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    Exhaused!.... Tired of feeling this way...
    BlueDiamonds84 posted:
    Hi, new here..... I have been depressed ever since I could remember. I have been diagnosed with chronic major depressive disorder. I wake up every day with terrible anxiety, dreading the day. I have lost jobs due to sleeping in and calling in sick too much.

    I have been on multiple medications over the span of a decade, seen numerous therapists and am always trying to better myself. I don't smoke, drink, party, do drugs or any of that. I am always praying, reading self-help books, listening to inspirational music and writing in my journal. BUT even though I make a concerted effort.... I'm starting to get very tired in life.... tired of fighting these thoughts I have everyday and then being attacked by my significant other bc I can't even get out of bed to make him a meal or do what I need to do. I don't blame him though, I wish I wasn't like this either... If I don't absolutely have to be up in the morning for an appt or work, I sleep....

    I feel like no one understands that I wish I could just "snap" out of it, or use mind over matter! I feel useless... have been called narcissistic..... been told that what I am experiencing is not real.... that there are ppl who have experienced worse than me (extremely traumatic & abusive childhood, deep depression) and they still are able to just suck it up. That this is the real world and you have to just deal with it..

    Im so very exhausted.... tired of just barely getting by in life and just barely being able to take care of myself, let alone anyone else... I just want to know that someone out there understands and cares... that I am not the only one that feels this way...

    I have given up all ambition and dreams..... they are too hard to work towards when I never know if I can wake up on time for work from one day to the next. Just starting to feel like settling for a "just barely being able to get by" kind of life...

    Thanks for listening--

    Villianatrix responded:
    I posted yesterday about how my family doesn't believe/understand my depression so I understand how frustrating it is to deal with people who don't get it. But just so you know, I believe you! Don't let that get to you. It's unfortunate but people are undereducated about mental illness in this country and it makes it very difficult for those of us that suffer from it to cope. I know it's hard but you need to not worry about what people are saying to you and just keep pushing forward. Try to do what you can and forgive yourself for not being able to "do it all". Let them call you "narcissistic" or whatever they want. You can't control what others do so you gotta just take care of yourself. I read this a few weeks ago and liked it. Hope it helps.
    "Before you start to judge me, step into my shoes and walk the life I'm living and if you get as far as I am, just maybe you will see how strong I really am."
    Take care of your self and stay strong.
    BlueDiamonds84 replied to Villianatrix's response:
    Hey Villanatrix, thank you for the words of encouragement! It really just helps tremendously knowing there is someone else who can validate my feelings! I notice I do feel better when I vent or have someone I trust that I can talk to. Too bad its not my best friend/significant other I feel like I am denying who I am bc someone else doesn't believe my depression is really there...
    I am taking baby steps to try to re-align my life... I've got to scrape everything together once again and find a place to live, once again and try to hold it together. I do hope that there is more to life and that one day I will find some level of happiness.. Thanks again for your kind words, they really helped me today.

    mlobbest responded:
    u sound just like me so i completely understand u. unfortunatly im afraid i have given up. ive lost my will to live. Like u i have done all the right things but as soon as im feeling good like throws me yet another curve ball. I dont have the strenght anymore to constantly battle life. Ive lost my will to live. I have even bought a book on how to end my life. I just want to feel happy.
    CouponDee19 responded:
    Hi there, I hear you! I have Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain. I work full time but it's just getting tooooo much! On the weekends I sleep almost all day, I'm just so tired and in pain all the time. Nobody seems to understand or even care, they judge and don't know why I'm so tired. Even my own sister has made several comments to me like what's my problem. (UGH!!) Have you tried anti depressants or counseling? Those are our's ok to use them. I believe you and I know it's not easy! A couple ways I deal with it is being honest with my husband, he's so understanding and makes changes around the house to help me. I've also started couponing, it's been about 2 years now, I find it fun and of course saving tons of money! When I'm preparing for a shopping trip, I'm pretty distracted form my other thoughts and feelings about how sucky like can be. Bottome line, I hear you & I totally believe you! Hugs!
    mlobbest replied to mlobbest's response:
    I'm sorry if I raised some concern regarding my post. I won't harm myself anytime soon. I don't even know if that's what I really want. I'm just so tired of struggling all the time. In fact, after I wrote this I got a call from my landlord letting me know he might be losing the house I live in. Un-frickin-believable. Anyways, I am reading the book more future reference. Like 20 years from now. Also, I am seeing a psychiatrist and a couple other therapists. I'm very sorry if I alarmed anyone. It won't happen again.
    jians replied to mlobbest's response:
    dont do it..alot of people is going through the same ctuation or even worse than were you are right now.,there are alot of people struggling to accept that their "dying" at any time and is dying to find a way as well to extend their lives.there is hope,in Christ alone let's place our trust.,d moment u end ur life is not the "END" but it is d moment u decided to end ends the moment we give up.i too has been going to alot of miseries in life,too many to mention here.,BUT i cannot afford to just end my life bc i believe in the hope i have w/ God,i dont own my life the only one who will take it is Him.,i am more afraid and worried of what kind of life will i have if i will stop fighting and just give up.,remember,we all had a certain purpose in life,together lets both found it out,but we need to keep hanging in there.,prayers for both of us.,
    kbriann responded:

    I do understand and I am sorry that you have been struggling with depression. I too have struggled off and on over a long period of time. Its so frustrating for everyone involved but please don't give up! I pray a lot and my faith in Jesus really helps! I know he loves me and cares about my feelings and I know he loves you too and cares about your feelings! It's not your fault, remember its a disease! And your right, lots of people just don't understand because they have no idea how this feels! Just don't give up ever!
    kbriann replied to jians's response:
    Thanks for that encouragement! You are so right! Jesus is our hope, our love, and our life. We weren't promised a life without trouble, however we were promised peace through the storm. Everyone hear is extremely strong because anyone dealing with depression day in and out develops endurance that is beyond words! Just don't give up and put your hope in Jesus Christ! Thanks for all your encouragement!
    kbriann replied to mlobbest's response:
    Please remember when we are at our weakest, our Lord will carry us! Some people think that if you are a christian, then this couldn't happen to you. We live in an imperfect world but our savior has already paid the price so we can overcome all adverstiy that comes our way with his help!
    paintedhaloes responded:
    I was the same way. I have since started treatment for PTSD and not just depression and it has helped. I am also finally coming to terms with a part of the abuse I endured that has haunted me forI years. Having a psychiatrist and therapist I see regularly gives me people who validate what is happening to me and remind me that healing is possible (though it has taken an enormous time). There are many things I want to do that I can't do, but I'm not just getting by, I'm healing.
    kbriann replied to paintedhaloes's response:
    May God bless you always!
    paintedhaloes replied to mlobbest's response:
    You don't sound like you really want to die or you wouldn't have ended your post with " I just want to feel happy". When those suicidal feeling come around, I try to stay busy for 15-20 minutes and the catastrophic thinking usually passes and I can actually look at the immediate problem and deal. I know my suicidal feelings come from a few of the many events from my childhood and until I deal with all of them, the suicidal feelings won't pass.
    Research shows that suicidal feelings are fleeting, especially if the person is distracted for 15-20 minutes; yet the effects of successfully committing suicide are permanent. I look forward to finding the end of my suffering with some life left to live. My therapist calls it Post Traumatic Growth. Just the name gives me hope.
    paintedhaloes replied to mlobbest's response:
    Don't wait to look for another place. Find some affordable choices and you will see that it's not the end of the world. Does your landlord have other properties? Check with friends, relatives, churches for moving help. Find out how much lead time you'll get if he does lose the house; or just give notice and move and end the waiting. Good luck.
    Spring65 responded:
    Hi Blue,

    I know exactly how you feel. I have those same feelings and most of the time am unmotivated to do anything and nothing gives me pleasure. I am under a psychiatrist's care and am on meds. There is just no magic pill for me...I wish there was. I pray also but feel that God has let me down and this is what triggered my depression. It's just a struggle from day to day but I really don't want to die. I feel that one day I will just snap out of it....but I realize this is unlikely.

    I am fortunate to be working 5 days a week but this was not the case just 3 years ago......I would lay in bed and not want to get up to even go to the bathroom. I'm just living day to day......that's all I can do right now....just keep hanging on to life. Thanks.


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