Skip to content


    Attention All WebMD Community Members:

    These message boards are closed to posting. Please head on over to our new WebMD Message Boards to check out and participate in the great conversations taking place:

    Help with my violent Asperger's 5 year old and his nightmare Aspergers father please!
    11yearstoolong posted:
    Hi everyone

    My 5 year old has just been informally diagnosed with Aspergers and all of his bizarre and violent behaviour towards me and his siblings now makes sense. Can anyone help me with how to manage his aggression though? I have been beaten for the past 4 years and would really rather like it to stop!

    on top of that his father, my ex husband is also likely Aspergers and is still punishing me for divorcing him 3 years on. He refuses to communicate, is extremely passive aggressive, narcissistic and is now using our son to get back at me as well. I am caught between the pair of them and whilst keeping strong, its chipped away at my confidence for years. I'm trying to help my son, but his father wont co-operate and is actually making things worse. It seems that trying to change anything evokes physical aggression from my son and verbal from my ex. It can make me feel helpless, impotent and powerless to support my boy. My ex is intent on controlling everything and removing any voice I have. Its exhausting.

    Does anyone else have this problem?
    birdyg1rl responded:
    Does your child's father have visitation with him? I've
    always kept a journal of what's going on, date and time
    explaining the situation a little bit and the problem that
    arises from it. Maybe the court system can help, you have
    to be able to take care of yourself before you can help
    your son. A stroke or heart attack can be brought on by
    extreme stress and anxiety. I learned that the hard way
    by having a heart attack. Two sons with schizophrenia
    and one daughter(not schizophrenic) along with I'm high
    functioning autistic. Their charter school helps A Lot, with
    the behavior; aggression, fowl talk, actions etc... and
    would let me know daily the situation and consequence
    for each action. The other parent doesn't even take care
    of himself having schizophrenia and tells the kids I'm a
    bad mother and took all "his" money so he can't take them
    anywhere or have a car to come visit. He has brainwashed
    them so much that sometimes they won't even hug me
    cause it's all "my" fault. I went to the courts and now it's
    up to me if he can have supervised visitation. Their "father"
    never calls to even talk to them, we still send him cards,
    gifts, pictures etc... cause they don't understand. I hope
    you can find help with your situation and things get easier.
    The journaling really helped our situation just don't let them
    use the kids in the meetings with court it can really
    devastate them emotionally.
    carolynlsp responded:
    OMG, you sound like me 9 years ago when my Ex walked out on me and our two adopted sons, ages 4 & 5. My oldest son would have major meltdowns and get physical. They labeled him "Intermitten Explosive Disorder" which means that he would blow up over something (You had no idea why). I could tell him to turn off the TV with many warnings, then I had to do it and he would literally lose it. I would have to hold him down in a body lock until he was exhausted. You can only imagine what my younger son was thinking/feeling.
    All three of us were in counseling, and I took the boys to a Child Psychiatrist, and they have been going there for the past 10 years. They are diagnosed with ADHD, Bi-polar, anxiety, and now probably High-Functioning Autism. They are currently 15 & 16.
    My ex is of no help. He was in and out of their lives when it was convenient for him. He is very judgemental and narcissistic (which I didn't realize until he left). He and I have been through counseling for the boy's sake, but I refuse to anymore as he will not take any responsibility for anything.
    The boys refuse to see him, and he can't understand why. Duh... I am in the middle of a lawsuit, which he started when he remarried 2 years ago, which makes no sense.. This has brought more pain and anxiety to our boys. My advice to you would be to find a good Psychiatrist, and get your son evaluated. Then get a good counselor and start taking him to him/her. and you both have some sessions together, to improve yalls relationship. Then hire a lawyer and ask that the court put an injunction against your ex until he starts to act like a Father, and has something to add to help, instead of tearing you and your son down. In trying to get back at you, he is hurting your son and doing more damage than he realizes. With the help of the psychiatrist, and counselor, you should have enough professional opinions to help you make a case against your Ex. I hate to say have his rights taken away, but the courts can make him take parenting classes, and seek help himself if he is causing distress to your son.
    I will pray for you as you have a rough road ahead, but as a MOM, we will do anything for our children, and you have to stay strong, tell your son how much you love him and show him each and every minute you can.. make special memories of the two of you, and never say anything negative about your Ex to your son. (if you do, it will come back to bite you in the ____). as it will with your ex saying things to your son about you. The child will defend the person who is being attacked not that we want our children to be placed in this position.
    When they are 5 years old, all we want for them is for them to enjoy their childhood and experience wonderful positive things.
    God Bless You and Hang in there. Prayer is a powerful thing, and the more people you have praying for you the better it is.. so ask your church to place you on prayer list, and get on any other prayer list you can.
    I hope this helps. Know that you are not alone! Love to hear back from you.
    nicolawalker responded:
    I'm in same boat as you my boy is 5yrs and he's keep kicking off he strayed to hit me few times sometimes I feel all my fault he's not been clarified yet if got austism aspergies but saying he's got it got social worki and other professional,been on list for ages he hasn't been seen thanks

    Spotlight: Member Stories

    ~*~Art and Autism~*~ My 13 year old daughter has Autism and Art has been a wonderful outlet for her. It allows her to express herself in a positive wa...More

    Popular Discussions

    Helpful Tips

    Mom of 21 year old with PDD/Aspergers
    I know that when my son was young I would have loved to hear this. He is now in a four year college and doing okay. Not great but okay. He ... More
    Was this Helpful?
    9 of 14 found this helpful

    Helpful Resources

    Report Problems With Your Medications to the FDA

    FDAYou are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.