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    PTSD is ruining my life!
    An_267870 posted:
    I am 45 years old today, I've had quite the life till now. A number of horrible things happened to me but the worse things would being the beginning to what feels like the end of my life or at least the sane me. I am a smart person but I feel so out of control. Alcoholism, drugs, insomnia, lost jobs, friends, and family members all due to these traumatic events in my life. I want to be happy and feel safe again, but it just seems to be getting worse and worse. My dad thinks I'm crazy but it's hard to explain what this feels like. I was held up gunpoint & attempted to kidnap me at 22 yrs, I was taken & raped from a guy I hired at work, turned to alcohol & drugs just to cope ended up in prison for dui's, while in there I got breast cancer & had my breast removed that was traumatic enough on it's own. I've lost my daughter because of the effects of my ptsd, she won't have anything to do with me because of how I choose to cope with my stress and fear. I just can't handle anymore. My nightly panic attacks are so bad I feel like someone is breaking in or about to, it's that feeling you get right before something horrible happens. I'm 45 living with this most if not all of my adult life is too much for one to handle. Am I going crazy? can this ever end? Will I ever live a normal life again? I hide from everyone, the people I do tell don't have any idea what I go through every night. Am I alone?

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