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    My Husband, Just had Surgery
    An_246386 posted:
    My husband just had colon surgery 2 days ago. He had 14 inches of his colon removed. He was diagnosed with cancer almost 2 wks ago, so the surgery was pretty quick. We are still in shock that he even has cancer. He just turned 58. The Dr. said it's "been there awhile" whatever that means. The results are going to be in by Tues. or Wed. I so scared it's stage 3 or 4. I can't sleep or anything. Does anyone here know if a person can live years being diagnosed with a later stage of cancer?? I am just sick. I will never be the same. I feel so sad for us. I just don't know what to do or think.
    BusyHealthyBee responded:
    Your family is blessed... Everyone who fights with cancer is a hero! Stay strong and hope everything will be better... My friends told me this website which they used to track patients' symptoms by chatting with real doctors and saving e-record. Hope this could make you more prepared before going to the real doctors and feel strong... You may want to check with this article to see how convenient it is.
    wandalein responded:
    My husband who is just 51 in June was diagnoised with cancer tumour on March 6th. he thought it was a high-up hemeroid but it was a tumour in his rectum. He had the surgery to remove apx. 12 inches and 16 lymph nodes on March 23rd. It all happened so quick. I was so schocked and scared. His did turn out to be stage 3 because 1 lymph node out of 16 removed was infected. He was schocked but from all the reading I had done, I knew by the time he had symptoms he would have been at least a stage 2. The doctor also told my He has a temporary illiostomy that was to be reversed 3 months later but now it won't be till the end of August. I can tell you that the surgery and recovery was rough. For the first month it was one day good, one day bad. It was really stressful. Now he looks normal and feels normal. Finally. It was so unexpected. He had no family history, he is healthy, in good shape and we have always eaten healthy and he is a very minimal occaisional drinker of light beer. He had no risk factors. The doctor said it could have started as a polyp 7 years ago. We were totally blind-sided and would have never imagined this. It does get better. We don't know what the future holds but this whole experience has changed us. The hardest thing for me was to learn to be in the moment (today is a gift that is why they call it the present) and to over come my fear. We have two sons, one 22 and one 14. We have been very open with them through this journey. We can still joke and laugh every moment we can. My husband has told his surgeon that he hoped there wasn't a reconnection fee because he didn't get much of a disconection notice. The one day good, the one day bad turns into 4 good days in a row, and before you know it there is a few good weeks in a row before you have a bad day. Live in the moment that is the only advice I can give you. The whole thing is very brutal. I think the only description I have heard that puts it right is Cancer sucks. It just sucks. It certainly isn't fair. Its victims are sometimes just random and undeserving. My husband's surgeon said you will never be able to figure out why. You would drive yourself nuts thinking about it. My husband will be monitored and no pun intended but he can't wait to be reconnected and put this behind him.
    wandalein responded:
    I also wanted to add that I know how you feel. I was a zombie for weeks, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. I read and researched everything I could. Some stats really scared me about survival rates and reoccurences. Then I realized if the odds are better than 50% (and they are), we have a chance. I also involved family and friend support. I gladly accepted everyone's prayers, Catholics, Baptists, Budists, Mormons, everyone. The mind is a powerful thing. I had no problem being postivie for my husband and children but I admit in my darkest moments I had to stop myself from thinking. Hence living in the moment. As a bit of a control freak this was the hardest for me to accept something that we don't have a lot of control over. We may not be able to control the situation but we can control how we respond to the situation.
    langleydalene replied to wandalein's response:
    My husband has a illeostomy bag,due to colon and bladder cancer,but has drainage from his rectum.The surgeon says the drainage is normal.Has anyone else had the same problems with a colonostomy or illeostomy surgery?He thought there was another fishula but CT scan showed no fishula.Please help.
    wandalein replied to langleydalene's response:
    My husband has had that he has even passed win, shich apparenly can also happen because of bacteria etc
    ElliottinNJ responded:
    Wow, I know it's hard. I was first diagnosed in 1999. Bowel resection. Scar tissue blockage so Colostomy for 6 mos. Reattached everything. Mass found in right lung in 2003, removed and chemo. recently a lesion found in right temporal lobe, removed. radiation with chemo to follow. Nothing followed a normal path. Do your research to understand. You also have to remember that both you and your husband will have things to deal with and they will be different. Remember to talk AND listen to each other. Ask lots of questions with the doctors. They work for you and are part of your team, make them work. I may be an extreme case but hang in there and make sure you follow up.
    An_247017 responded:
    I understand exactly what you are going through. My husband, age 46, was diagnosed in April with colon cancer. A tumor was blocking his colon and had surgery within a week of diagnosis. His cancer is stage IV as it has spread to his liver and pelvis. Surgery is not an option at this point and his oncologist and liver specialist have advised chemo bi-weekly indefiinitely. Chemo consists of approx 5 hrs a week at the cancer center in a chair then wearing a pump for an additional 46 hours which means a lot of discomfort and no shower. Fortunately he has not had major side effects and is still able to play ball with our kids, ages 6 & 11, coach and do most things that he wants to do and does not do anything that he does not. The oncologist has been encouraging about surviving with advanced cancer but realistic about the prognosis. His oncologist & surgeon have both encouraged him to believe that the chemo can do its job and shrink the tumors and if the ones in the pelvis would dissolve, a liver surgery would take care of the rest. We are praying for that miracle!
    An_247020 responded:
    My husband was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer in March of this year and 3 weeks later he died.We didnt even know he had cancer.They said on his death certificate,he had it months.No one knew.This news hit us like a brick.They said he had less than ayear to live,he died in 3 weeks.I am still in shock.I cry all the time.He was 64 and this Oct would have been our 40th wedding anniversary.I miss him so,We couldnt even talk.They were giving him Morphine in the hospital and he was very sick at home.I will never be the same.I have 3 children and grandchildren but its not the same.He was my everything.I am going for grief counseling in Sept.I hope your husband makes it.I hope your news is good.I will pray for you.I know what you are going thru.I didnt think my husband would get cancer.Just cherish the time you have and if youre lucky enough to have time to say the things to each other you need to say do it.I didnt get that chance.I got no answers from the doctors after he died.The doctors were so cold in the hospital.I still to this day dont know what kind a pancraetic cancer he got because they wont give me his medical records even though I am listed on the HIPA privacy statement.They dont want me to know something.God speed and peace to you.
    trae58 responded:
    This is the first time I've seen your post or I would have replied sooner.YES,YES,you can survive with stage 3 and 4 cancer.My husband was diagnoised with esophageal cancer stage 4 in 2009.The oncologist said he had 3 months to live.My husband looked at me and said,"That's not going to happen".I know how scared you are,I know the sleepless nights and the real physical and emotional pain you are in.I'll tell you a short version of what has happened.My husband was 52 when he was diagnoised,He had stage 4 with a tumor (sorry bout fruit reference but that's how they explain) in his esophagus the size of a grapefruit.He had chemo and radiation for 2 months.It didn't touch the tumor.We decided to go ahead with surgery,which this doc didn't want to do because he said only 8% of patience survive.Steve(my hus.) said,why can't I be the 8%? So,in feb of 2009 he had the tumor removed.Forty five minutes after a 8 hr surgery he became septic.They said he would die in the next few days.They put him in an induced coma for 5 months,he was on dialysis-SP? 24 hrs. a day,had heart failure that took 12 shocks to get him back.I never left the hospital.He was in ICU for over 12 months,he had 38 iv poles around his bed.Every single day they said this may be the day he dies.I knew in my heart it wasn't going to happen.He left the hosp. went into a rehab for 6 more months.They pulled his stomach next to his collar bone and that's where it is now.After being home for 2 months we found out that he had liver and lung tumors.We live in Indianapolis which has a huge cancer hosp.that has been in top ten for years.But,we felt like the doc had decided steve was going to die and didn't want to do anything.We went to MDAnderson for another opinion.He said he needs to be on a chemo regimen that I have had grt success with.Our oncologist refused to give the chemo because he said it was horrible and that we needed to get a grip on Steve's mortality and go home.The liver surgeon and thorasic surg.told us to get another doc fast.We found a new doc and she said of course I'll give you that.She spoke to the doc at mdanderson and they made a plan.Steve started chemo in oct. of 2011 and in Feb.of 2012 his pet scan was completely clear.He stayed on chemo until may-new pet scan.All tumors gone-really gone.She put him on a chemo vacation and he had another scan last week and once again the scan was completely clear.It is truly a miracle.He is up and about,cooking,exercising,living.It has now been 4 yrs. in Sept.,that's far away from 3 months.The only advice I have and I swear on everything thats close to me is--don't think your doctor knows everything and is the one to tell you how long your husband has-Especially don't get to the point because you just think he is so loving,caring,what's the best for you and your husband.If things are going down hill,even if the doc can explain exactly what he thinks it is-go to someone else for second opinion..Hurting feelings is not part of this battle and it is a battle to save your husband.From day one I never left my husband alone in the hosp.never.I can't tell you how many mistakes were made or not made because I was there to protect him(pls.don't think I'm saying I saved him) I'm saying if you don't watch and listen and become part of the team in his treatments and his everyday care,so many things can happen.If you get an answer that breaks your heart and makes you think you should give up-GO to another doctor.I believe my husband is alive today,not only from seeking the answers from everywhere you can(watch out with the internet-that can make you feel like there is no hope) and talk,talk,talk to the doctors.and most of all never give up,never.But,most importantly be right next to him every second that you can and don't ever assume that the nurses or doctors know what they're doing.I'm not a person who thinks they know more than anyone-pls.I want to write so much more-Our docs,nurses are wonderful.wnt to talk [email protected]
    wifeandfriend responded:
    Hi and best of luck in your cancer fight..My husband fought
    after bowel resection, chemo, 4mons of remission and then
    mets to his liver and at the end lung Ca...The whole time he
    was strong and gave it his ALL. He is gone now 3 years and
    I still miss him everyday. But whatever happens in your husbands fight YOU will survive and go was the worse
    thing I very went through.. He died at home and he had stopped talking (because of the Meds) a week before...So we never had a chance to talk or tell each other anything but it was
    OK--I was Glad he was out of pain and at peace..the fight was
    over....BUT some people do go on for a long time and live. Your husband maybe one of them...I pray he is...You can do what you can and feel at peace with yourself.. take care
    my prayers are with you and your family....STAY STRONG!
    junebugjelly replied to langleydalene's response:
    I was diagnosed with Stage IV rectal cancer in November 2004. I had to have an ileostomy after the surgery. It was only supposed to be temporary but due to the surgery and where my tumor was located in my rectum reversal will probably never happen. I still have drainage from my rectum because even though I no longer use my colon it is still alive and produces mucus. In addition, I have a stricture at my rectum and also experience painful pressure every so often when the drainage is unable to come out. It is annoying but probably the only way to get rid of it is to have the colon removed which would require another surgery.
    An_247084 responded:
    Yes you can live years after being diagnosed with later stage cancer. Think positive and try to do away with stress in your lives. Also, eat healthy and exercise. He is young and will recover quickly. Think positive. Talk everything over with your hhusband and his doctors and your family. Don't hold anything bback from them.
    happydanny responded:
    I know the feeling of being diagnosed and don't know what is going to happened next. I was diagnosed with rectal cancer and after all the test was done, it is between T2 and T3 because the tumor was small enough and has not spread to other part of the body after two CT and pat scan. but it all depend on yur husband's health condition I believe and how he respond to the post surgery treatment with chemotherapy I guess. I am surprised that they did not do the radiation or chemotherapy before surgery, I guess 14 inches of colon being removed is quite a large area to be treated. I hope he has good report and stay positive. My surgery will come in a month becuase I just finished all my treatments last week. Don't worry as I told my wife all the time, just enjoy the time you are together and more vegetable juice!
    happydanny replied to wandalein's response:
    Thank you for the positive note. I am awaiting for my surgery in a few weeks and was kind of anxious to know what it will be like after surgery. I had to drive myself to the radiation treatment an hour each way for three weeks because my daughter has to work during that time. I was so afraid that I couldn't hold the movement when it comes and always fear that will happen when I am on the highway, well, it did happen one morning and it was the most terrible feeling I have even had. I did prepared to have plastic over my seat and just a very humble feeling. sometime I couldn't make it from my bed to the bathroom. It is still going on every day. I ask the Lord to give me the strength to sustain all these for the days to come, I know it is coming. My tumor was only about inches and a half and no where else has the cancer cell after two CT and a PAT scan, well, don't know how the future holds, but just like you all, still positive, I wish I could get my wife to do that I will be very happy because she worry sick over all these and she is in China and not able to apply the visa to come at this time. I just want her not to be worry. I know it is easy to say. I am so glad to read a positive message these days.

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