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    BipolarDisorder2 posted:
    [TRIGGER] __________________________________________________________________________________

    I'm on the depressed end of this wonderful illness, and my anxiety is extremely high all the time...I have no interest in doing the things I normally thoroughly enjoy, and I have constant visions of killing myself. I wrote my 2nd suicide note yesterday (the first was written last February when I attempted for the first time) and the 'plan' is that I want to slit my wrists in the bathroom at work. I have gone back to SI recently as well, and it's really bad...I will probably have scars on the backs of my legs from the slashing I have been doing. I just want to die and not have to deal with relationships, with work, with pressure and fear and uncertainty...I don't want to live anymore. A little piece of me is holding back, and having second thoughts....if I had my way, I'd admit myself to a psych hosptial today, right now, but without insurance and parents who don't know I have this, I can' last I checked nobody even had a bed open. Would they charge me for being watched in an ER for a while? I can't do this.......I don't want to do this and I'm scared that today it'll happen Basically, aside from being in a mixed episode, I'm experiencing EVERYTHING I did the last time I attempted.....anyway, love youguys...esp IrwinsLady who is one of my best friends.
    slik_kitty responded:
    if you are at this point then you need to go to the er to get help. insurance or not. you need to go. hugs
    bpcookie responded:
    BD2 sweet heart, first let me say that I am very sorry for not welcoming you back to the board, Ive been real busy and having health issues. Now to address your issue.

    You know that writing a suicide note means trouble. Do NOT wait to get help, get help NOW. Call the suicide crisis line or go to the ER. Your life is what is important, not money and not your mom and dad finding out about this illness. Your an adult.

    Im sure if you went to ER and told them you were suicidal they would NOT turn you away and if they had to, they would take you to the state hospital. I cant see how it would be legal for anyone to turn away someone feeling suicidal. Dont be scared, just go to ER honey. Listen to mamaC. love ya
    Live everyday like it was your last, and eventually you'll be right.
    BipolarDisorder2 replied to bpcookie's response:
    It's okay MamaC, I'm probably not going be back around here for long...sorry to hear about your continuing health problems

    I went into work and my boss wanted to talk to me...apparently the HR person I had spoken with yesterday told my boss about what I'd said, and she was 'concerned' I got a card with a number of therapists & doctors to call that the company uses (oh gee that makes me feel great) and am getting a call Monday about going back...I'm PISSED cos I called off a 7 hour shift and got sent home form my 9 hour one today....I'm SUPER bummed. Oh well...htey might let me work tomorrow but I doubt it....Chris said if I was on the schedule for Sunday not to worry about it. AUGH.
    nopoin responded:
    CAUTION MAY BE TRIGGERING-----------------------------------------

    To Bipolar Disorder 2, So this is where you have been hiding lately, Be careful about what you do or how you feel cause I got fired from my job. Last week I was playing around with my med's ( refusing to take them) and for the first time in my life I had to admit to some one other than me that I was suicidal before i had cut meds cold turkey. Stupid move on my part. since thursday I have back on all 4 of them. My biggest issues right now that I will be facing is 1) Is my 9 year old bipolar or adhd. and 2) Why does she like knifes all of a sudden. Hang in there, things seen to get a little better each day. things have a way of working out.
    Dyanne48jj replied to BipolarDisorder2's response:
    tight hug honey, go to the ER. we need you!!!
    I KNOW I am crazy....THAT is what keeps me from going INSANE!!! Oceans and Stars- Dyanne
    BipolarDisorder2 replied to Dyanne48jj's response:
    Thank you, Dyanne. *hugs back*


    I got sent home from co-worker Jamie asked me if I was okay this morning and I couldn't honestly say 'yes'. Next thing I knew (after answering some phones and starting to get into the groove of my job) my boss wanted to talk to me...basically she gave me the 'we're concerned about you' and I ended up being forced to leave early (I was at work for a grand total of maybe an hour...which means I made $8.19 instead of the $130 I would have today) and she'd take me off the schedule for tomorrow; and it wouldn't be held against me. I'm getting a call from my HR Monday to see how I am and hopefully tell me I can come in to work. I actually went into the bathroom and cut my wrists up....never thought I'd do that but that was the vision I kept having, even on Ativan...which calmed me down very much...I think it made me able to handle ita ll, and not get restrained to an EMS gurrney later.

    I'm doing better....hopefully all of you are too.
    spinnato responded:
    Please go to the ER. They can halp find you a bed quickly so you can get help.
    BipolarDisorder2 replied to spinnato's response:

    I'm SO angry right now, and SO tired. Everyone is trying to convince me not to try and kill myself, but I already sent my man an email telling him goodbye, ahd he's been through HELL this summer; who am I to add to taht?! I feel like I should go through it so as to end my misery and so i won't cause him or anyone else any more misery. I'm torn between taking pills or slitting my wrists....A hospital would mean I would be homeless upon release; believe me or not, my family would 100% disown me, they'd maybe let me take my belongings but I wouldn't hve a home, no support, etc. So I can't very well do they said they don't have a bed at the place I'd go. Someone help...I'm SO angry but SO sad....
    pixe5 replied to BipolarDisorder2's response:

    You need to go to the ER NOW!! If they don't have a bed they can take you to another hospital by ambulance. And insurance or no they are required by law to take you.

    You are overthinking the situation rather than taking action. I don't know the situation with your family but a social worker at the hospital could help you get to a board and care, or some other facility.

    Get help now, please!!!


    BipolarDisorder2 replied to pixe5's response:
    I got put on medical leave until further notice from work today, meaning that until my psychiatrist decides that I'm sane enough to go back, they won't let me work....I see him at 10:40 tomorrow morning and hopefully he will provide me the rest of the week off in order to adjust to the meds....that's what I asked my HR boss for, so hopefully it works out before I have 40 hours next week.

    I guess there were 7 co-workers who came to her with 'concerns' regarding my health and she had to do something......When does it end!?
    IrwinsLady responded:
    Oh honey I know your having a rough time and all. you can get through this. i am here for you whenever you need to talk. ive been there before. its not easy but with the right help and good people you will pull through.
    The voices in my head and my 2 imaginary friends got into a fight and I had to break it up by hitting my head on the wall and telling then CALM YOUR ASSES DOWN! ( my friend posted this on fb)
    nopoin replied to IrwinsLady's response:
    The same thing happened to about 4 months ago, I got put on a medical leave of absent just because I was going to pass out, It took me 4 doctor notes before I could return to work. then 2 months ago I got fired, My ex boss stills tries to say it was my meds that did it, or that I must have been taking something else along with my meds. I'm clean and the only meds i take are the my t put me on. Just watch out.
    BipolarDisorder2 replied to IrwinsLady's response:
    thanks, sis....I love you.
    BipolarDisorder2 replied to nopoin's response:
    really? Well, my HR boss was concerned and said they couldn't have me in the building (as if I'd hurt anyone else...PLEASE)....I see my pdoc tomorrow and will tell him to give me the rest of the week off an then I will jump into a 40 hour workweek next week.

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