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    My very aggressive ADHD 9yr old daughter
    JeanA53 posted:
    HELP! My 9 year old daughter is violent, aggressive, hostile, ddisrespectful and oppositional. She refuses to do her schoolwork, clean her room, brush her hair and so on. Short of taking her hands and moving them for her I can not seem to make her do anything. I am overwhelmed and do not know how to handle her. She is very defiant and is acting the same way in school. I am afraid that she is going to stay back. Nothing seems to work...she does not seem to care if she gets sent to her room, or can not have friends over or gets things taken away. Is this normal for ADHD? I am starting to lose it! I can not even explain how over the years I have adapted to never knowing what kind of behavior to expect...what will happen if we visit friends or have company...what she will say. I have seen her throw mud in a friends face, push a baby down, tell someone they were fat, squeeze a kitten so hard that we had to pry her fingers off of it before it died, speak in an unknown language and on and on. People keep telling me that I am making a lot out of nothing but I am scared for her all of the time. She lies, steals, and is very manipulative. Is this just ADHD or more? Is this ADHD behavior? She has been diagnosed as having ADHD. I opted for alternative natural symptom control rather than drugs. I love my daughter but when she does things like slap me across the face or punch or pinch me or shouts something horrible at me, I get angry. Does anyone else have these problems with their ADHD child?
    momuv4girls responded:
    IMHO, this is not typical ADHD, there is something else going on.

    A child this out-of-control is unhappy - she does not want to be this way, she can not help it.
    What 9-year old doesn't want friends to like her? What 9-year old wants to hurt people and things.

    Trust your instinct.......this is not right, and this is not healthy for your daughter to continue on this way.

    I urge you to seek out a smart, board certified Child Psychiatrist to evaluate your daughter.
    Depending on where you live, this may or may not be too easy - but keep searching!!

    Here is a link to explore to find a Child Psychiatrist in your area:

    Here is another link to read and explore:

    I know how hard it is to have a child act out of the "norm" - its isolating, scary and your heart breaks for your child.

    Hang in there Mom, and go into "mission mode" to find her a good Dr. and support for you both!

    d0nalba1n replied to momuv4girls's response:
    Similar situation with younger daughter. I agree with Kathleen that you need to seek out a Psychiatrist. I am also an anti-medication type person but realize that sometimes its a necessary step.

    Diagnosis for my daughter was Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Bipolar Mood Disorder, and some other mood disorders. We tried diet modification, cognitive therapy (hard at her age), and other intervention therapies prior to medicating.

    If you cant find a psychiatrist or afford one then talk to your pediatrician about these types of causes. Also ask them about medicines such as Clonidine, Oxycarbazine, etc. You may need to try different ones to find out which works best.

    Stick with it for her sake...we are now going on 4 years of the same issues and we ahve had to experience different things until we found what made HER able to function and how she can interact.

    Good Luck
    jnator responded:
    My son is also very aggressive, yells at everyone, lashes out and does not understand emotions or tone of voice at all. He will yell at us for no reason and then tell us he's not yelling! He is taking vyvanse 40mg. right now, but just this week it has decided not to work any longer! This is his 4th. drug that we've tried and for the ones that have seemed to work in the beginning, stop working in a very short amount of time. So our son's doctor has said to revisit the child psychologist and see if there is something else going on along with ADHD. He has threatened to hurt/kill himself several times, which, of course scares the hell out of me.
    You need to send your daughter to a child psychologist! Please. Don't wait until she has seriously injured herself or someone else. I know you don't want her on meds, but you may not have a choice. I didn't want my son on meds either. But when one worked it was wonderful.
    Her aggression will get more severe, please get her to a doctor. She may have ADHD, but she has something else much worse going on that needs to be addressed.
    momuv4girls replied to jnator's response:
    I believe there should be a Child Psychiatrist involved here, NOT a Child Psychologist - they are very different.

    A Child Psychiatrist is an M.D. who can prescribe medications and do med management.

    For such severe behavioral issues a Child Psychiatrist is a must. Don't waste valuable time or $$ on the Psychologist route.
    Psychologists play a role in behavior modification and coping skills once a child is relatively stable, but from what you are describing a Psychiatrist is in order.

    Take care,
    Boyzmomee responded:
    No. My son is almost 15 and taken ADHD medication since he was 6 years old. ADHD basically has to do with hyperactivity, impulsivity and inattention. Kids with ADHD can have co-exisiting conditions.

    Your daughter is displaying some very serious behaviors and I know you are scared and at the end of your wits. Consult a good child psychiatrist right away.
    1boys responded:
    hi my 9yr old son has also been behaving in many of the ways your daughter has.i am scared something awful will happen he is so much stronger than me .His school along with myself think he has some type of autism and are being referred,have you took your daughter anywhere yet? like you i am at my wits end and so sad and alone so worried for my son .
    MsMomma55 responded:
    Hello. My name is Reina.i have a son thats 9 years old and was diagnosed with ADHD... I also have a lil girl that's 5 . I would just like to reply buy saying u are not alone.... I have been feeling like im the only person dealing with a child like son just now accually just chocked his lil sister with juice for no reason and when I ask hi what he did even tho I know...he lies to my really at my wits end with scared that one of these days im just gonna snap......... like a person can only take so much...were only human......
    Gina Pera responded:
    Hi Jean,

    You've received some helpful answers here. I hope you follow up quickly.

    When you say you "opted for alternative natural symptom control," what does that mean? Did you educate yourself fully on ADHD and its co-existing conditions? Did you read some good books (such as Dr. Barkley's Taking Charge of ADHD)?

    It is unfortunate that both you and your child are dealing with these challenges. But you must take charge. If you have trouble getting yourself organized to do so, it might be worthwhile to be evaluated for ADHD yourself. If this is your biological child, chances are good that one of the two parents also has ADHD. Parents with ADHD tend to have trouble with effective parenting overall, and this goes doubly when dealing with the complex systems that might be required when the child has ADHD (finding medical care, implementing reward systems, etc.).

    But right now, it sounds as though your daughter is a victim of her own brain biology, and she's fighting this battle alone. She needs your help. Your informed help. I hope you both find help soon.

    Gina Pera

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