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its always hard...
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l8dsheena posted:
It's always hard to hear that someone else has had their baby...people can't help but spread the news, even if they know you don't care. Last night I was playing Halo online with my brother, mic and all. Just as I was about to sign off, he says "oh, btw [my SIL> is in the emergency room having her baby". Not something I needed to hear, especially after a few drinks. Especially since she cheated on her husband, divorced him, and moved in with the guy she cheated on with her 3 kids. Especially after she made the comment last year that she's SOOOO glad that she doesn't have a 2-year-old to chase after anymore!

well....I had a few more drinks, worked myself into an angry fit just thinking about her, and punched a hole straight through the door. Im paying for that now because my hand is one big giant bruise. And on top of that this morning I got my BFN.

I always think I can handle things like this, I always think I can just go on with my day and forget about it. But those emotions are always right under the surface, and I'm reduced to a big mess with the emotional maturity of a kindergartener, stomping my feet and screaming that the world isn't fair.

I know PMS is a b****, and I'll feel better after AF, but I just want this cycle of hope and bitter disappointment to end. This is just too hard....
Myself (Katie, 29) and DH(31) Praying and trying for a 4th child for 3 years. 1 missed m/c @ 17 weeks, D/C 3 weeks later on 5/11/12.
As Aragorn says, there's always hope.
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ani05 responded:
I think I can write for all of us ladies here that jealosy toward other pregnant women is inevitable. When I see a pregnant woman I always think: I wish that was me.
Sorry you got a BFN and that you hurt your hand and I hope you feel better soon.I always feel bad on CD#1 and then I get better b/c I start thinking,new cycle more hope for a BFP.
Ani(31),DH(31),DD(6),Furbaby(3).TTC for baby no.2 since 05/2009.BFP on 03/02/2011,M/C on 03/11/2011.BFP on 04/12/2012,M/C on 05/02/2012.
 
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l8dsheena replied to ani05's response:
AF is due in a couple of days, so it's just one day at a time until then. I remember thinking "oh, I'll be pregnant by thanksgiving!" then "...by Christmas!" and new years, and valentines day....now it's "by the time my SIL has her baby in late june", but I don't have a good feeling about that either.

I remember when my sister's baby was born over 2 years ago, when I had been trying for over 6 months. That was so hard on me I couldn't even bear to visit her in the hospital. It's going to kill my when my SIL has her baby and I'm still without one. I don't know what I'll do. Lately I feel like my body has failed me, that it's nothing more than a useless piece of trash.

Sorry for rambling...there's nobody else I know who understands what I'm talking about.
Myself (Katie, 29) and DH(31) Praying and trying for a 4th child for 3 years. 1 missed m/c @ 17 weeks, D/C 3 weeks later on 5/11/12.
As Aragorn says, there's always hope.
 
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babyj1017 responded:
Hugs! Sorry you're havng a rough time. And you're right. It's hard. Incredibly so. It's unfair and it just plain sucks. And it's a total slap in the face when someone makes comments about not wanting kids. I just want to shake them.

I think we are all entitled to our raging Kindergarten fits. I know I've had my own share. It's such an emotional journey with incredible highs and crushing lows. Some days, just making it through the day I'll consider a success.

Chin up, Momma. We're all going to have good days and bad. But, in the end, it will be worth the anguish and despair. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
Jenny (31), DH (34), DD (7/2006), DS (6/2008), m/c (6/2012), m/c (9/2012)
 
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l8dsheena replied to babyj1017's response:
Thanks Jenny...I know it will be worth it in the end, it's just so hard to get through in the moment. I already know this whole ordeal has turned out for the positive; I went to confession for the first time in nine years, I spend more quality time with my living children, and I've fallen in love with my husband all over again. As painful as it is now, the only thing keeping me going at this very moment is knowing in the very end it will have helped shape me into a better person.
Just...one more day, and then one more day...right now I just need to make it til DH can get home..3 more hours...
Myself (Katie, 29) and DH(31) Praying and trying for a 4th child for 3 years. 1 missed m/c @ 17 weeks, D/C 3 weeks later on 5/11/12.
As Aragorn says, there's always hope.
 
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vybe77 replied to l8dsheena's response:
Katie- I know exactly how you're feeling and believe me and the other ladies when we tell you that we've all been here (and some of us still linger here sometimes too)..you do not need to feel sorry for coming here and letting it all out, this is why we're here.. we all have been through it, are still going through it and wish we all could get past it...
I remember when I m/c in Aug. 2011..Chris and I were on the outs and had called it quits (yes then too) and we ended up conceiving from just one day of BD...
Needless to say this was a surprise pregnancy (and a very welcome one since we had by then already been trying for a year)..well you can imagine my horror and sadness when only 6 days later I m/c
I was so devastated...I couldn't face people, everyday people from work or even friends and when I would come across someone pregnant it would sting so bad but the worst would have to be when I found out that an 18 YO co-worker was pregnant (on her 1st attempt) after revealing to me a few weeks prior that she had had two abortions because she didn't feel ready to have kids yet...the intense feelings of jealousy and rage were so overwhelming...it took me a long time to come back from this loss...unfortunately I've been through two more since then and they do not get any easier
What has helped me is to come here and talk with you ladies and since my last loss I've learned to take things easy and not stress...I was killing the process (the lovemaking, the spontaneity, the romance etc) were all getting lost in the struggle to have that one last child...
I know it's not obvious to just take things easy and not think about TTC but I find it really had taken over my WHOLE life and that everything I did was somehow linked to TTC..Chris got tired of it and I think parts of the problems that we now face in our relationship have to do with the years we spent TTC and then m/c all these LOs...
Each of us is different and we each have our unique story of TTC..some solutions will work for one while not for the others but we do have each other in common, sharing this special bond of talking each other through these though times of our lives..
If nothing else, I'm very happy to have found this site and met you lovely ladies..whether or not I do have another child I at least have made some good (online) friends and for that I am very thankful xo
No matter what this place is always here and that is my comfort during my storms...
Feel better Katie ((hugs))
Let life be a journey of love
Emily, Kody, Maxim xo


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