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    snmgurl2471 posted:
    between me and my boyfriend we have four children my two boys and his boy and girl...they are all amazing kids so dont take it the wrong way when i say i am losing my mind. their ages are 8,10,11,12. the 11 year old boy of my boyfriends children has began to defy all authority from me and every other adult that is not his dad. has hit me in my jaw screams and yells at me throws things at his walls and acts like its ok especially when dad isnt home i love this kid like he is my own but my relationship is falling apart because of mine and his sons relationship i need to fix it i want to fix it if i dont my whole life my reason for being here half of it will be gone i am typically against medicine but i think maybe it could help...from time to time i watch his eyes roll around when he is watching tv he starts projects to occupy himself and never completes them he tells me he dont know how to control his anger how can i help him if im having just as much trouble controlling my emotions from all the disrespect i love my family and all our children please help me!

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    tresvick responded:
    Your son sounds a lot like my grandson, who is 11. He throws huge tantrums that include yelling, scrreaming, kicking things, knocking things over and punching things. He is a big boy. He absolutely defies anything I tell him to do. He and his parents and little sister are currently living with us. I also watch my three other grandchildren during the school year and in the summer and on school breaks and an additional grandchild during the suymmer and school breaks. During this time his behavior is
    especially terrible. The smaller grandchildren are often afraid of him when he is having these fits. His parents are working on getting him into counseling. He tested negative for ADHD and Defiant Disobedient Disorder, but I don't believe it. I have read many books on these conditions, plus almost everyone on all sides of my family has ADHD or OCD. He wants to control everything, including his parents, me and my husband, and the other kids. I have had no way to stop his bad behavior as he refuses to listen to me or obey aanything I say. Finally I asked his mom for permission to take activities or things away from him if he refuses to stop his bad behavior or goes on a screaming, throwing hitting fit. This has helped. I can take away his phone, TV, tablet or XBox One. I can also stop him from participating in an activitiy he wants to participate in. Usually a warning is all it takes to stop his behavior. I don't actually take these items away, but tell his when his parents get home they will follow through with what I have chosen to do. They are 100% willing to back me up. I usually say something like, "I'm going to have to use my phone (or tablet, or activity, etc. card) and tell your parents you need to lose your whatever for a day. He's not happy about it, but he does stop his bad behavior. I usually give him a warning about which card I'm about to use first, to give him one chance to change his behavior on his own. These is a lot of information and tests to take to determine if your child has ADHD, ADD,
    OCD or many other disorders. Sometimes it is just an attention getting, controlling behavior, but if there is a cause for it, The child is really not able to control his behavior. Bipolar Disorder is also an option for this type of behavior. I would also like to point out that it isn't too hard for an older child to figure out the test and answer the question correctly as he knows what behaviors are acceptable or crossing the line, so of course he would choose the acceptable behavior., thus showing he does not have a disorder when he clearly does. That is where you need to speak up and point out he is smart enough to pass a test and give a report of what you witness on a daily basis yourself. I know the stress that is related to caring for children with these behaviors. Keeping his busy with things he likes to do can help. I also know how it feels to love a child and resent his behavior at the same time. I think this is fairly normal, so don't waste time feeling guilty about these feelings. In the end, love wins out. It's those in between times that are hard to tolerate. I also find that if I can manage to keep my voice low and unemotional it helps, as they feed off your reactions. Good luck, and please seek some help for your son and support for yourself. Vickie


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