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    self loathing
    An_262356 posted:
    The most difficult emotion I live with around food and my behavior with it is self loathing. It seems to be cumulative. Getting unbearable.
    atti_editor responded:
    Negative and self-critical thoughts are very common when you have an eating disorder, so first of all, know that you are not alone. These articles (Feeling Better About Yourself and Stopping Negative Thoughts ) list some simple techniques that you can use when the feelings of self-loathing you describe begin to set in. Also, I think that you may find this article about changing guilty feeling into good ones helpful. Although it specifies binge eating disorder, the information and tips provided can most certainly be applied to any eating disorder.

    Are you currently a member of a support group or working with a health professional to better understand your thoughts and feelings? I hope that you are doing well.
    An_262356 replied to atti_editor's response:
    Thank you for responding. No, I am no in a support group but I think I should be. I know there is OA but it seems like a pseudo AA. I have been in AA for almost 29 years. This problem with food is something I am only recently becoming aware of due to the feelings of self loathing.
    atti_editor replied to An_262356's response:
    I think that it is good that you are acknowledging and becoming aware of your relationship with food, and that it's totally okay if you aren't ready to join a support group or talk to someone who specializes in eating disorders just yet. There are some things that you can begin to do to help you start recovering right now that this article outlines -- it also outlines some essential parts of recovery that you might be able to incorporate into your everyday life.
    missyfit responded:
    I feel the same thing as I am sure do other binge eaters. It does get unbearable and just fuels the fire and the cycle goes on and on until the cycle is broken by US.

    Find out what is really bothering you in your life. Is it really the food? Or is it a relationship, your body image, your job or lack of something? Find what it is and ask yourself if it can be changed. If it can't be changed, ask yourself if there is another way to cope with it.
    gringa69 replied to An_262356's response:
    I'm new to this but if you need more info about OA I can help with that
    heymickey responded:
    I have been in another 12 step program for almost 30 years.
    I have felt that OA might be using the same literature ?
    pennyth responded:
    Good morning, No ice cream last night. it's a start. I like the idea of accepting myself, not loving myself. It is a matter of this is where I am, I can choose where I want to go. I am giving myself credit, for not binging last night. I can do it again tonight. I have gone to OA before, but felt I could not manage to attend both AA and OA at the same time. ON my best days I flip alcohol for food and spending money I don't have for alcohol in my mind at AA meetings. I am going to get back to working on feeling my feelings all the way through. Trying to play a binge all the way through in my mind, thinking about how I will feel later if I binge, and distracting myself with something else. Think I will start knitting Christmas present, so I am not finishing something on Christmas Eve. Hope everyone has a great day minute by minute.
    An_262356 replied to pennyth's response:
    Iv'e been in AA for almost 29 years and feel the same way about OA. Also just started Alanon which to my surprise is very helpful with this topic of self loathing.
    Iv'e been very careful for a month and at the Dr.s office yesterday---THE SCALE WEIGH IN!! I weighed 4 pounds more than a month ago! The self hatred alarm went off and has not stopped.
    pennyth replied to An_262356's response:
    honest with myselfI too am not seeing the results I want. When I was losing weight I wrote down exactly what I ate. Am eating better but not tracking. I immediately thought about this phrase: Who care to be rigorously honest. A handful of raisins count even if it is healthy. In OA and/or AA I learned to write a food plan in the morning and stick to it, deal with feelings, keep busy, stay out of the kitchen (even though I love to cook). I also had an accountability sponsor and e-mail her my food plan every morning. OK, have a food plan for today. All food is prepped (less likely to binge in the morning). Have plan to keep busy for day. Will go to gym, if it rains and I can't work outside today. Goal for today, be honest with myself, track, weigh and measure, no matter what.I will concentrate on what I can change and that is and I can use what we know about staying sober and living life on life's terms to take control, deal with core issues and reach out goals, no matter how long it takes. Your post was very helpful to me.
    heymickey replied to pennyth's response:
    what is an "accountability sponsor?"
    atti_editor replied to pennyth's response:
    I absolutely love the idea of having a food plan that maps out all of my meals for the day, and I have definitely found that having the food already prepped lessens my tendency to reach for more convenient (but certainly less healthy and non-proportioned) foods. I also like the idea of not only planning your day but having backups for if your original plans aren't possible for one reason or another. Thank you so much for sharing this with us!
    ohno121 replied to pennyth's response:
    Your post is very inspiring I'm going to try and follow your suggestions. I find when I binge my brain goes into shut down and I loose control until it's to late and I've consumed way to much. Have you experienced this? If you have what did you do??

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