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    Supporting a loved one through depression
    An_250102 posted:
    I've never posted on a online community before but here it goes!

    I am in a relationship with a fantastic man and I have been now for 14 months. We have a very healthy relationship, we do everything together and our love for each other is very strong.

    My boyfriend suffers from depresison. Every once in a while (occurs about once a month) he forgets to take his meds, which he usually takes right before he goes to sleep. Even if he misses one day he is a completely different person for about 2 days then back to his old self. His moods/ the things he says usually when he is around me is I'm worthless, you shouldn't be with someone like me, stop loving me, I need to be away from you for awhile, just leave me already. He doesn't want to be touched and sometimes he's out of my house in a matter of 5 min going back to his place to hide away from everything. At times I have been able to just sit down and talk with him and calm him down but this hasn't worked all the time. I say things like " i know this isn't you, you missed your meds and your not yourself." I try to tell him how great he is and there is nothing wrong with you and I love you very much.

    I just want to know what is the right things to do / say when someones depression has kicked in. I know I have been told to not take it personally, but as someone who is loving and caring person its easier said then done. I try to take care of myself in these situations but it hurts so incredibly much. My fear is his depression will take over and cut me out of his life and I know that's not what he wants.

    Any advice to help with wording to use with someone who's depressed and how to take care of yourself would be so much appreciated.
    GSimp responded:

    Let me first start off by saying you are an amazing person for trying to seek help for yourself to continue to help your boyfriend.

    I am currently battling depression and my boyfriend has dealt with many mood swings. I am easily angered or annoyed, my mood is completely night & day in the blink of an eye. So I understand how his mood can affect you.

    One of my greatest fears is that my boyfriend will give up on me. I don't want you to feel like you must be there. Not every one is capable of being strong for two people. It is definitely hard. Some things that I would suggest would be to talk to him when he's in a good mood and thinking rationally. Some things that you can ask him would be what he would want you to do in situations where he is not so pleasant. That way you are giving him what he asks....some ideas would be talking him through it (like you do now), staying calm if he's upset, maybe watching a movie, giving him some space, or any other calming/relaxing techniques that you all have established.
    Of course if things ever get abusive or violent, never stay. And if you feel like he may harm himself, dial 911. Good luck to you and your boyfriend, once again you're doing a great thing.

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