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    I feel death is my only answer
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    miserable_sob posted:
    [TRIGGER] Nothing ever changes for me, no breaks or anything. It's just one miserable day after another for me. So what if things could always be worse. I don't want to hear that. Mainly because that's one of the many things I fear to begin with, especially since life hasn't gone in the right direction for me. Last week I was dehydrated, it was so painful I had no choice but to check into the emergency room since I was so miserable. I only wish it would have killed me at the same time too. Although, from what I went through, that's a miserable way to go. There has to be a better way to end it all.
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    All_is_One responded:
    There are two forces that drive us at each moment: love and fear.

    When one allows fear to begin running his or her life, depression is a very common end result from Fear.

    Fear certainly isn't the only factor, but I believe its a major one. I can't begin to know the circumstances that brought you to this point in your life, but know that this is exactly where you need to be. Only in this present moment can you begin to cast off the garments of fear and replace them with love.

    A lot of 'cleaning house' involves not only forgiving anybody (including yourself) for things that have happened in your past, but also to accept those people (yourself included) for who they are. Even if someone has done something as horrible as rape, its only beneficial to the abused if they can forgive AND accept the attacker for all of who they are, even if the person is extremely negative in nature.

    Forgiveness is for you alone, not the other person/people.

    Again, I don't even know if there are people in your life who have severely wronged you or not. I'm just trying to give advice and hopefully some positive vibes.

    Much love to you!
     
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    miserable_sob replied to All_is_One's response:
    [TRIGGER] That's really not going to help me. I can't make any progress. I'm too handicapped and have too many problems. All I can think about is death to solve my problems.
     
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    Chris_WebMD_Staff replied to miserable_sob's response:
    I know you are feeling bad right now, and suicide or hurting yourself is never the answer. The depression takes over and creates thoughts like this.

    You need to find help and reach out. Someone you can work with that understands you. You deserve to keep looking for help.
    WebMD has a Crisis Assistance link to the left, for more helpful resources for you.
    I get the feeling you don't want to hear it, but you really are worth it. All is One couldn't have said it nicer!
     
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    miserable_sob replied to Chris_WebMD_Staff's response:
    Talking to a stranger on the phone who really doesn't care for me isn't what I consider an answer. Talk is cheap, and in this case a waste of time. My thoughts of killing myself just grow stronger everyday. I see no reason now to abort them now either.
     
    avatar
    chez1 replied to miserable_sob's response:
    You know SOB, you are giving the impression that you don't want help and that you are past help, well let me tell you that you are not.

    Fine you don't want to speak to a stranger, what do you want to do? What is it that makes you so handicapped or so full of problems that stops you from making progress?

    No one is past help or not able to be helped, you just have to have a little trust and faith in the people that you are asking, like the people on this forum. I have read alot of your responses to others problems and although sometimes you sound very pessimistic, you have equally given good advice.

    So please let others help you

    Take care and consider what you are thinking

    x
     
    avatar
    miserable_sob replied to chez1's response:
    I am past help. My life has gone nowhere since my head injury over 25 years ago. I'm stuck alone, nobody wants me, can't hold a job, can't find a job. I have other med problems too. Psychiatrists and Psychologists have done me no good. I don't see any answers now
     
    avatar
    chez1 replied to miserable_sob's response:
    No one is past help. After your brain injury you must have re-learned to live and function everyday, please please try and use the energy you had for re-learning now to keep yourself safe.
    I am sure everyone wants to see you well, but you are the one that is in control of your decisions, you are able to rationalise here and I am sure you can do at home too, you need to want to help yourself to allow others to help you.
     
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    miserable_sob replied to chez1's response:
    I've tried to learn and can't. I'm a failure. That's why I have given up and plan to die.
     
    avatar
    chez1 replied to miserable_sob's response:
    I am sorry, I have nothing else to say that can help you. I hope you find the strength to fight on and seek help to keep you safe.
    You are in my thoughts
    x
     
    avatar
    miserable_sob replied to chez1's response:
    All I know is if I had the right weapon, I'd be dead right now.
     
    avatar
    katsumigrace replied to miserable_sob's response:
    tooo be honest you look like you just dont wanna be helped life is not that bad for you to try to end your life
    life is a gift and your just willing to trow it all away for something that might not be worth it
    i think im depressed and i have gad momment where i have wanted to kill myself but i dont do it becuase it is not worth it imagine the pain it will cause
     
    avatar
    An_203593 replied to miserable_sob's response:
    SOB,

    I know exactly how you feel. My entire life I have had little self-esteem and self-confidence. For the life of me I don't know how my wife married me 36 years ago but I felt different back then. I was 20. But back in the spring of 1993 I woke up one morning and I had the worst anxiety attack ever. That day changed my life forever because that was the year I started on anti-depression and anti-anxiety meds. I really don't know what happened that morning but it has made my life miserable now for 17 years. I've been on Xanax since 1993 and have been on several anti-depression meds and none of them have worked. If I had a magic pill I would have taken it years ago to end it all. I'm too much of a coward to use a weapon. I really don't know what to do. I am sick and tired of psychiatrists and therapy has never helped. Six years ago I tried to take an overdose of Xanax but it didn't work. Should have taken alchohol with it. I ended up in a psychiatric hospital for four days. I never want to visit that place again. My biggest problem is my looks and smarts. I have always been self-conscious about my looks. I wish I had a photo to send you. I look at all the people out in the world and don't know why God made me the way I am. It just isn't fair. You are not the only person out there wishing they could do away with themselves. All I know is you better do it right the first time. I wish you a good recovery of it comes.
     
    avatar
    miserable_sob replied to An_203593's response:
    I have so much more to worry about than just looks alone. I understand even though I get 9 plus ratings on Hot or Not, women don't like short guys, so I can be depressed about that my whole life.....My head injury is what really started my whole bad life though. Before that happened, my life was entirely different. It worked a lot better than it is now. I try and I try and can't get anywhere in my life. At least you have a wife, I'll never have that or anybody who really cares for me. That's all the more reason why I'm intent on killing myself. I've come so close to death more times than I can think of already in my life, I just wonder why I can't ever get lucky with it or anything else for that matter.
     
    avatar
    All_is_One replied to miserable_sob's response:
    You'll continue in this depression as long as you continue associating with words and emotions like "failure, death, worthless, handicapped, etc".

    Depression is a vibration of energy, or rather, lack of energy. Its the black hole of vibrations in a way. Everytime you continue bolstering this negative energy with more and more negativity, it'll only continue growing until either you face it and change it, or it consumes you, and you end your chemical vehicle's viability for life.

    Death isn't an escape into nothingness. You will simply continue on into another life after a point of healing, possibly going through some of the same issues, just in a different way (and much less stressful way at that).

    This vibration of life is all about learning to realize that the moment contains love. period. Sometimes it gets very difficult to do this. Believe me, I know. Just try to see that there is hope. There are people out there ready and willing to help you. You have to be willing to help yourself first, however. Whatever choice you make, do it for you, not others. Even a choice like suicide should be because you decide, not because of others. You are a free and sovereign being.

    You are loved more than you can imagine.

    Namaste


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