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    Bi-Polar, PTSD, DPD
    AShaffer73 posted:
    I have suffered from depression since early childhood. When I was 17 I was diagnosed as Bi-Polar and put on Prozac, this worked for a while then didn't. I have been on several other SSRI's since then and they either dont work or make me worse. To complicate things I have PTSD due to severe childhood abuse. After my first child was born I was diagnosed as "Multiple Personality Disorder", in the process freaking the counseler out. As it is now I have daily migraines, Parkinson's like seizures and severe insomnia (maybe 2-3 hours of sleep per night). The meds I have been placed on for the insomnia and depression are not working (Trazodone and Clonazepam). I am a single mother with 3 children and am at wits end. I am NOT suicidal though.
    kindnesshelps responded:
    Oh wow, what a heavy burden you carry. You deserve credit for having survived this long. I was a single parent of only 1 child and that was hard enough. I don't know if you have written here before but it is a good place to find folks who understand and can lend their encouragement and support to you.

    I can relate specifically to the PTSD and depression, migraines and insomnia having endured molestation and other abuses as a child and a rape as an adult. The flashbacks and feeling out of my own body and unconnected to 'me' are such weird and frequently devastating experiences. It's like standing on the sidelines, watching me in my own nightmare only I am awake.

    After years of a lot of really hard work in a number of courses of counselling, and trial and error with meds I have finally shed most of the blatant PTSD symptoms. I can still feel dissociated at times, still have night terrors, but they are mostly gone. When the depression is bad I go back to feeling like I am living with ghosts, I feel downright haunted, but when it lifts they fade away.

    You don't say if you are in therapy now, but if not I encourage you to get back into it, even if you had a bad experience before. I know you know this, but you can't carry your burdens alone and the ways you learned in childhood to survive don't work now.

    You don't say if you are seeing a psychiatrist now either, but if you are being treated by your family doctor or internist, I encourage you to see a shrink. If you are Bi-Polar I am surprised at the meds you are currently on.

    As for the insomnia, one of the antidepressants I'm on is mirtazapine, generic for Remeron. One of it's side effects is drowsiness, and at it's max dose it nearly knocks me out so I take it at night. I can get to sleep and mostly stay asleep for at least 6 hours. If I miss a dose I don't sleep for squat.

    You have me support and encouragement, and I hope you come back here to talk about what's happening with you.
    AShaffer73 replied to kindnesshelps's response:
    Thank You. Unfortunately I think I have a reverse drug metabolism. If I'm sleepy and take my meds I'm wired an hour later.

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