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    How to cope with a depressed spouse - help?
    momofgirls posted:
    I'm looking for any advice... I've been living with a depressed husband for the past 14 months. We suffered two miscarraiges, and the second one sent him into a tailspin. Our whole world has turned upside down. He won't admit that he is depressed, but exhibits all the symptoms. He has been to a therapist, a grief counselor, and a psychologist. Nothing has helped. He refuses to try medication. And the worst part, his entire family is in complete denial and will not encourage him to get help. I am a Stay at Home mom to two little girls... and I feel stuck. If I file for divorce, I lose out on time with my girls... which seems so unfair. And if I stay, it is like living in misery. He has sucked the life out of our home and he is always angry. He does not want to file, nor does he want to commit to a marriage. We've essentially been separated for 14 months, living under the same roof. Its torture. I've asked him to move out, but he won't go. Any advice?
    Jeune1 responded:
    Hi, sorry you're going through this. I'm sure the miscarriages were just as hard for you but some people just aren't as resilient. While you can't make him seek treatment that doesn't chance the fact that living with someone who has a long-lasting illness is very stressful.

    What I recommend (and always recommend in these instances) is if his condition is causing you problems, you should consider counseling to deal with how you are feeling. The same way you would if he had any other illness. You should take your children or send them separately if they're old enough. Perhaps in time he'll want to go with you and even go on his own. But if he doesn't, you all will know how to handle it better.

    Take care and keep checking back.
    chez1 responded:
    I think Jeune has given great advice, seek support for yourself to help you cope with all that is going on in your life.
    As a spouse who is depressed, I also have to say, your husband has to start taking some responsibility for your family, relationship and home. Being depressed can be all encompassing, but as parents and spouses we have pull out all the stops to help reduce the impact our ill-health has on others.
    I have to say this is just my opinion but know that even when I am at my lowest and things seem incredibly bleak, I have to think of my family and how to limit the impact of how I am feeling on them.
    I hope you are able to reach out and get some support for yourself
    Take care
    People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily....... Zig Ziglar
    SJJ22 responded:
    Hey, I know exactly what you are going through! I am married for 31 years to the same man and the last 3 years have been so devastating. I was married very young at 18, our kids are now all in there 20's and my husband is going through major depression. This is supposed to be our time now that the kids are older and he is going through this! It all started when he was messing with prescription medication 3 years ago nothing has been the same. I don't know what to do either I am only 48 years old with lots of life left in me and we are so opposite now. I know what you mean about living in misery and sucking the life out of you. He is also always miserable and moody and very tired with no motivation. Any advice from anyone going through the same thing will help!!!!
    itmatsb replied to SJJ22's response:
    You need to assess whether it is worth it to stay living in misery with a man who does not get help. I would leave him if it was me, but you have to make your own decision. It is your life. I think counseling would also be helpful for you.
    itmatsb responded:
    I too think that counseling would be very helpful for you. It may be worth it to have a happy home part of the time with your girls instead of them having a miserable home environment all of the time. You are also reacting to your husband which is affecting your children. Since you are a stay at home Mom, how is your husband going to care for your children if he has to work? You may get full custody of your children.
    itmatsb replied to itmatsb's response:
    After being severely depressed for years myself, I have a very dim view of those who are wrecking their families because they won't seek any help--won't take any responsibility for themselves. I tried everything to help my depression at a time well before any of the new anti-depressants came on the market.

    Unless you push the boundaries, your spouses are not likely to want to seek help at all since they haven't so far.

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