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    Lost 70 lbs, now feeling depressed...
    An_201715 posted:
    So I have a wedding coming up. 17 weeks ago I tipped the scales at 280 lbs, and now I am at 210. I have 14 more weeks until the wedding, hoping to be at my goal weight of 180 by then. I was starting to feel happy again...

    Last night on the phone, my fiance' said that she liked me better when I had fun and ate whatever I wanted. It was a huge slap in the face. She said she loved me no matter what I looked like, and wished I wasn't so strict on my diet. I explained that heart disease runs in my family, I want to live a long life with her, and I want to be in the best shape of my life for the honey moon, because I want her to enjoy me, not endure me.

    Ladies especially, what gives? I am trying so hard to look great for her like she deserves, and then she says that she will love me no matter what and basically told me that she liked me less because of my diet. Would you not appreciate the hard work of your boyfriend or fiance' or husband for doing this for you?
    gporter54 responded:
    I'm not sure why I clicked anonymous, but this is my
    KittyKatJenn responded:
    Wow. Well, let me start by your fiance overweight? If so she may be feeling a bit jealous of the new you. Also, she could be feeling a bit insecure about the status of your relationship. A lot of times people make the changes and then they go on to other things.

    That being said, she is not being very supportive. I would love for my husband to do what you are doing! I love him no matter what...I fell in love with him, not his weight. But I want him to live a long healthy life. It sounds like she is having an issue. I suggest sitting down with her and talking to her about person.
    justmejust responded:
    "Would you not appreciate the hard work of your boyfriend or fiance' or husband for doing this for you?"
    I might be wrong, but I think you need to do this for you, not your fiance or anyone else. It's easier for me to say than for you to do, however! But we must do it! And, what matters is you doing what you want and think is best for your health no matter what. Only you can be the best person you can be and only you know what is truly best for you.
    Family members and loved ones give us the most trouble when we change alot. It's natural because they don't want to change when we change. But it is not a healthy response for them or us. The best thing to do is expect it, understand it, but keep on the healthy path. Good luck, and congratulations on your new healthy weight!
    Laura GW 145 / CW 215 / SW 225 Getting healthy is about progress, not perfection. Baby steps to to healthy lifestyle change. Remember the Gold is not in the prize it's in the Journey
    gporter54 replied to KittyKatJenn's response:
    She is not overweight at all, she is the most gorgeous girl in the entire world. She tells me also that she fell in love with me and not my weight. And I am doing this for myself as well as her. I needed to get healthy so I could live a longer life. My dad had a heart attack at 36, and I was not about to go down that road. I have gained confidence that I so badly needed. Her words and not her intent with them is what hurt the most.
    nursingbug replied to gporter54's response:
    Does she realize how she hurt you with what she said? Maybe she didn't mean it like you took it... she may be just worried about you- like 'omg he is so stressing about his weight with this wedding, and he has changed so much' maybe wedding planning has been getting to her and she is saying things she wouldn't normally say.
    anyway, enough excuses for her- I would really level with her and make sure she understands how what she said affected you, get to the heart of her concerns, and explain more how this is important to not only your future, but to hers. It is not uncommon for a SO to say things like this when people are begining to change, whether it be jelousy, fear of what it means for them (he won't eat whatever with me anymore) or whatever.
    If that doesn't work, and hopefully it will, you may want to see a pre- marital councellor- because this is the kind of conflict that is common in all marriages- and the earlier you learn how to talk about it and work through it, the happier you both will be.
    you are doing a great job!
    gporter54 replied to nursingbug's response:
    I talked to her. As I assumed, I took her way out of context. She is stressed with student teaching and wedding planning and really didn't mean it the way it sounded. She said she would enjoy it if I took a cheat meal everynow and then to "enjoy" eating again. I know that her heart was in the right place. When we met, I would dominate steak and ribs and buffets and wings like they were nothing. Now I get by on tuna, fruit, etc. She said she cares more about my happiness than anything, and that she will always love me regardless of how I look because she fell in love with who I am inside, not what I look like.
    Jis4Judy replied to gporter54's response:
    Now thats a nice girl I think you have a keeper there! She may have sensed some unhappiness while you were in the proccess of removeing the weight ..
    My Hubby was the same way he loved me fat and thin
    there is some sort of togetherness we used to have munching away on sweets for a while Now we relate a little differently .. with out the junkfood props..
    in summer he does ask me to join him for icecream a few times a summer and we do just not near as often as we did that at home ... we go out for the ice cream ..
    Hugs Judy:)
    SW 247 CW 153ish maintaining Remember the Gold is not in the prize it's in the Journey life isn;t allways what we expected but while we are here we may as well dance
    blondie454u replied to gporter54's response:
    Glad you guys got it worked out. Cingrats on the new you!
    Amber CW 139 maintaining, SW 250. Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of a mental illness.
    KittyKatJenn replied to gporter54's response:
    I'm glad you talked to her about it. And maybe you should take a day to "enjoy" eating out with her. One day won't kill your diet.

    You can learn from this experience! Always talk things is much better than thinking one thing when something else was meant by a comment. Communication is the key to a healthy and happy marriage! Congrats!
    jean4u replied to gporter54's response:
    Got to say this is a topic that always comes up on the Diet Boards.

    Different eating/support or lack of support for the person wanting to change their habits.

    My DH and I have totally different styles. When we first got together, I ate like he did and started to pack on the pounds.

    Now, I eat healthy and he eats unhealthy. Do I torture him with veggies and take away his sugar pop. He's 66 and I'm 65. NO WAY!

    I come here for support. And we eat out often so we can order the foods we want. I also get veggies and fruits for me.

    Also, I don't let people dictate what I eat.....say the cookie-pushers.....take just one. LOL I worked too hard to eat food I don't want just to "please" them.

    You will have to find your way on this. Is this about food OR about control?

    nursingbug replied to gporter54's response:
    I am so glad it worked out!

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