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    I m so horrible about my life right now
    avatar
    ellachen posted:
    Actually I m manager of the bar, and everybody think I m a nice bartender, but I don`t feel happy to talk to people anymore, I feel I stuggle by this job and this mess life. sometime I hate myself too much, my family doesn`t understand me, they just want me find get marry soon that they think I can reach a good life. Now I m also trying to cheer up my ex-bf. He is very depression, but he aways cheer me up that why I don`t want lose him and trying to help him, I love him, I can see a lot of common between us. But right now I m so confuse if I really need to help him? because I also have depression!! I feel really bad, I m crying every moring when I wake up. I just want to lying my bed, cry, and feel useless. But I want to fix my life, please help me.
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    avatar
    cbtnbb responded:
    It's hard and harmful to yourself to try to be a good listener for others when you are suffering yourself. I think people like us who suffer from depression are often very compassionate and loving, always wanting to assist others, feeling frustrated if we can't. We take on the pain of others and of the world because we have sensitive spirits. But it drains us. It's hard for us to seek help. If we find a friend or lover who tries to support us, often we drain them because we rely on them alone. We become codependent. I don't know the answer. Right now I am in the midst of a depression that keeps me detached from others and in bed most of the day. Ihave many responsibilities and challenges at this moment in time. I am searching for ways to help myself. We are intelligent and kind, and we often know what would help (good nutrition, the company of many others, vitamins, exercise, sometimes medication, usually counseling, yoga, spiritual growth, creative pursuits, meditation, journaling, sunshine, fresh air, plenty of water...), BUT there is something that weighs us down, holds us back, makes us feel like the struggle and effort are too great. We have a heavy, wet, blanket of gray feelings that keep us from taking a positive step. I think we are brave. We carry on in this world day after day. We toy with seductive thoughts of the release that might be found in eternal sleep. But for me, taking my own life would damage the lives of loved ones, and keep me forever separated from my Maker. That's not an option. Maybe this online support group will help. I keep searching amidst the hours of sleeping, and maybe I will find enough encouragement to get up, take a shower, and tackle one small task, do one small positive thing for myself, and nurture myself. I know my faith in a higher power allows me to appreciate the good things in my life, the beautiful little things, and so I will strive to grow in gratitude, focus my thoughts on something good, and battle the negative ideas that have become constant. I will keep praying for supernatural intervention, the kind I can't understand, but I believe is there, ready to help me if I stay faithful and expectant. Ready to give me the energy and drive I need to make good choices. Ready to tell me lovingly "Get up", and I will get up.


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