My husband and I have been together for almost 5 1/2 years, married for over 4 years and 8 months. We weren’t exactly ttc, but we have been having unprotected sex since the very first time we had sex with each other. He let me know from the very beginning that he wanted to get me pregnant, but at only 19 years old I felt like I was way too young for such a big responsibility. I actually started secretly taking my BC again, to be sure I didn’t get pregnant. Sneaky snake, I know. The thought of having kids with him did start to grow on me after a while and I eventually stopped taking BC.
My cycles have been irregular ever since I first met Aunt Flow. Because of that, I wasn’t surprised that my AF stopped coming right after I got off my pills. It did eventually come back, though still not regulated. Months passed, still no pregnancy. I wasn’t too concerned at this point, I just figured it was because my cycles weren’t regular. Plus, we were living in Memphis at the time and I really didn’t want to have to raise a child in that area.
I gained a lot of weight while living in Memphis, about 10 to 20 lbs more than my max weight in Cali. I felt disgusted with myself, so I started working out again. I dropped back down to 105 lbs, the weight I was before I got married. That’s when my AF stopped coming. I checked with a doctor and she said my absent cycles were due to my massive weight loss.
During the next few months, I got myself up to a much “healthier” weight of 115 per doctor’s orders. After a few months, I still had no signs of AF. I scheduled another doctor’s appointment and that’s when my life turned to hell.
After MANY blood tests and ultrasounds, I was diagnosed with PCOS in late November/early December of 2012. I finally knew why my cycles were so irregular, which was somewhat of a relief. At the same time, I was devastated because of the confirmation that I could possibly never conceive naturally. I was still on the fence about whether or not this was the right time to have kids, but it would have been nice to know that it could happen when the time came. My husband had a semen analysis done that came out damn near perfect, so now we knew the focus had to be on me and my body.
Mid-December, I started my first round of fertility treatments. I was given medroxyprogesterone to start my AF, then started my first round of clomid at 50mg. As advised by my doctor, I tracked my ovulation every single day. My body had no response. My next check-up wasn’t until 2 months late, so of course I was anxious.
February was round two. I was given medroxyprogesterone again and this time at 100mg. I had my next check-up entirely too early, IMO, about 2 weeks after my AF. A lot of women ovulate later when taking clomid, so of course I didn’t test positive for a pregnancy at my check-up. So my doctor prescribed me another round of treatments. Medroxyprogesterone and 150mg clomid.
I ended up ovulating the day after my check-up, or at least I think I did. My test could have been wrong. I started taking the medroxyprogesterone anyway, to get my AF started just in case.
The last few times I took medroxyprogesterone, my AF came 4 days after my last pill with light spotting the day before. This last round, my AF didn’t come on time. That definitely got my hopes up way too high. I got excited and thought maybe I was finally pregnant. I chose to wait another week before I actually took a pregnancy test, though. That wait didn’t last too long. Three days after my expected AF, I started getting really bad cramps and the very next day my visitor came. It only lasted about 2 days, and clumped more than flowed (TMI, I know. I apologize). With the high rate of miscarriage in women who have PCOS, I went into panic mode. I definitely had the symptoms of a miscarriage, all I had to do was test to see if I was carrying the “baby hormone.”
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My test came back negative, which was a huge relief but also a giant heartbreak. I mean, I had already started to think I was pregnant, so to have proof that it was nothing was kind of a kick in the gut. After that, my emotions went crazy. I became depressed over what had happened and on top of that, friend after friend after friend after friend kept announcing their pregnancies. Every single day I logged on to instagram, a new person would post a sonogram. After the third day, I just about lost it and broke down. I cried for days. It was horrible.
It"019s been a few days since then. It still hurts, but I"019m slowly starting to feel better about myself again. I just finished my last round of clomid (150mg) not too long ago and I"019m hoping third time"019s a charm. If not, I guess my next option would be an hsg which I am NOT looking forward to.
First off let me just say that the fact that you DID respond to clomid is awesome. Some women do and some women don't. Those of us that didn't respond to clomid had to move onto injectables. While its nice that you're pretty much guaranteed to ovulate on the injectable it is extremely expensive if insurance doesn't cover.
If you're not comfortable doing the HSG test just yet I wouldn't worry about it. I was told by my first Dr. before moving to an RE that if I responded to clomid she wanted to me to try it 6 times at the dosage that worked for us. So if I were you I would give the clomid a few more chances if you even need to. Clomid basically makes you ovulate like you would if you didn't have issues. And many "normal" couples have to try 6 months to a year before conceiving . If you do get to the point that you get the HSG, try not to let it worry you too much. There are so many horror stories out there about it and I swear some people just like to scare the heck out of others. When I had mine I honestly felt nothing during the procedure, I was actually shocked when the Dr. said we were done and I could get up. I was a nervous wreck before and then in just a few seconds it was over. I know it can be painful for some but it can also be completely painless too. I will say that I did have some cramping after the procedure as I was walking out to my vehicle but it was nothing unbearable.
As far as the emotional aspect of this whole thing it completely normal to feel upset, sad, angry, depressed, however you need to feel don't let anyone tell you to feel differently. Of course you're going to feel disappointed and sad when you get your hopes up and then not get the news you were hoping for. We've all been there and its fine. Its almost impossible not to get your hopes up. Trust me, I've been there plenty of times. I've had high hopes only to result in negatives, I've had a m/c, I've had a chemical pregnancy and no matter how many times you go through it, it still hurts. Just take time for yourself so you can get mentally and physically ready to keep trying if that's what you and your dh decide to do.
Sorry I'm just now responding. I'm glad you found this board. I'm sorry for all that you have been through. I too have had irregular periods since the beginning of my period, except on BC pills. You are doing the right thing, by being so brave and handling this head first. I feel like I have missed the opportunity due to me being so afraid to try all the medical procedures/options out there. I hope that you will be blessed with a pregnancy soon. Keep us posted and good luck!!!
Prayforamiracle-Me(37)PCOS Dh(44)MFI TTC since 11/06. Only pregnancy ended in loss in July 2007. On 1500mg of Metformin. 1st IUI 1/12=BFN, 2nd IUI 2/12=BFN
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