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    Do you have Borderline Personality Disorder? This new Exchange has been developed so we can encourage each other, share tips to get through those down days, and/or just vent.
    Some Traits Common to People with BPD
    marysings posted:

    People with BPD may have other attributes that are not part of the DSM definition but that researchers believe are common to the disorder. Many of these may be related to sexual or physical abuse if the BPD has experienced abuse earlier in life.

    Pervasive Shame: The all-pervasive sense that I am flawed and defective as a human being. It is no longer an emotion that signals our limits; it is a state of being, a core identity. Toxic shame gives you a sense of worthlessness, the feeling of being isolated, empty, and alone in a complete sense.

    Undefined Boundaries: People with BPD have difficulty with personal limits-both their own and those of others.

    Control Issues: Borderlines may need to feel in control of other people because they feel so out of control with themselves. In addition, they may be trying to make their own world more predictable and manageable. People with BPD may unconsciously try to control others by putting them in no-win situations, creating chaos that no one else can figure out, or accusing others of trying to control them. Conversely, some people with BPD may cope with feeling out of control by giving up their own power; for example, they may choose a lifestyle where all choices are made for them, such as the military or a cult, or they may align themselves with abusive people who try to control them through fear.

    Lack of Object Constancy: When we're lonely, most of us can soothe ourselves by remembering the love that others have for us. This is very comforting even if these people are far away-sometimes, even if they're no longer living. This ability is known as object constancy. Some people with BPD, however, find it difficult to evoke an image of a loved one to soothe them when they feel upset or anxious. If that person is not physically present, they don't exist on an emotional level. The BPD may call you frequently just to make sure you're still there and still care about them.

    Interpersonal Sensitivity: Many individuals have noticed that some people with BPD have an amazing ability to read people and uncover their triggers and vulnerabilities. One clinician jokingly called people with BPD psychic.

    Situational Competence: Some people with BPD are competent and in control in some situations. For example, many perform very well at work and are high achievers. Many are very intelligent, creative, and artistic. This can be very confusing for family members who don't understand why the person can act so assuredly in one situation and fall apart in another.

    Narcissistic Demands: Some people with BPD frequently bring the focus of attention back to themselves. They may react to most things based solely on how it affects them.

    I did not create this document. I copied it from some information given to me by Dr.B

    ... but we rejoice in our afflictions because we know that affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope. Romans 5:3b
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    mandybutterflykiss responded:

    True that "Some" people with BPD/EID may have attributes not listed in the DSM.. But this could apply to anyone with or without BPD/EID.

    "Researchers believe SOME, may be related to sexual and physical abuse" but have yet to find evidence to support their theories.

    There are many individuals with BPD/EID that do not have these attributes and many without BPD/EID that do.

    Example: I have complex PTSD. Not BPD/EID, not bipolar, schitzoid behavoirs, etc. I have 45 years of a life of trauma, neglect and abuse.

    I have shame, boundry and control issues, I am the oppisite of a narcassist, I never knew love and only knew I felt alone in life. I am a highly competent, intellectual, artistic individual.
    I am not a psychic. I do not prefess to be a mind reader of anyone's thoughts or emotions. Anyone can read anothers body language, see triggers and vulnerabilities if they seek these out. This is not a psychic gift.

    This document from Dr. B... is simply put... just a hypothesis, a theory.

    I do not say this to disrespect anyone or to create conflict. I say this to only express my view on the matter.

    Blessings to you.
    marysings replied to mandybutterflykiss's response:
    Thank you for expressing your opinion. That's why I gave the title "Some".

    No hard feelings at all. Have a good week, I'll be back late Thursday.

    ... but we rejoice in our afflictions because we know that affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope. Romans 5:3b
    Reya5 replied to mandybutterflykiss's response:
    I'd like to jump in here and respond to both Mary and Mandy. The list is a pretty good one. And Mandy you are correct it's a theory. In science everything is a "theory" which is then supported by evidence or not.

    The common denominator under all of these dumb labels is codependency which at it's core is idolatry.

    When you work on the codependency, all the other stuff goes away. You have to get to where you actually get your opinion of yourself and all of your needs met from God.

    IE: I have a very selfish boyfriend who is incapable of meeting my emotional needs when I feel a loss. So I recognize that and that it is about him and his fears and I go to God and get my comfort and move on.

    All women have 3 core desires:
    1. To reveal beauty
    2. To be delighted in, and
    3. To be a part of an adventure; but not THE adventure.

    A woman's core question is "Am I beautiful?" Because how can a woman reveal beauty if she isn't beautiful.

    Seek to get these answers revealed to you by God who is the only source that can not be disputed.

    Once you get your "core" answers from God Himself and you know "Who you are" then courage follows and good boundaries begin to be formed naturally and easily without you having to do it as an exercise. Things come easily and flow. The codependency goes away and the borderline goes away and all of the other mental disorders go away. Those are just labels of symptoms.

    God Bless.
    alaskagirl84 responded:
    how to be the partner/spouse living with it?? any tips?? for it is so very hard to have a spouse who has BPD...........
    cjcampbell54 responded:
    OMG! You've described me exactly. Thank you. I thought it was just me and that I was going insane.
    kattz62 replied to cjcampbell54's response:
    Describes me exactly too. Every symptom. You are not alone.
    moongoddess3 responded:
    PERVASIVE SHAME - I feel this way constantly. Worthless and easily forgotten. It's not just in my head but people do forget about me cause they don't want to be around me I guess.

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