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    soulkeepers posted:
    Went to group and really didn't have that much to share.Mostly just sat there and listened to others.After I had a session with Dr.F cause I needed a one on one to get things off my chest.Felt like my heart was doing back-flips cause what I wanted to say was difficult.Basically I sick of all the back-paddling.I couldn't contain things no more and they were going to come somehow and I just wanted it to be in a control,safe place.Boy did I had things all wrong in this situation and F was so far from the truth as anyone could get.

    That's when It dawned on me that he wasn't listening to me closely.I wasn't anger or anything before I walked in his office,just need help making sense of things.He seemed not to be there and was just making notes of something unknown to me at the moment.So when I got through talking there was a pause and then he asked if I was done.I said yes.

    Then he stated that I was going to be place on a twenty-four hour hold.I was thrown into a state of confusion cause I couldn't understand how I got from talking about abuse to being put in a padded room.I knew it wasn't right but I went without any fuss cause I put in my that I wouldn't be seeing him again.When I spoke to him today his reason for doing it was from the way I looked seem to him like a dark and rumbling cloud was building up within me.He was way off the charts with his assumptions.At that point all my trust went out the window and I asked him,Is this what you're being paid $110 dollars an hour for?

    I see that it's part of why there's unseen wounds and unhealed scars.People are not being listened to like they need to be and that's why so many turn to other things.If no one is listening or responding to me then why not do other things.That just makes things that more harder or I feel that much more alone.The pain I'm feeling,I'm dealing with it myself.I don't wanna feel like I'm forcing myself on anyone or be a bother for that matter.Part of why I keep so much in cause I'm not being told the naked truth which is NO ONE CARE AND I DON'T MATTER.I would prefer that if that's the case then come out and say it,don't have me chasing ghosts by pretending to care.

    That just woke me up and I deserve it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    This is going to be the longest weekend of my life.
    nativeco responded:
    I am so sorry for your experience. That could be a real setback in trust for anyone. The truth is-many doctors and therapists are NOT good, or not good for YOU. You might read reviews on-line before selecting one or get a referral from someone you do trust. Hooking up with an unhealthy person can be very damaging to your healing. Just because they have some schooling doesn't mean they know what they are doing. Don't give up for your own sake. Alcohol, drugs, hurting yourself in anyway-is not your friend. Just because someone else doesn't give you what you deserve-don't let them 'make' you worse. You are worth being listened to, helped, and cared for. You DO matter! or you wouldn't be here, on this earth. Hang in there!
    Elizabeth_WebMD_Staff responded:
    Hi Soulkeepers -

    Oh no, I am so sorry I did not see your post until now and so sorry you experienced this!

    Please check in and let us know how you are doing. Posted a response a bit earlier to you here .

    soulkeepers replied to Elizabeth_WebMD_Staff's response:


    For the reassuring replies.Since I posted this been in the numbing state,haven't talk or seen anyone.When the numbest wear off that's when feelings,emotions,anxiety and everything will come roaring back.

    That's going to be my biggest challenge and I'm not sure how to deal with it all.So while there is no emotions attached to my feelings I will try to put together a coping plan.It can't hurt to add a bit of your coping skills.

    Don't know what may happen cause once this storm hit it's going to be hell.I have no doubt that I will need help,just don't exactly what it is I need from people just yet.

    Again thanks for caring,supporting and advising.

    soulkeepers replied to soulkeepers's response:


    Things are starting to roar back today.The deep angry seed is spurting out.Roaming with hate and shaking with rage but not much I can do about that right now.

    The storm is brewing and don't know what kind of damage it will do until it passes.

    I'm just staying out of others way for the time being.
    soulkeepers replied to chez1's response:

    Thanks but I don't wanna talk too angry.

    I need to stay out of others way here as well.

    Again thanks
    lukeperry replied to soulkeepers's response:
    Hi Chez!

    I hope that I can at least give you some hope! I have met every therapist on earth.(not really, but it sure seems that way) I had money, so that didn't matter. Still, I met all of the WORST ONE'S, from California, to Fla.

    The good news is I found one, and so will you! That horrible man who sent you to the hospital, without saying a word to you, is unforgivable, and probably unforgettable. If my doctor felt that way, he would have told me first.

    My point is this, your going to have to keep changing doctors, until you find one who is mentally well. Most doctors in this profession or sicker then any of there patients.(sad, buy true) That's why they went into that profession in the first place.

    I am very sorry to tell you this, but it's going to take time(time we don't have, while sick) to find a decent doctor. Your best bet is from mouth to mouth. Go to some seminar for the mentally ill, or someplace where mental doctors meet. I know how hard this all sounds! Don't worry, I've been there. It turned out, that the only one who really cared to save me, was me!

    I really don't know what to tell you, except for you to never stop having faith! Don't listen to other people who tell you how lucky you are, and how you should be ashamed, with all your luck. They don't have the 1st clue, to what your going through.

    Everybody is different, and the people who tell you that, are probably stupid. Only stupid people would say such a thing. I will pray for you, for you to find a sane doctor, and for your speedy recovery! (If your anything like me, it won't be speedy! Only due to not being able to find a decent doctor. God bless you!

    lukeperry replied to lukeperry's response:

    What a great name! Obviously you and I have a few things in common. I feel like I'm the soul-keeper, but we aren't. Your just overwhelmed right now. And you need to save your own at this time. When you get stronger, then you can worry about the others in your family. I'm guessing that your the 1st. and any and everything that goes wrong is your fault. I could be wrong, I just read this.

    The reason I"m writing you right back, is because I forgot to say something.

    Your the only one who can make you well. Physiologist are great for helping us get through it, but the bottom line is us. You see the Phy. until you can handle things on your own. Then you do it. Your the one who did it. Good luck again!

    soulkeepers replied to lukeperry's response:

    Thanks for replying but you lost me.

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