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Does semen have cigarette toxins in it?
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OcLady2011 posted:
I'm seeing a new man who smokes. It's the first time I've ever dated a smoker. He doesn't smoke around me. But I noticed that his semen has a very odd taste if he has smoked some cigarettes before we get together. Other times, when he hasn't had as many cigarettes, the taste is similar to semen I have tasted with prior partners. I always swallow. Are there cigarette toxins in his semen? Should I be concerned about ingesting his semen? He's had a vasectomy, so I know he doesn't have sperm. Should there be anything else I should be concerned about having sex with a smoker?
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counterso responded:
Any drug or toxin in the body can appear in body fluids, including semen. There are many instances where women are warned to protect themselves from contact, such as with Propecia and some other drugs that can even be transmitted through skin contact.

I don't think anyone has studied whether cigarette chemicals appear in semen, but we do know one of the things that changes the taste is diet (although rather indirectly).

You should be more concerned about semen in that it can contain diseases, not just because it might contain chemical toxins. A vasectomy would have no relevance except with regard to pregnancy.
 
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OcLady2011 replied to counterso's response:
My partner and I have both been tested, and we are disease-free and in an exclusive relationship which is why we aren't using condoms. I am extremely concerned about toxins entering my stomach and blood stream, and if it would produce any side affects that I should be aware of. On the days when he smokes quite a bit before we get together, I noticed that my stomach hurts an hour or so after I've ingested his semen. The pain usually passes within a few minutes. I'm not sure if I'm building up a tolerance for the toxins, since I seem to be having fewer stomach issues afterwards. I've never had stomach issues with prior partners. What do you think?
 
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counterso replied to OcLady2011's response:
No, it's not related to his smoking. It's more likely related to your anxiety about it. It would take several days before any inhaled or ingested toxins made it into his semen. It's not instantaneous, so his smoking heavily in the afternoon is not going to "poison" his semen that evening.

What you're tasting as the difference is more likely from his skin expelling chemicals, and not from the fluid.

Why don't you ask him to stop smoking? Withholding sex would be a strong motivator. You can even reward him with it for his good behavior.
 
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FCL replied to counterso's response:
Seriously, Counterso? You really believe that withholding sex is a motivational force? What planet are you living on?

OP - talk to him about your concerns and your worries (have you considered that you may be a little over concerned about the minute quantities that could, possibly, be reaching you?). I'm an ex-smoker. One of the true full-fired anti-smokers and even I don't think you are going to get much tobacco toxins from swallowing his semen. Be that as it may. I am not you. :)

The best route is to tell him how you feel. Tell him about your fears. Be perfectly open to him. buf for goodness sake, don't go denying him (and yourself)) sex. There's nothing positive to gain from it.

In just about every situation ... communication is the key. Withholding sex shuts the door to communication rather than opening it.

I wish you well. :)
 
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counterso replied to FCL's response:
I can't imaging that withholding sex denies communication unless you're doing so without any explanation. It is a demonstration of serious concern. It needs to include "I'm very concerned about my health and yours related to your smoking. I'm not willing to be intimate with someone who is not equally concerned about their health as I am."

For many people sex is a very strong motivator. Clearly FCL it is for you if you think it's not a tool that has an on/off switch, so important in fact that you can't do without it.

Smoking is an addiction. Replacing one addiction with another equally gratifying activity (sex) is a very common way for people to switch from one to another (high). So yes, it could possibly be the substitute for smoking, but to give him both doesn't require any change on his part.

ocLady needs to decide whether she is willing to be in a relationship with someone who has different health priorities, and not reward bad behavior, especially when she feels it compromises her sense of security.
 
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OcLady2011 replied to counterso's response:
@FCL When I read the response from @counterso my first instinct was "this must not be a doctor" a doctor wouldn't advise a patient to withhold sex to get a partner to quit smoking. Then, I rolled my eyes, and decided not to take that advice.

@counterso Before you send a heated response, please realize that these type of forums are so that multiple people can express their opinions.

I appreciate both of your input and perspective. I had brought up with him as soon as we started dating about the smoking. I asked him not to smoke around me, and that I would really appreciate it if he didn't smell like smoke when we are together. I didn't ask him to quit, because I know it is a difficult process and we are early in our relationship. He decided on his own to switch to electronic cigarettes, and he has cut down the number of cigarettes he does smoke. I did address my concerns about cigarette toxins in his semen, and he understands it.

I don't have anxiety about it. And the stomach pain is real. Since he's cut down on his cigarettes, I'm noticing that it isn't as bad.

My sense of security has not been compromised, since he decided on his own (without any kind of pressure from me) to smoke less, with the eventual goal to stop smoking. We've been communicating about this since the beginning, so he knows that it's the only deal breaker I have to a long relationship with him.
 
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FCL replied to counterso's response:
Explaining why you're witholding sex and using it to try to bargain is not going to do anything positive for a relationship. It will only build resentment in popele who enjoy sex and those who are not particularly interested in sex probably won't care so where does that leave the poster?

You have to remember that you can only change yourself. You can explain to your partner how you feel but if they don't want to stop smoking there is nothing you can really do. Bargaining with sex won't help.

As for saying that the poster should "not reward bad behaviour" (presumably with sex) - let's try to remember that she's his partner, not his mother.


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