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    Seeking Answers to my Reality
    laylaiman posted:
    My marriage ended a month ago. I believe my bipolar disorder drastically controlled my moods and emotions during my marriage. Now that I am divorced I am becoming the better person I needed to be all along. I am in an incredible amount of pain that I lost my husband who meant the world to me. I just lost sight of my goals and became swept up in my illness. How can I rekindle a friendship with him and regain his trust? Is it possible? I am open to any helpful suggestions.
    An_250284 responded:
    I am sorry about your situation, but I am in the same boat from the other side. Please tell me, how is it that you see the light now? My boyfriend is manic again. He has hurt me to no end and I am kicking him out because I think that I am actually losing my mind. He went to jail for assault on me, got on meds and if he promised to stay on them, I would let him back. 2.5 months later, he decided for us that he would stop taking them. Broken doors, lamps and hearts later, he says "ok, I will start taking them again. 3 years of this? I honestly dont think my brain can take anymore of the mood swings, lies, secrets (paranoia). I have put up with so much, I just dont think I can ever trust him again. I live like a hostage in my own home. I am always terrified who will walk in the door...Will it be him or that mean guy? I miss my boyfriend. The man who lives here now is a stranger and I am sad, confused and about to crack. Please tell me what is working for you. I need to hear there is hope. I am all out of hope and sanity. I am tired and hurt and feel very betrayed. He disappears for a day, a night, loses clothes? BS. Hides all calls, walks out of the house and has people pick him up down the road. Bizzarre behavior. No remorse. I cannot trust or live with him anymore.
    laylaiman replied to An_250284's response:
    I have learned that trust once gone is nearly impossible to rebuild. To answer your question I saw the light once I was officially divorced. Once I realized that I could not go back to him I was able to accept responsibility for all of my actions and work on becoming a better more functioning person. I have worked hard this past month, and I pray every day that my ex husband can forgive me one day and accept me into his life again. I am proud of you for not giving up on your boyfriend, but you might need to let him go so he can do some growing on his own. I am not at all who I was in our marriage. I am self-realized and more mature now. Pain is a good teacher, and it teaches patience above anything else.
    monkey11 replied to laylaiman's response:
    It's tue oddly enough. I have a discussion on here because my husband left me. It was supposed to be a trial separation, but I don't think that is the direction it is actually heading. However, him leaving was a huge wake up call in many ways. I have two children to take care of, and letting them down right now is not an option. Somehow, knowing that no one is here to take care of me has made me a little stronger. Don't get me wrong, I could really use someone to hold me when I cry sometimes, but there is no one, so I just cry alone. I have regrets about my behavior during the last year of our marriage, but on the other hand, I do have an illness. Could I have pushed myself a little harder? Sure, but I didn't want to, so I didn't. So, maybe if he realizes how much there really is to lose, he may decided to find the strength to help himself get more balance in him mind and life. This bipolar stuff is tricky, for everyone involved.

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