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This thread is meant for talking about your day as a caregiver, friend, family member, or support person to an Alzheimer's patient. You can chat about anything you like--and vent if you need to!
If you're new to this board, be sure to pop in on this thread and say "Hello." There is a great group of people on this board, and they know what you're going through.
Each month on the first and fifteenth, I'll start a new thread so they don't get too long. This thread has befriending and supporting those with family with Alzheimer's since the fall of 2008!
If you have a question or comment for me, put "Byroney" in the subject line and I'll do my best to answer.
Best wishes and my admiration to each one of you.
Byroney







I've always heard people tell my parents when they were caring for my handicapped brother for 21 years and their lives were on hold...yet they never regained it because of diseases of their own (my father held everything in) and the stress lead to there early deaths....but people always said God chose special people to have such special children. Not everyone can do it.
I try to tell myself that. Not everyone can do what me and my family are doing and what you and your families are doing. He chose us for a reason....although sometimes I feel like I am failing Him and he picked the wrong person. I also think of how my life would be if I had only stood up and said "no"....we can't handle this when this all began. But it is what it is and we are in it as long as we can humanly handle it. If God chose us, then He has plans for us and a reward at the end of the journey, if not before. Keep your eye on the prize......it's not the rewards on earth that should drive us....although we feel jipped because we miss so much......and it's hard for us to tell ourselves that....I know! I realllllly know! I have to talk myself out of slumppers all the time because no body else knows except the ones who are in it all the time. NO one can relate!
Have your good cry! Kick, scream! You deserve to let it out! And that nephew of yours.....you might just have to come clean, honest and tell him the truth. You think it's awful he takes advantage of your generosity using your internet for hours at a time and don't even have the decency to speak to your mother! If the internet is all he wants then you are sorry, you can't help him anymore! You are used enough!!!! Who can blame you?? And if his father (your brother??) doesn't help out any now, then what do you have to use? You are already doing your part and his part and keeping his son in internet service. As long as you supply it, they won't.
OH well just thought I'd add in that cause I think it really bothers you as it should. Hang in there, we are all in this together. By the way, MIL is about the same. I find her getting weaker in the evenings and wanting to go to bed earlier and earlier. She sleeps more than she is up and says she is tired all the time, yet the only activity she does is walk to the bathroom and dining room and watch TV/sitting in the chair. At this rate and her giving up.....although she has pretty good health considering, it's taking a toll on her body by not moving and in her mind, she don't want to do anything. I don't know if she will be here next year at this time unless something changes.
Well our rain of terror is still continuing. My car is still in the shop at least a few more weeks till we get the $$ to fix it. Had the A/c to fix this month.....and now my DH's truck is acting up bad. It keeps pouring and we are still looking for the umbrella! I'm living on a lot of faith right now---with everyone and everything! Unemployment and faith!!! Can't beat it! LOL!
I hope the rest of you are doing ok, at least not worse. It seems good days are less than the bad.
One day at a time ladies, one day at a time. We have no idea what tomorrow will bring. Heck we have no idea what the next couple of hours will bring!!!

Have a good rest of the day and night!
Kathy

MIL had a dr. appt. with her cardiologist today. Nothing much has changed with her heart since her last appointment. He is however going to set up rehab for her since she isn't getting around very much. Don't know how much good it will do, the last time she had rehab she stopped doing everything when they left. So we'll see how it goes this time.
Have a great day tomorrow girls!!! Take care of yourselves!
So glad I have you so that I know I'm not alone in this.
Good night all!
Darlene

MIL had gone through the therapy at home and rehab center 6 times now...and like you said, when they leave, she stops. She would do it for them and not for us and when she did, she would act like she couldn't. Wouldn't do that for the therapist. However, this time she acts like she is getting weaker instead of stronger and it's only been 2 visits. There comes a point I think nature starts taking over an no amount of therapy will help when they are giving up.
Jaye, I hope you are feeling better. Marla, how's the hubby and mom, Dani.....Suezee the rest of you....how are you.
Going to turn in.....and start the process all over again and see what new challenge tomorrow brings.
Kathy


First off, I want to thank those of you who did an anti-rain dance for me. It worked up until about 10pm. But that was fine cuz I was hoping everyone would leave by 8pm. The die-hards didn't but that was ok too. We had tons of food and drink and even a water fight after it rained! I couldn't believe my 60 yr old husband was participating! He did get the worst of it too. But since he was the birthday boy, it was ok and he washes up too. lol


We still haven't heard anything more about my daughter getting accepted into Clark College yet. We keep checking the mail but the letter hasn't shown up yet. She's still #2 on the waiting list for the other college out here, as far as we know. Anyhow, if neither one of these colleges work out, she's already accepted to NEO in Oklahoma.
My son still hasn't got his divorce papers from his attny. The waiting is awful. My son got into it with his boys this weekend. The older one was totally disrespectful and even took a swing at my son! That did not go down well. The worst part about it is that my grandson told my daughter that his dad restrained him for no reason. He neglected to tell her that he tried to hit his dad. I realize kids going thru their parent's divorces are prone to act out and play one parent against the other, but I'm appalled at the disrespect that boy has for everyone! I had told him to get off the computer 3 times on Saturday. He was suppose to be helping us clean up. Everytime I checked on him, he was back on-line. His dad also told him to get off 3 times. So 6 times he was asked to get off the computer and ignored it all!


My daughter and I went up to the hospital to see my SIL yesterday. Not Good! Not good at all!




Take care and hang in there.
Suezee

Suezee it sounds like you had a lot of fun at your party. Glad that the weater held out for you. It must have been so much fun with that water fight

I feel so out of the loop as far as my family is concerned. My step brother had hip replacement surgery a couple weeks ago, and my step sisters and sister in law got together and went up there to be with him (he lives out of state) and stayed a few days while he recouperated. They got a couple motel rooms and when these girls get together it's a laugh riot. Which I could use right about now. But of course I couldn't go. Now I just got a call that one of my step sister's son might have lung cancer. (they'll know more tomorrow). and yet once again I can't go be with her. All I can do is sit by the phone and wait for that dreaded call.
Hope all you girls are having better days then I am.
Love you all
Darlene



Suezee sounds like hubby had a great party. Sorry your SIL is not doing well. It's so hard to watch knowing there is nothing you can do to help.
Jaye hope your feeling better. those cries help believe or not. Just knowing we can come here and vent to someone who knows what we are going through is a blessing. Darlene, Cindy and Dani hope things are going well, and loved ones are doing good. Kathy you have a gift of beautifully putting into words what most of us feel in our hearts. Hope MIL is feeling better and gaining some strength back. As you say, at some point we have to leave it up to the Lord. May God bless you all and have a good Wed.




Suezee, glad everything turned out well for the BD. I hope everything else resolves itself soon.
Darlene, we have two of a kind. I know my MIL is getting deeper into this stage. She is not the same person she was a few weeks ago. Do any of you have the problem having to tell them exactly what to do--like walk? I've noticed a couple of times, for example at supper today. DH told MIL to get up and lets go to the Bathroom. She turns and sits and literally waits for him to tell her to get up and walk. Also this morning DH gave MIL a gown that was too short. The therapist was coming. I gave her another gown while she was at the table and told her when she got back into her room to change. Her routine is to change every morning in the bathroom. So she goes to the bathroom first, she had the gown, but she didn't change. I asked her why didn't she change and she told me I told her to change in her room. Which I did but she didn't take it upon herself to go ahead and change. She goes into her room and I told her to go ahead and change the therapist would be here soon. About 20 min. later I went in with the therapist and she still hadn't changed. I asked her why and she started stuttering and rambling excuses, whining and told me she couldn't get it off. I asked her why she didn't ring the bell for help and she was speechless and didn't know why. She does fine getting her gowns off and on in the bathroom...so I guess since she was out of her routine she couldn't do it??? She is taking everything we say literally like literal instruction as if she has completely stopped thinking on her own. She won't come out of her room unless we tell her.
Also, she goes & comes with the bathroom issue. She will have a couple of days her bell rings several times a day to go to the bathroom--nothing else--just bathroom. Then suddenly she stops & don't ask and don't want to go. I think she finds it too hard now to get her pull ups off & on and she's avoiding it until she has to. I've had to make her go today and then she didn't change her wet pull up, she said it wasn't wet. I had to make her feel and lift it--it weighed 5 lbs it seemed. But then she asked as she came out was it time to eat. So that is telling me she is waiting until it's time to eat and she has to get up anyway because she don't want to walk an extra 20 or 30 steps.
She is giving up before our eyes. When you don't have the desire to do the basics such as use the bathroom, it's getting bad. She is still able to do it, somewhat weaker than before, but still capable...she just don't want to.

Oh well, it's all just hitting so fast. I don't know what to really look for. I read all this stuff but it's not the same as observing it and understanding if it is AD or just her or both. I told you I had AD on steroids with her personality!
I hope things get better for all of us. As for my gift of words, I only say what is in my heart & what I feel lead to say. It helps so much having you guys to be able to express things to & know you understand. I get so much from you all and your experiences and I hope to give just a little of it back...from the heart---as I always say the good, bad and ugly!

Have a good Wed. you all. I hope it's better for us all.
Kathy

Marla, I'm sorry to hear that the Ativan doesn't help your hubby. I've seen Ativan not work at all on some people and on others, like your DH, works too well. You need to find some other kind of med for him.
(((((Jaye))))) Cyber hugs for you. I know how those days go. It's like you wish you could wake up from the nightmare, but it's reality. So you know the drill...vent like there's no tomorrow! It really helps your stress level go down. And we can all sympathize and relate.
Darlene, I hope you get good news about your nephew. I'll say a prayer.
Dani!!! We haven't heard from you for awhile. I hope everything is ok with your mom. I know she wasn't doing really well from your last post.
Cindy and Kathy, I'm glad you girls keep on posting and giving inspiration and hope and comfort. Bless you.
Here is my latest update... I may be off line for awhile as I am not in great shape. My neice called my this afternoon and told me that my dear SIL had passed away.



I'm sorry if I'm rambling. My thoughts are a mess and so am I. I'm trying to keep it together as best as I can but I'm sure I'll lose it soon. I'll keep in tough as best as I can, but just not right away. Don't worry about me tho, my hubby, son and daughter are all here for me.
Keep taking care of yourselves and I'll check back when I'm able.
Suezee



You are a good person Suezee and I know you will be there for her family....just let someone be there for you. You have a great loss too! She is at peace....it's our human nature than mourns "our" loss. God's speed to her soul!
As for the rest of you, I hope today is better than the previous for some of us. Dani, where are you? Is everything ok? Marla hows hubby and mother, Darlene, MIL, Cindy--good day? Jaye....feeling better? The rest of you checking in, hope you are well.
Today really sucks for me....I don't like that word but it's appropriate for my life today! My middle son is at the mountains with his friends...been hearing about all sorts of fun things they are doing, Dollywood, tubing down rivers, etc.....My hubby and daughter are gone to the beach on a youth group outing and my oldest son is working. I would like to be out and working right now....the operative word is "out"! I"m really happy for my kids, I want them to have some normalcy to their lives....but then I have the "what about me" syndrone!! I'm here waiting for a nurse which has just left. Good news is MIL pt level is 2 so it's still good, however energy and blood pressure still low. Still dropping to 80/60 when she gets up with the therapist. It's still running low just sitting. Got to push more fluids and it comes out as fast as she drinks it. This morning her clothes and bed linens and the mat that goes under her were so wet when I lifted them up they dribbled urine everywhere!!!! What a good thing to wake up to. I told her if she insists on going to bed early....6 or 7 pm then she is going to have to get up around 10ish and use the BR again. She says she is so tired but stays in bed and watches tv till about 11 as she does in her chair all day long. She sleeps until 10 am and is soaked and it smells so bad!!
Oh well, it's lunch time and I haven't had breakfast, only coffee. Took care of MIL, her breakfast, nurse and laundry....guess I need to take care of me for a few minutes.
I send blessings and peace to you all and hope you have a great day


Kathy




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