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    A morning filled w| tears;
    painmemoirs posted:
    & Feeling sorry for myself. This is starting to become the norm for me, unfortunately. I'm a caregiver by nature, oldest sibling & always try to be a good friend &|or mate. Always wanna lend a helping ear or hand if I can but now in my 24th yr of life, I feel helpless. It started in my pre-teens when I was experiencing severe back pains that I was told was normal, A few yrs later in my early h.s years, I was diagnosed w| scoliosis & a herniated disc which was all accompanied by insomnia. As a h.s athlete & just becoming comfortable in owning who I am & coming out as a lesbian at a very young age it was difficult to accept. Furthermore, it made me wonder if I was being punished for the way I was born. After a rough patch & rebelling I was kicked off my step-dads health insurance once I turned 18. I kinda went off on my own, trying to re-build my pieces to life but soon after started really getting randomly ill.Severely ill & no DR's seemed to have a clue what was wrong. Fast forward a few yrs later. I'd been doing overnight stocking to make ends meat for over half a yr before my injuries started to worsen. By the beginning of this yr getting up out of my bed every night was becoming a challenge, I was noticing how much my body hurt, how my moods were so off, not to mention I've lost about 60 lbs in the past 2 yrs or so. Finally, my neurosurgeon suggested I see a rheumatologist because he felt my back wasnt the only issue & the action of surgery should only be taken once I figure out what else is wrong w| me. He was the first DR. I've ever trusted at that moment. I had already done much research so after being confirmed w| fibromyalgia, I am now at home for about the third month w| absolutely no income, very little support or what even seems to be understanding from family & friends. I hate to feel like I'm complaining so when asked how I feel I usually say okay but only because when I say otherwise I always get told "you look great" or "its all in your head, do this, etc.." Today, I woke up feeling every symptom you can imagine & as I read these boards w| support, I didnt feel so alone. I have so many years ahead of me, I just want to be somewhat comfortable & happy. This cant be life.
    sharonpramos responded:
    my dear friend I know what its like this unforgiving pain and people think your crazy and just trying to get attention makes me so mad cause they have no clue what we go through on a daily basis! my name is Sharon im 55 I have several health issues but by far to me the worse is this Fibro pain!
    irisheyes4e responded:
    You dear dear person. I feel so much like you. It is very hard for me as well. The chronic pain Legs ,feet (plantar fasciitis) spinal stenosis and arthritis in my back- well all over but the center back is the worse. I get so depressed and praying for the correct answers and the right Drs. I moved to fl. to be close to my oldest daughter(43 in 2009) and she hung herself. I am suffering w/anxiety and panic attacks. I was at the point where I thought she had the right answer and wasn't hurting anymore-BUT I just can't seem to find it in me. I really just want to find an end to the pain. Thru the yrs. I've tried soooo many anti-depressants and the long road of side effects and the on/off road to weaning off to just try another. I have to take my health in my own hands in the way that I have to do the research and weigh the good and bad sides of the drugs. I really don't want to take any. Right now I'm trying to wean myself (not w/a Dr) off of Xanax,ambien and Vicodin. It's not easy. I've tried meds for fibro and they give me such bad side effects. I had such a hard life that while I may think everybody has their limits someone will say I am strong to still be here. The hardest fight outside the pain is loneliness. kids grew and left, not close in association nor family (sis/bros) they've gone on with their lives and brushed me off. My husband has been off work since dec. for a minor surgery that one wk later went thru 2 major surgeries starting Christmas day and almost lost leg. Because he expected to be off work for 8wks. he took vacation pay and the company won't give him disability cuz he can't have both. They said he had the choice in Dec between the vacation pay or short term disability. HE DIDN'T EXPECT TO NEED MAJOR SURGERY TO SAVE HIS LEG ONE WEEK LATER. He had 2 aneurisms behind both knees andthat started the snowball. His boss might not let him go back to work. We haven't been able to pay house payments since dec and may lose our house and car. Oh my gosh I am so sorry to dump all this out on you. I started to say something nice for YOU and it just all came out. Please forgive me. I needed someone. Why in the heck can't we find someone to help with the fibromyalgia????? We all suffer from so much already. Please stay strong. I DO KNOW I have to learn to focus on the good in my life and not the bad. If it're not alone. I will try to be there for you.
    godbey1965 responded:
    I know exactly how you feel. Nobody understands unless you have it. There's know way to rightfully describe the depression, pain, numbness, insomnia chronic fatigue. Tonight I am terrible. I've taken pain meds, muscle relaxers, cymbolta and still have know relief. My mom says all the time," get out and go do something". She hasn't a clue what effort it takes and the misery i will suffer when I get home. I've had physical therapy for months and no helpful results. Fybromyalgia is a evil, painful, and ungiving disease. I've heard also that the meds it take is gonna make me worse and don't get addicted. Well I'm here to tell you that I would try just about anything to get ride of the pain. Sorry for the rant I just wanted you to know that you have a fellow lesbian that knows how you feel. Connie
    godbey1965 replied to irisheyes4e's response:
    I just did the same thing. This is the place to vent because everyone's going to understand and not tell you your crazy. (((Hugs)))
    painmemoirs replied to irisheyes4e's response:
    I am so happy to see your guys reply. I absolutely feel all of your pain, I've been left alone in ways I can't imagine since posting that two yrs ago. I moved to NY to be w| my fianc? & she quickly saw how bad it could be so she decide to focus on herself. I ended up homeless on te streets of NY & the only people who cared were my best friend & her mom in Hartford, CT. You still have your husband. & you absolutely have me when I can make my way on here. It's my goal to raise fibromyalgia awareness. This disability case is still pending but I am still fighting. We are all still fighting. Don't give up, my friends.
    painmemoirs replied to godbey1965's response:
    You sound so similar to me. It's why I had to seperate myself from my family. It adds so much pain not being believed or understood. I've felt very alone the past yr. I thought someone would really stay & after seeing the reality, she too disappeared. Luckily both my parents have prepared me for constant let downs & abandonment. Tears overflow whenever I communicate w| you all cus I know no one will ever understand or feel what we do. Some days I don't even know how but I pray we all remain strong.
    godbey1965 replied to painmemoirs's response:
    I'm thinking of starting some meetings for support. I've got a lot of gay friends with the same problems. I live in Louisville ky and we have a great meeting group of lesbians. I'm on fb also if you'd like to friend me. Its Connie Godbey.
    elmgrovekat replied to godbey1965's response:
    We have a wonderful fibro support group in Louisville. We're on Here's a link to our next meeting:
    I will be there.
    mama1984 responded:
    I feel you . It's hard talking to family when you get the grieve of you just need to get up and you'll be fine blah blah. They don't know because they aren't going through it. It's horrible and wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Stay strong and come here there are great people who are going through same thing and talking to them helps. I came on about 6months ago I didn't know where else to turn . And as far as emotional support they help so much . And to have someone who knows what your talking about is amazing it won't take pain away but will help so you don't feel so alone. I am home for awhile now with my three kids it's just my husbands income which isn't enough but I just couldn't hack work anymore I would come home unable to move and cry all the time. Now I still cry allot and have pain but I don't feel like I want to die every day now. Stay strong and vent on here anytime someone will respond and they are wonderful. Try and keep talking to people on here maby even get someone's email and chat that way. I've thought about it that way you have a close friend that understands you
    godbey1965 replied to elmgrovekat's response:
    I will look this up and if a feel like it I will be at the meetup. Thanks for the info Kat.
    godbey1965 replied to painmemoirs's response:
    Everything I read on here is like I'm writing it myself. Are you in the Louisville area. I'm really thinking about going to a meetup here.

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