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TRIGGS... about loss anniversary
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shanastash posted:
it's been 3 years today, since i found out i would not be able to take my baby home. tomorrow will be the day i delivered. i have been okay for the last few days but today i woke up crying and everytime i look at my daughter, i just well up. having her helps, but it doesn't replace the baby i won't ever be able to hold.
i feel (and i can ONLY ONLY ONLY ever tell you ladies this) that i am not the mom i should be to my daughter because a part of me was lost that day as well. i have prayed so hard to "get over it" and it has definately gotten easier, but on days like today...i feel like she should have better. i love her soooo much, but i can't help but look in her eyes and see the baby i lost. i look at her nose and see how "fishie"'s nose was turned up like hers. i can't help but hold her and cry and wonder what fishie would be like at the age she is now.
i know that without the loss, i would have never been able to have her. that fishie was not her, and she is not fishie's replacement.
i have definately grieved but today has been so hard.
Shana-29, Darrin-31, angel baby (fishie-14w5d) 10.10.09. Dx: MTHFR and FV Leiden. BFP 3.12.10 DD 11.16.11 Rx: Lovenox 40 mg (when pg), baby asprin, 1000 mcg folic acid... and PRAYERS!
3 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:TRIGGS... about loss anniversaryit's been 3 years today, since i found out i would not be able to take my baby home. tomorrow will be the day i delivered. i have been okay for the last few days but today i woke up crying and everytime i look at my daughter, i just well up. having her helps, but it doesn't replace the baby i won't ever be able to hold. <br />i feel (and i can ONLY ONLY ONLY ever tell you ladies this) that i am not the mom i should be to my daughter because a part of me was lost that day as well. i have prayed so hard to "get over it" and it has definately gotten easier, but on days like today...i feel like she should have better. i love her soooo much, but i can't help but look in her eyes and see the baby i lost. i look at her nose and see how "fishie"'s nose was turned up like hers. i can't help but hold her and cry and wonder what fishie would be like at the age she is now.<br />i know that without the loss, i would have never been able to have her. that fishie was not her, and she is not fishie's replacement. <br />i have definately grieved but today has been so hard.
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Ani05 responded:
Sorry Shana that you have had some rough days.Some are harder than others.
I feel like as time passes we do get better but we never forget especially during loss aniversary and due date,that's when it gets very hard emotionally.Right now I am thinking that my baby from my first loss would have been 11 months old. Hopefully you feel a little bit better.
Ani(30),DH(31),DD(6).TTC for baby no.2 since 05/2009.BFP on 03/02/2011,M/C on 03/11/2011.BFP on 04/12/2012,M/C on 05/02/2012.
Report This| Share this:TRIGGS... about loss anniversarySorry Shana that you have had some rough days.Some are harder than others.<br />I feel like as time passes we do get better but we never forget especially during loss aniversary and due date,that's when it gets very hard emotionally.Right now I am thinking that my baby from my first loss would have been 11 months old. Hopefully you feel a little bit better.
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TeacherBeck responded:
(((hugs))) Shana. I am sorry; anniversaries can be so hard.
I sometimes feel guilty for being sad about ^jackson^ when I have my sweet girl, other times I feel guilty when I DON'T feel sad, b/c I feel like I should be more sad at times, if that makes any sense. Emotions can be so tricky, be kind to yourself however you feel. (((hugs)))
Becky(31) DH(38); 1 furbaby: Clark Kent

TRIGGS: After 1yr TTC bfp april'09 lost @20wks precious ^Jackson 8-06-09^ TTCAL grad, sweet Juliet born 12-10-10 Praise God! Baby 3 BFP May 2012 due Jan 2013
Report This| Share this:TRIGGS... about loss anniversary(((hugs))) Shana. I am sorry; anniversaries can be so hard.<br />I sometimes feel guilty for being sad about ^jackson^ when I have my sweet girl, other times I feel guilty when I DON'T feel sad, b/c I feel like I should be more sad at times, if that makes any sense. Emotions can be so tricky, be kind to yourself however you feel. (((hugs)))
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Prayforamiracle responded:
I'm sorry I'm so late on this. I hope you are feeling much better now. Sending lots of hugs.
Prayforamiracle-Me(37)Dh(44)TTC since 11/06. Only pregnancy ended in miscarriage in 7/07. Dealing with MFI. Anovulatory and irregular cycles due to PCOS. 1st IUI 1/12=BFN, 2nd IUI 2/12=BFN
Report This| Share this:TRIGGS... about loss anniversaryI'm sorry I'm so late on this. I hope you are feeling much better now. Sending lots of hugs.
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