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    Really struggling right now....
    tryingtohideit posted:
    Ok I went to the doctor a few days ago because I have had the flu and been sick for 2 weeks. We did a chest x-ray for concern of phneumonia. I had confirmed phneumonia but they also found that I have an enlarged heart. This is really worrying me and I know that it is worrying my family. Im so afraid that if I read up about this that its gunna cause a trigger for my depression. I just really need some help to be strong not only for me but also for my family. I know this is a bad thing but I dont know how bad. Any help or encouraging words would be very appreciated. Im scared....
    tryingtohideit responded:
    I am trying to hide my worry and concern from everyone and pretend everything is ok. But I think they are going to see through it. I just dont know what to do or think right now.
    Survivor2007 replied to tryingtohideit's response:
    It can be very hard to try to deal with something and not reach out to others for support. I did the same thing when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was sure my life was over, and that if I made it through surgery and treatment that I would be a shell of my former self. I desperately wanted to last thought going in to surgery was to please not wake up.
    Do not be afraid to share your fears with those who love you. When I finallly shared what was going on with me, the outpouring of support was incredible. Although I remained in an emotional fog....the support helped to move me through each step of my treatment. At times I resented it.....felt that I was dealing with expectations of others....but even that, in the long run, helped me to face things that I could not have faced without the push and expectations.
    Researching your condition is a responsible and appropriate thing to do. It is your body, and you need to know as much as you can about your situation. The important thing it to realize that most of what you read and research probably does not apply to you. But being well educated can allow you to ask your doctor/cardiologist more detailed questions and allow you to understand more in depth answers. If you have a family member who can go through your research with you and help you to create a list of questions to ask your doctor when you see him/her, it will be very valuable. And, take someone with you to your appointments, so that you have another set of ears to hear what the doc says. I was in such a fog that I would not have remembered one thing that my surgeon said.
    In the long run.....I had a bilateral mastectomy, reconstruction, and did not have to have chemotherapy or radiation. I am now a 5yr survivor. There is hope.....Blessed Be my dear.....
    tryingtohideit replied to Survivor2007's response:
    WOW! That is amazing! Congrats! I have talked to some people that I work with and consider to be great friends with.When I talked to her about all this and how scared and things I was and how much this was upsetting me and causing my depression to creep back up we talked. She told me I would never have to go through this alone. Though I do still feel alone and scared it is nice to have opened up to her. I still havent talked to my mom much about it I dont want to cause her anymore to be scared or worried about me. I dont even know the first step I should take right now. Between the depression and the other medical issues I am lost in the abyss here lol. I know that I need to first find some sort of insurance. But other than that I dont know. Do you have any advice?
    Survivor2007 replied to tryingtohideit's response:
    I don't know what state you are in, but check into the state insurance program. Sometimes you make too much money to qualify, but there may be alternate programs you can be eligible for. Just do what you have to do....go to the doctor, or out payment arrangements if you have to. I know that I would be in a world of hurt if I did not have medical insurance.
    I am so happy that you have talked with someone about this. I would not be afraid to talk with your Mom. My mother had breast cancer 2 years before I did...and I really wanted to shield her from what I was dealing with. In the end, she was with me every step of the way....every appointment, every test. When we talked about it, she reminded me that I was her child, and that she could put aside her own concerns and issues to be there for me and support me. Yes, she had a lot of fears and worries, but she kept them to herself to keep her focus on me. I am also a mom....and I know that I would want to be there for my daughter should anything like this come along in her life. She is my child.....there is no stronger bond, no matter what her age.
    Follow up with your doc as soon as possible. It doesn't sound like you have a life threatening issue, but definately something that you need answers about. And keep talking to your friend....and tell your Mom.....and tell more friends. Being a martyr to your fears is not the answer....all you will do is suffer alone. Each person you reach out to will allow more light to shine for you....more support, more clarity. Some will stand by you, some will brush you off. You will find that there are those who will care and support you that you never expected, and also that some that you would expect support from to run the other direction. It's okay....keep moving forward.
    Keep posting......sharing the fear lessens it's power.
    Blessed Be
    tryingtohideit replied to Survivor2007's response:
    I live in Oklahoma. We have soonercare here but I dont qualify for it anymore because I am 19 now. I am gunna try to get insurance from work. If its not too expensive. Im starting to not be as afraid now that I have talked to my friend. And I have been starting to do more around the house which helps also. Im gunna talk to my mom maybe tomorrow if i get a chance to get over there lol. Thank you for sharing your story. Its very inspirational.

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