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    Hoping For A Rainbow
    dce2526 posted:
    Hi, we lost our son 7months ago today. He was 24wks gestation. We miss and love him so much. Christmas is coming and the pain in my heart is once again very raw.

    To be honest though within this past month we have felt more certain and positive in still adding to our family. We always wanted a big family. We have two earthly sons now, 7 and 5, and 1 in heaven. Its a scary thought though to be pregnant again. To know that I could feel this pain all over again for another child.

    I don't really know what I am looking for from this board. I guess I'm hoping to not feel so alone with feelings about this. We are consciously not preventing and letting nature take it course. We are hopeful that we will be blessed with our 4th child but scared too.

    Thanks for reading this.
    butterflys97 responded:
    Hi hun I am so sorry for your loss. It's a pain that you will learn to cope with in time, but that will never go away. You are not alone in your sadness.

    I am a mother of 3 children. One which I lost almost 10 years ago in a horrific car accident, my husband and his younger sister which was 14 also died that tragic day. My son my first born, was only 6 years old. I miss them all greatly...but the loss of my son has the weighed the hardest on my heart...and I still break down from time to time...though I know he's in a better place I still don't understand why he passed and why he passed in such a tragic way..but one day God will give me my answer...When ever I am down I talk to my Guardian Angel and I tell him to give me strength and to watch over me and his brother and sister.

    To my despair I had tied my tubes just 11 months before my son's death because I just had, had a baby and listening to everybody(which I REGRET) tie your tubes you are so young to be having all those kids, 3 is enough..blahh blahh I made the decision at just 23 to sterlize myself. Then my son passes...time goes by I meet someone else..who is 6 yrs younger than I with no kids...he desperately wants kids and so do I...I reverse my tubes..I end up getting pregnant twice with 2 etopics..which results in the removal of my right tube. So I am like ok I have my good tube left..well I get pregnant 4 times and miscarry all of them...I have done numerous testing and everything is fine..with the exception of a blood clotting disorder which I am on a regimen for...I am lovenox, baby aspirin ,folic acid and Clomid...this is my 4th round of Clomid and nothing... I am hoping for a Christmas miracle..I really want to get pregnant and stay pregnant.I have never had any issues with infertility until now...If nothing happens I will have to go save up for a specialist and seeing an Reproductive Endo is not cheap...I hope I get my miracle...

    I don't know what you are looking for..but I may have an idea..perhaps someone who can be a shoulder to cry on at times..someone who can relate..someone to just listen...I know you are scared...but if this is what you want go for it...don't live your life with any regrets...pray and put it in God's hands...Do it in your son's honor..I want to another baby so bad...I hope God will give me the opportunity...I can not replace my son...but it will be in his honor whether boy or girl...Thank you for your post...I hope to hear from you soon..God bless...
    dce2526 replied to butterflys97's response:
    Hi Butterflys97

    I am so incrediably sorry for your loss! I can't even imagine.

    I like to think that babies are with us. Your son watches over you and he would want for you to be happy. To have your rainbow and love on that baby like you did him. I will be praying for you.

    You are right in what I am looking for. I'm hoping to find someone to vent with and to be hopeful with. Someone who understands. A Christmas miracle would be amazing. I hope you get yours.

    I was trying to shop for my 2 boys (7 and 5). I walked around Target in tears. I know people must have thought I was crazy but its not how we expected things to be. The saddness comes from those thoughts...what was suppposed to be.
    butterflys97 replied to dce2526's response:
    Hi Dce2526,

    It is so wonderful to hear from you. I know it's hard.I also find myself crying at times and I know how you feel. You think ppl think you are crazy..but you know what I don't care because only God knows my pain and yours. I am sure if they were in your shoes they would feel the same way.. I know how you feel sometimes you wanna be left alone and not talk to anyone and sometimes you just wish someone would ask so you can express how you are feeling and let the world know he was my baby my son and he may no longer be here but I miss him and I don't want him to be forgotten..well that's how I feel anyway..I know the Holidays are specially tough I also have two other children 10 and 13 they are a little older than yours but at times like this I break down myself sometimes..they have all their request mom I want this and that..and can't help but think about my other son..what would he have wanted he would of been a teenager wanting the lastest electronics and the latest sneakers ect and ask myself why did this's not fair why him...but those emotions are all normal, I guess that's what I am trying to say..sadness will come from those thoughts of what ifs what would have been...I know and I understand...but just have to keep on going and we are both blessed becasue we both have to other children to care for..they are the ones that help me get thru my loss...

    Also from my understanding you don't have any other fertility for me all of a sudden I have repeated pregnancy loss...I hope and pray God will give us our miracles...

    Till then take care yourself your babies and if I don't here from you Merry Christmas...I find confort in knowing are babies are together and know each other via us in the Heavens..mine is older and will help the Angels take care of your little one..there is a reason as to why God crossed our paths..

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