Skip to content
TRIGGS... about loss anniversary
shanastash posted:
it's been 3 years today, since i found out i would not be able to take my baby home. tomorrow will be the day i delivered. i have been okay for the last few days but today i woke up crying and everytime i look at my daughter, i just well up. having her helps, but it doesn't replace the baby i won't ever be able to hold.
i feel (and i can ONLY ONLY ONLY ever tell you ladies this) that i am not the mom i should be to my daughter because a part of me was lost that day as well. i have prayed so hard to "get over it" and it has definately gotten easier, but on days like today...i feel like she should have better. i love her soooo much, but i can't help but look in her eyes and see the baby i lost. i look at her nose and see how "fishie"'s nose was turned up like hers. i can't help but hold her and cry and wonder what fishie would be like at the age she is now.
i know that without the loss, i would have never been able to have her. that fishie was not her, and she is not fishie's replacement.
i have definately grieved but today has been so hard.
Shana-29, Darrin-31, angel baby (fishie-14w5d) 10.10.09. Dx: MTHFR and FV Leiden. BFP 3.12.10 DD 11.16.11 Rx: Lovenox 40 mg (when pg), baby asprin, 1000 mcg folic acid... and PRAYERS!
ani05 responded:
Sorry Shana that you have had some rough days.Some are harder than others.
I feel like as time passes we do get better but we never forget especially during loss aniversary and due date,that's when it gets very hard emotionally.Right now I am thinking that my baby from my first loss would have been 11 months old. Hopefully you feel a little bit better.
Ani(30),DH(31),DD(6).TTC for baby no.2 since 05/2009.BFP on 03/02/2011,M/C on 03/11/2011.BFP on 04/12/2012,M/C on 05/02/2012.
teacherbeck responded:
(((hugs))) Shana. I am sorry; anniversaries can be so hard.
I sometimes feel guilty for being sad about ^jackson^ when I have my sweet girl, other times I feel guilty when I DON'T feel sad, b/c I feel like I should be more sad at times, if that makes any sense. Emotions can be so tricky, be kind to yourself however you feel. (((hugs)))
Becky(31) DH(38); 1 furbaby: Clark Kent

TRIGGS: After 1yr TTC bfp april'09 lost @20wks precious ^Jackson 8-06-09^ TTCAL grad, sweet Juliet born 12-10-10 Praise God! Baby 3 BFP May 2012 due Jan 2013
prayforamiracle responded:
I'm sorry I'm so late on this. I hope you are feeling much better now. Sending lots of hugs.
Prayforamiracle-Me(37)Dh(44)TTC since 11/06. Only pregnancy ended in miscarriage in 7/07. Dealing with MFI. Anovulatory and irregular cycles due to PCOS. 1st IUI 1/12=BFN, 2nd IUI 2/12=BFN

Spotlight: Member Stories

Me (31) DH (26) & Two fur babies Married 4/2010 TTC #1 since Oct 2010 Two M/C Nov 2010, Feb 2011

Helpful Tips

Reading posts in a similar manner as our old boards
I see many of you are upset with how to read the boards. We thought of that and put a link over there <========= that says " See All ... More
Was this Helpful?
14 of 24 found this helpful

Report Problems With Your Medications to the FDA

FDAYou are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.