Skip to content

    Announcements

    Attention All WebMD Community Members:

    These message boards are closed to posting. Please head on over to our new WebMD Message Boards to check out and participate in the great conversations taking place: https://messageboards.webmd.com/

    Your new WebMD Message Boards are now open!

    Making the move is as easy as 1-2-3.

    1. Head over to this page: https://messageboards.webmd.com/family-pregnancy/f/parenting/

    2. Choose the tag from the drop-down menu that clicks most with you (and add it to any posts you create so others can easily find and sort through posts)

    3. Start posting

    Have questions? Email us anytime at [email protected]

    Telling your child about biological father.
    avatar
    acr321 posted:
    My son is now 8 years old. My husband and I have been together since he was 9 months old and he adopted him at the age of 2. The biological father last saw my son when he was 3 months old and made no other attempts. The biological father commited suicide about 2 years ago. I want my son to know the truth, but my husband does not want to tell him. Am I worrying about this issue too early? We are a very happy family (of 5 now) and my husband and son love each other very much! My husband doesn't see the need for him to know, but I fear that my son will figure it out on his own and then be more upset. The parents of the biological father have said they didn't want anything to do with my son when he was born, but I feel bad keeping the fact that there is another set of grandparents and also two half siblings that my son doesn't know about. What and when should I tell my son? How do I get my husband to be on board?
     
    avatar
    alysag124 responded:
    I am in the same position as your son, but I am 17. My biodad never wanted to be in my since before I was even born, so my mom raised me on my own. When I was about 5, she started dating this man who 3 years later became her husband and 5 years later became my adopted dad. He is the only father I have ever had in my life, and I love him dearly. My mother never really gave me details about my biodad, and I never pressed her for any until I turned 13; the most she gave me was his name. Eventually I found him through searching online, but four years later I still haven't contacted him because I'm afraid of how it will turn out. I am debating now whether or not I should. One day I will make my decision to leave him alone or to contact him, but my main point is that I know where your son may be coming from. If he already knows he's adopted, he may become interested on his own one day about finding out about his father. He will then, most likely, come to you for more information. If he currently doesn't know he is adopted by your husband, I would wait to tell him until he's a bit older; maybe 10? Right now he's just focused on being a kid, and in a couple years he will have a better understanding of life. If I was in his position, I would be upset that I wasn't told I was adopted earlier. But that is just inevitable. He will be upset one way or another, but he won't stay upset forever. He will understand one day why you did what you did however, if you end up deciding to never tell him and he does find out on his own when he is in his late teens/ adult years, he will most likely feel incredibly betrayed or lied to. I know that is how I would feel. I am happy that I know that I am adopted by my dad, and that the decision is mine whether or not I want to find out more about my biological father. I hope sharing my story and perspective on this helped you and your husband decide what's best for your son.
     
    avatar
    acr321 replied to alysag124's response:
    Thank you for your input alysag124! It was helpful. I have decided that I will put it off for a few years and definitely tell him at some point. I just hope I can get my husband to agree. He is so adamantly against it right now, but it's stories like yours, from people who have gone through the experience, that I think will show him how important it is for us not to "hide" things from our son.The last thing I want to do is have their relationship affected.

    Again, thank you for your response! Best of luck on your journey with your own situation. I hope everything works out for the best no matter what decision you make!


    Spotlight: Member Stories

    Dec, 2011 Hi, I'm Vicky, my husband is named Ashley (really!) and we've been married for over 10 years. I have PCOS so we struggled with infer...More

    Helpful Tips

    Be the first to post a Tip!

    Helpful Resources

    Related Drug Reviews

    • Drug Name User Reviews

    Report Problems With Your Medications to the FDA

    FDAYou are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.