be totally normal to just completely skip a cycle, so there's no reason to think anything is wrong just yet. I got a little freaked out this morning because (TMI) there was a large half-dollar sized rubbery thing that came out. But that's normal too, since I'm basically making up for the missed period this month. Woohoo. I was on the couch with my heating pad for 6 hours yesterday.

So I'm on CD2 and hopefully after this hellish AF everything will go back to normal. I still have quite a few opk left so I'm planning on using those again this month.

I'm surprisingly not too bummed. I would rather have a 'normal' pregnancy than one that started so dramatically, if that makes sense. I'm alright waiting out another cycle for now. It's so nice to be able to stop worrying!

Perry--He said he would prefer to go with letrozol rather than clomid because clomid can actually thin the lining of the uterus and results in more m/c than letrozol. I think the slight mutation that he found did have something to do with MTHFR and I'm taking a baby aspirin for that. I'm just asking myself if taking one baby aspirin a day is really going to make that big of a difference that will help me sustain a pregnancy? I guess it should but it does not help with my confidence much
Thanks! I'm kinda thinking about trying the acupuncture...

Britt--I'm glad you got a solid answer and can now move forward, and I'm glad you feel good about moving forward and are not too bummed.

thats interesting he said clomid could thin the lining when I look it up its the oppoisite so maybe he's just weird. lol. I am not sure if you are able to click on the link since I am at work. (I work for a medical center). But the link is to our clinical pharmacology online for clomid under adverse reactions. Michelle he may just prefer the letrozol over the clomid so he kind of makes it sounds like clomid is worse. My OB/GYN would have had my use Clomid if I hadn't have gotten pregnant within 3 months because clomid has higher success rates within people who have PCOS. And a combo of metformin and clomid also works (that was not recommended for me because I was of normal BMI)
http://tec-webapps.tec.clinitech.net:8080/Forms/Monograph/monograph.aspx?cpnum=136&sec=monadve

Clomiphene therapy is generally well tolerated, and side effects do not commonly interfere with the continuation of treatment. Many patients experience vasomotor "hot flashes" (>10%), which result from the anti-estrogen effects; these subside at the completion of each 5 day dosage cycle. Mild pelvic discomfort without enlargement of the ovaries occurs in roughly 5.5%. Slightly over 2% of patients report breast tenderness (mastalgia). Less frequent (<1.5%) side effects include dizziness, fatigue, and headache. In women, menstrual irregularity, and an increase in pain associated with ovulation (mittelschmerz) may occur (<1.5%).

The normal thinning of the cervical mucus in preparation for ovulation and conception may be impaired by clomiphene therapy. Cervical mucus thickening may result in up to 25% of patients taking clomiphene and may potentially decrease the ability of sperm to reach the oocyte. Vaginal dryness may also occur. Although controversial, estrogens have been administered in some patients on cycle day 10 to the time of the LH surge (ovulation) in order to combat mucus drying and thickening. There is little documentation of the efficacy of estrogen in improving pregnancy rates.

Roughly 14% (1 out of every 7 women) on clomiphene therapy experience uncomplicated ovarian enlargement. Pelvic examinations should be performed in patients who complain of abdominal discomfort (pelvic pain) during therapy. If enlargement or cysts are present, the current clomiphene cycle should be discontinued and further therapy withheld until resolution of the signs and symptoms and until the ovary is no longer enlarged. If substantial ovarian enlargement occurs after ovulation, sexual intercourse should be prohibited because of the risk of hemoperitoneum secondary to ruptured ovarian cysts. Adjunctive agents (i.e., human chorionic gonadotropin, HCG) should be withheld if ovarian enlargement is present in order to prevent progression to ovarian hyperstimulation (OHSS). Most ovarian cysts or enlargements will regress within a few days to weeks after discontinuation of clomiphene. Laporoscopy is rarely needed. Once recovery occurs, the dosage or duration of the next cycle of clomiphene should be reduced. Ovarian enlargement or ovarian cyst formation may be more likely to occur in patients with polycystic ovary syndrome, or in those patients on higher cyclic dosages, receiving treatment beyond 5 days in each cycle, or receiving more than six total cycles of therapy.