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Feeling Discouraged...
An_243825 posted:
I'm 31 years old and am blessed with a healthy 2 and a half year old. After reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility, I got pregnant the first month I tried. This was a surprise because my husband was told he had a low-normal sperm count. I went through this pregnancy trying to educate myself on everything related to being pregnant and having a healthy baby. I enjoyed the pregnancy without a great deal of worry...something I'll never do again.

Last April, we tried to get pregnant again, and we did. I went in for my nuchal scan and discovered the baby had an extremely rare neural tube defect (exencephaly). This was heartbreaking. There is absolutely no chance of survival for any baby with this defect, so we proceeded with a d&c. We had genetic testing done, which showed there were no links to genetic problems on my side or my husband's side. I was put on a much larger amount of folic acid and had no answer for why this happened to the baby. I still blame myself.

Two months later, I became pregnant again. Unfortunately, that pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at the six-week mark. This miscarriage also coincided with my son's second birthday. My mother was also visiting, and I didn't have the heart to tell her about the pregnancy or loss. She has worried enough. That was a hard day. I had blood work done for people who've had multiple miscarriages. The results showed I had a slight problem with my protein s-activity level. After doing a retest six weeks later, my level was normal. The doctor said protein-s activity levels can be altered after a miscarriage. I was told to try again and that no further action needed to be taken b/c this was technically my first miscarriage.

It's been five months since my last loss. Just this week, I had two faint positives on two pregnancy tests and had several pregnancy symptoms. I'm supposed to get my period tomorrow, and I just took a digital test. The result showed I'm not pregnant. What happened? It's been enough days so my hcg level should've been rising. I don't believe I'm pregnant anymore.

My husband is reaching the point of not wanting to push our luck anymore. We were fortunate to have one healthy baby. One of his brothers has cerebral palsy. He knows what it is like to have a family member with a disability. He's scared...rightfully so.

I still want to try. I'm worried my d&c has messed up my ability to keep a pregnancy. I feel discouraged. I am a good mom. I educate myself on how to be healthy and have a successful pregnancy, yet I keep failing. So many people get pregnant when they don't want any children and are not healthy. I feel sad that I'll never be able to enjoy a pregnancy. I feel sad that I've lost control over this situation and that the plan I had for my life is no longer working out the way I wanted it to work.

I just started seeing a therapist because I've developed so much anxiety about these situations. It's hard to figure out why these bad things have to happen...nature's way, blah, blah. I've even thought I could be a bad person, and this is just karma. I don't know.

For those of you reading this who have yet to have a baby, I'm sorry that you even have to put up with my whining. I do feel blessed to have a baby and can imagine the pain of miscarrying without having any children before that would be incredibly harder and worse. Please forgive me.

I would greatly appreciate any insight anyone can give me. What sort of tests should I request next? I've heard the next step might be to take baby aspirin during the beginning of the pregnancy? What do you think happened to this current pregnancy loss? Do you think the d&c has prevented me from ever keeping a pregnancy again?
trinionboard responded:
Girl i dont know if the d&c has prevented you from ever keeping a pregnancy .But i do know that God is good .I read your story and i almost cried i feel your pain i too am struggling with trying to conceive and each month i feel so bad whenever my period decides to show her ugly little red head but i believe that we both will each carry our pregnancies to full term and have something to smile about and also to thank God for .
Be blessed today and always your in my prayers
blueeyebaby responded:
I too feel your pain. A d&c should not prevent you from carrying a full term preg. I had a d&c back in 2007 at 8 weeks along. I got preggers three months later and lost it at 4w2d. Two months later preggers again and a beautiful baby boy!! So if everything was done right during the d&c and they got it all out (I know this sounds bad or mean and that is not my intent, just not sure how else to put it), you should have no problems carrying another child from the d&C.

With trying so hard and keeping track of everything and testing early, you are more likely to catch an early loss where most women would just have a late AF and not even realize they were preggers. I know it doesn't make it easier to take or understand but if a problem arises early on in pregnancy, the body and the baby does what is needed which unfortunately means m/c. There isn't always a reason that can be fixed by meds or something we can do. IT just happens.

The thing to concentrate on now is that it is possible for you to conceive and carry a healthy baby. Try and relax and lower the stress (not always easy I know). It is not your fault and God has a plan for y'all!! We are here for you through this!!

Mary(31), DH(31)
mendezwife replied to blueeyebaby's response:
I too feel you! (Hugs!)
I also had a d&c last year after I lost my twins at 23 wks. It was horrible. But we are trying again and we dont know what will happen. I too was afraid that after having that done, would I be able to conceive again? We just started trying in Feb. My last period was Feb 4th & I went off the pill shortly after that. Nothing so far..............
I can understand your feelings because I am in the same boat with you! Good luck!

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