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    Raising a High Functioning Autistic Child
    Dampy66 posted:
    Please Help!! I am the StepMother of a 12 1/2 year old boy who has been diagnosed with Autism.
    That is NOT the problem. The Problem here is my husband, and how he "Handles" his son, or Lack there of!!
    I worked in the Mental Health System for 21 1/2 years so I KNOW what it is to deal with folks that have Mental Disabilities, however my husband treats me as though I know Nothing!!
    My stepson is VERY intelligent, and High-Functioning. He is getting older now, (getting ready to begin his Teen years!), and I am Very Concerned!!
    He is doing things like Stealing, Breaking holes in the wall and Lying! And what does his Father do??? NOTHING!!!! Ohhh, he feels Bad cause his son has these problems, or because he doesn't get to see him as often as he would like so he uses these Excuses to ALLOW the child to do these Bad Behaviors!! Or, Better yet, he tell ME to deal with it!! What a Freakin' Cop Out!!!
    Here I am..Only the StepMom, his Mother has all sorts of "Choice Words/Names" for me despite the fact that if she has ever needed someone to take care of him, pick him up from school, buy him clothes/shoes I jump in, but when I asked to be "Included" in his PPT or be Included in his care, because after all I will be in his life now, I got the "Hell No" because he is NOT my child...but Yet when it comes time to "Deal" with him I'm supposed to Step Up..Please., Please Help!!!! =(
    What do I do?? How can I help myself, my stepson and our lives?? I am DESPERATE!! This boy is Quickly becoming a Teenager, and I Fear they are Creating a Monster by Using the Childs "Problems" as an Excuse to ALLOW him to do wrong/Bad things!!! And please let me explain...Yes, this child Most Definitely KNOWS what he is doing!! When his Father asked him if he had made the holes in the wall? He replied: "No! and you know if I was lying Dad I'd be laughing, but since I'm not you know I'm telling the truth!!" He LIED perfectly to his Father and did so with a Straight face!!!
    Suggestions anyone??? HELP PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    PinkBows responded:
    My father was the same way!

    My brother and I would stay at his house every other weekend and he would just let him get out of control. My father would take us to the store and my brother would get as much candy as he could carry.. obviously he isn't allowed to have so much so I would tell my brother "only one" and he would FLIP OUT. He would start screaming and throwing things.. Everyone would stare and make rude comments. It was completely mortifying but someone had to reinforce the rules. I would always get in trouble for disciplining my brother because my father felt guilty.. or sorry for him. Instead of dealing with the situation he would just let him do whatever he wanted. and why not? its not like he was the one that would have to live with the consequences. When we would get home my brother would be a complete brat and all the candy he consumed made him aggressive. My brother would be a nightmare.

    If I were you, I would sit down with his dad and explain to him that his son is going to start going through puberty and his behavior will get worse. Just because he is autistic doesn't mean he shouldn't have any rules or structure. He needs to be a responsible parent the same way he would be if his son was normal. If he lets him do whatever he wants, like my father did, then hes going to be difficult to be around and you'll never want to take him anywhere in fear that he will cause a scene.

    My father couldn't cope with my brothers autism. Its like he didn't even try to be our dad, you know? We haven't seen him in 6 years. So tell your husband to become a parent or he wont get to be a part of his sons life the way he should be.

    I'm sorry for venting and rambling haha. hopefully you found something I said useful.

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