Skip to content
My WebMD Sign In, Sign Up
It's a long story..
avatar
l8dsheena posted:
I know I said I wouldn't post for awhile, but I literally have no one else to talk to. Yesterday evening was my book club meeting...I was debating weather or not to go, because I had this odd feeling in the pit of my stomach that someone was going to announce they were pregnant. I went anyway. I carpool with a few of the ladies, and most of them already knew that one of my oldest friends was pregnant..including my MIL, and it just casually came up. They all knew I've been struggling for 3+ years, and nobody bothered to break it to me gently. I literally wanted to open the door of the moving car, jump out, and walk home. I was on the verge of asking the driver to turn around and take me home, but that would have been too childish. Nobody noticed that I said hardly anything for the rest of the night.

When I got home I told my DH she was pregnant, and he gave me this weird look I've never seen before. On one hand it looked like pain, he looked like I feel when I get a BFN. On the other hand, it could have been "oh great, now I'm going to have to put up with your moodiness for the rest of the night." I didn't talk about it for the rest of the evening, because I wasn't sure if he wanted to hear me talk about how everyone else was pregnant for the millionth time, or if this whole ttc thing is really starting to get to him. We got into a tiff over something completely banal. After a moment of silence, he said "y'know what? this will be the last thing I say to try and help you, after this I'm done...I think you need counseling. If you want to go, I'll go with you."

I feel very alone...and numb. I just want to feel better. It's like I'm in a pit, and every time I get the courage to climb out, someone I know starts shoveling dirt in my face. I'm starting to feel guilty for being sad all the time. All I need DH to do is just hold me and tell me it'll be ok. But he has a need to fix everything, and I think he believes I'm beyond fixing. I don't know what to do....
Myself (Katie, 29) and DH(31) Praying and trying for a 4th child for 3.5 years. 1 missed m/c @ 17 weeks, D/C 3 weeks later on 5/11/12.
As Aragorn says, there's always hope.
Reply
 
avatar
babyj1017 responded:
Oh Katie. I am so, so sorry. My heart aches for you. It is always just one thing after another. Or at least it seems that way.

I think my DH is very similar to yours. I think a lot of men are. My DH is a fixer by nature and has no idea how to help me cope when things just are fixable. He wants nothing more than to make it better but has no idea how to take away my pain, so he avoids it or says harsh things.

You have every right to be sad. There's no time limit on greiving. But, if you want my honest opinion, I think counseling is a great idea. Especially if your DH is willing to go with you. I don't think he thinks you're beyond fixing, but I do think he feels he doesn't know how to help you feel better. And it's not a matter of fixing. You're not broken, you're trying to heal and move forward. There's a big difference.

I think counseling would have a dual benefit.... you will hopefully learn some new coping techniques and DH may also learn how to be more supportive, to let go of his need to fix things for you and just BE there for you.

Hang in there. And please, let me know what you decide to do. Hugs and prayers for you.
Jenny (32), DH (35), DD (7/2006), DS (6/2008), m/c (6/2012), m/c (9/2012)
 
avatar
vybe77 replied to babyj1017's response:
Oh Katie, girl, I'm so sorry you have such sadness in your heart today/tonight...(((hugs)))
I know sometimes things just feel like they're all going wrong and when you're already feeling so down it seems there's always that new bit of info we didn't know about to come a fill up that vase to it's very limit..
I understand how you're feeling, wanting only to be understood by everyone around you yet feeling like no one gets it at all...and yes our hubby's are great at fixing things (that's what they're programmed to do) but giving us the understanding we need is sometimes the hardest thing to extract from them...
Chris is the same way, he's great emotionally and gets most of the things that most guys just wouldn't but he's also a guy at heart so when I get into one of my funks and it lasts for awhile he'll be like "when are you just going to get over it?" When he says that to me it just feels like I'm all alone in feeling what I'm feeling...
I agree also that counseling could be a great thing if you let yourself go to it...sometimes letting in that third person can make a world of difference in dealing with stuff..and if hubby is already on board for it then why not give it a try?
I think the key for you will be to find that happy place where you'll be able to be comfortable in dealing with announcements like these..it took me a good 4-6 months to be able to come out of that happy place and deal with things on my own w/o having so many emotions about it that I couldn't function...for some women it's easy, they bounce right back from a loss and never have to deal with this and for some of us it takes us to a dark place we never knew existed and we feel so lost while there..all we need is a little guidance through the darkness..
Reach for our hands Katie, reach for your hubby's..there's people here wanting to help you come out of it..
We're here if you need to vent, ANYTIME you need us, we're here Honey..
(((hugs)))
Let life be a journey of love
Emily, Kody, Maxim xo
 
avatar
prayforamiracle responded:
I just wanted to send lots of hugs your way. So many times, because my DH doesn't know how to handle all this would say or do things that wasn't very comforting. They just can't quite relate to the whole thing, in my opinion. I hope you are feeling better today.
Prayforamiracle-Me(37)Dh(44)TTC since 11/06. Only pregnancy ended in miscarriage in 7/07. Dealing with MFI. Anovulatory and irregular cycles due to PCOS. 1st IUI 1/12=BFN, 2nd IUI 2/12=BFN
 
avatar
l8dsheena responded:
Thank you so much...I needed your kind words. I'm a little better today. Usually when I'm in the middle of a cycle I'm in a pretty good mood. I have a feeling that the reason for my depression is because I remember being pregnant last year at this time, I remember feeling worried, and when I went to that doctor's appointment when they told me my baby had died, it was a beautiful spring day just like the ones we've been having here. I hate being such an emotional mess...I'm really glad it's spring break here for the kids, teaching lessons and correcting papers are too much. Even getting up to wash the dishes takes a lot of self-encouragement. I don't know how I'm going to get through May....
Myself (Katie, 29) and DH(31) Praying and trying for a 4th child for 3.5 years. 1 missed m/c @ 17 weeks, D/C 3 weeks later on 5/11/12.
As Aragorn says, there's always hope.


Spotlight: Member Stories

My husband and I have been together from almost 6 years(in june). We got married in June of 2010. We enjoy spending time with eachother and family. I ...More

Helpful Tips

Get our Smiley's Back!
I have noticed that you can get some of the smiley's to work... they don't when viewing the whole board, but when you click on the ... More
Was this Helpful?
21 of 32 found this helpful

Related News

There was an error with this newsfeed

Report Problems With Your Medications to the FDA

FDAYou are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.