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    Existentail Depression...
    An_258155 posted:
    I've found this cite recently... I looked up 'incurable' depression. Then I saw an old discussion for ''Existential Depression,'' and it led me to this cite. It was an old discussion that was started about three years ago. I want to know if there's any one out there currently... I have been struggling for years and know this will be something I'll have to carry around all or my mortal life. I have tried so many things, and have educated myself pretty well on depression and similar mental illnesses. I have studied the chemical and scientific side, to the Buddhist beliefs that depression in-fact evil-spirits. I have been on the highest dosage of over 15 different anti-depressants. The next step we're talking about is a mood-stabilizer. I have also been to a treatment center for short rime before realizing that there was no way that place could help me. I don't think anyone can help people as far gone as me. I feel distant from others and am highly un-sociable. I rarely leave my house. Even those that I am suppose to love can no longer seem to reach me.. They talk to me and hug me, but I feel distant still and almost.. disgusted when I'm around other people... I can't live this way forever.... I am still considered younger, but I feel like an old soul... One that has experienced everything this world has to offer me.. It's only boring, nothing seems to hold beauty.. I can't do this any longer..... Please help me... If anyone feels the way I do, or can relate, I really need to hear it....
    riversw responded:
    I do! I know exactly how you feel. I've tried nearly every drug out there, done "mindfulness and meditation" classes, drank a lot, reached out to every friend and family member I have - you name it.

    I think it's a great idea to try a mood stabilizer - it works in a different way that could be very helpful. I just started Lamictal a few weeks ago. I'm working up to a 200 mg/day dose, but I do think I'm already feeling a little more stable. It SUCKS but you just have to keep trying new meds until you find what works. I've been working on it for... yikes - 20 years now.

    I should have had help in childhood, but I come from a family that thought, eh - childhood sucks - buck it up. My first suicide attempt at 13 - just ignored. So, it's vital that we reach out to each other in most cases, I think. It's just so indescribable that you just need someone who's been there and already knows.

    How are things today? - or whenever you get back around to it!

    Much love
    wall_flowers replied to riversw's response:
    Thank you so much for replying. There is so much relief in knowing I'm not the only one. I will probably be trying a mood stabilizer soon. I don't really expect this anti-depressant to work, as none of them have. The only medication that brought even the smallest bit of relief to me is effexor, which I'm currently on the highest dosage of.

    I am sorry to hear about your childhood. It's so sad to see that go on, knowing it'll effect the child in the long-run... Fortunatley, I am still on the younger side and am recieving a lot of care.

    As for how I have been currently doing.. I feel like another downfall is about.... I can sense it, feel it. I don't know how to reach out for support anymore, because it seems m family is sick of dealing with my illness. I mean honestly, I went to my dad for help and mentioned how was feeling a couple times through the night, and all he said was, "Well, I don't know what to do," he seemed really angry, so I left. But I know is I have a downfall, I'll be made the bad-guy for not reaching out.. I'm just sort of stuck.

    Thank you so much, I wish you well, and will be happy to hear back when you get a chance.
    riversw replied to wall_flowers's response:
    Yup - gotta love the family support, huh?! I think that most people get frustrated because they feel like they're supposed to DO something to help us and they just don't get it that we don't always expect that. I mean, geez, we know better than anyone that there's not a lot to be done. It's patience and persistence we need - we just need them to BE there, listen and sympathize as much as they're able. I doubt your dad was angry at you - he's likely angry that he feels helpless. And we know what that's like, no?

    It sucks that another downfall is coming, but it's awesome that you KNOW it! That shows you know yourself, you're recognizing the cycle and you're preparing. All that, alone, is tremendous. Think about how long people spend in denial or ignorance or some combination of the two.

    I know what you mean about sensing it, too - it's like smelling the rain coming on a sunny day. You don't see it yet, but you know it's on the way. But, if you know that at least you're not going to be caught in a storm without an umbrella, you know?
    hangingon67 replied to riversw's response:
    Hi, I am also on lamictal, started on my 2 a day. So far I am still so down and have had depression since 1983 and have had a lot of meds for it. They work for awhile and then my bottom falls out. Do you think this will work, I am so desparete for something to make me feel alive again. I have never been so hopeless.
    hangingon67 replied to riversw's response:
    Please tell me that the lamical worked. I am on 50mg. and it hasn't helped one bit yet. Please answer me, I am so hope less. depressed60
    hangingon67 replied to riversw's response:
    I can't find one reason to be happy, I go through the motions because nobody seems to understand or know what to do. I have always been the strong one.
    riversw replied to hangingon67's response:
    I'm sorry I didn't answer sooner! I haven't looked at this site in a long time.

    I got up to 200/day and I do think it works for me. My cousin has also recently started it and she thinks it's helping. Granted - we have some similar DNA to make it more likely that what helps me might help her too!

    I'm so sorry that you were feeling so badly and I hope you feel somewhat better now. If you were starting on a lower dose, hopefully it's kicking in by now or you've moved up on the dosage a little bit.

    I'm sorry, again, that I didn't see this sooner! Let me know and much love.

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