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    My Mom
    needstounderstand posted:
    Hi im new to this but my mother has fibro and i don't know how to be there for her she is always hurting and never comfrontable and i just want to help. Any suggestions would be nice thank you
    JoodeeBee responded:
    I will only let my daughter touch me. She has such a tender touch and listens to my responses. She uses a lot of oils and lotions, warm or cold compresses.

    Just talk quietly and softly and be patient! Hot soothing teas for the 2am pain walk around the house.

    It is wonderful you ask! Love works wonders.

    Offer to drive her places and when she says she needs to go home go. At first she'll be afraid because of the pain but we isolate ourselves.
    Dollbug responded:
    Hello and welcome....MiMi in NC....I think it is really nice of you to want to be there to help your mother.....please suggest to her to join this unique FM support I am sure that she would benefit from this....we have some good info under "Tips" and "Resources" that you can find to the right of this page....

    It would be good if you helped around the house with whatever needs to be done......your mother needs to learn how to pace, pace and pace....with everything that she does...also using heating pads is is taking hot showers with lavender bath salts before that she can relax her body...a lot of us have problems getting enough sleep...and good quality sleep is so important for us...

    I would also encourage you to ask your mother if the doctor has checked her Vitamin D level...which is so important for a lot of is a simple blood test but she MUST ASK the doctor to do the test...low Vitamin D can cause some of us additional pain....

    Living with FM is a challenge and finding what helps us cope better with this ugly and mean illness is hard takes a trial and error process since we are all different...and what helps one may or may not help another...

    I hope this helps you....again...I think it is really nice of you to want to help did not say how old you are....but I hope that you will continue to be your mom's support....FM is a hard illness for most people to understand....there are days when I do not even understand it...and I have had it for over 5 years now...

    Take care and be sure and tell your mother about this FM support group...and that we would like for her to join us...

    IN GOD WE TRUST....MAY GOD BLESS AND GUIDE AMERICA.... My personal exchanges are Vitamin D and Pain and Wrath of the Dragon....if you care to visit..
    needstounderstand replied to Dollbug's response:
    thank you i didnt have any idea about the vit d and im 19. she says that she wants to join a group but hasn't ben able to find one i guess she has now. she never gets any sleep during the night but shes all day is that normal? she has fibro for atleast a yr but i don't think shes firguired much of what helps and what doesn't
    needstounderstand replied to JoodeeBee's response:
    she never lets anyone else drive lol but i do try. she does like to go for two am walks i try to get up and go but sometimes its hard but our dog pumpkin goes with her tea does help thank you for replying it really does heelp
    angelldakota responded:
    Hi Hun... It takes a wonderful daughter to have such concern... I have been blessed with 2 son's and a daughter that lived with a sick mom all their lives pretty much... They were 3 months old... 2 years old... and 5 years old.... when I first got sick... I was doctoring at the Mayo Clinic...

    I think my children learned young the most valuable thing that helped me was their acceptance of me and my limitations... I couldn't so a lot of picking up after them... I couldn't go places with them... until they got me a wheelchair... etc...

    We could build snowmen in the house by bringing in snow in a baby bathtub... we could have picnics in bed instead of going to parks... We made do with what we had...

    You can find special things to do with your mom just as my son's still do with me... watching movies with me,.. even tearjerkers lol... My son's cry easily lol... etc...

    But the most wonderful support they can give me is their acceptance of who I am today and what my illnesses do to me... And their love... Unconditional love... they take care of me now...

    My youngest son is 32 raising his 2 children on his own... except he says he isn't alone for I help him so much even tho I am sick... And my oldest son is 33 this coming yr and helps take care of me too...

    They have a lot of pain too... For they have been in pain with bad backs and necks for years... Some days we are all a bunch of sickies lol... Then we have fun taking turns being on the critical list lol... And the race is on for the pain killers lol...

    Hun... Just be you... If you came here today you truly love your mother and can securely help her... And this is a wonderful group... Come back anytime and have her come and check us out,,, you don't have to join to read...

    Your mother has a lot to be proud of with you as her daughter... bless you and bless her with the help she needs to live with this illness...

    take care... Love... Jan
    An_199644 responded:
    Hi Needstounderstand!

    You are already there for your Mother! You are concerned, you are seeking advice, and you support her!

    This is a very sensitive subject for me. My daughter, at the age of 19, was extremely helpful and supportive. I never had to ask her to do anything, she just saw what needed to be done and jumped right in.

    She would vacuum (under furniture!), do the dishes, clean the bathroom (shower!), change bedding, do the laundry, grocery shopping, shampoo carpets, and wash windows. What an Angel!

    Eventhough my daughter understands FMS and supports me totally, she has, for some reason, stopped helping me with my household chores and shopping. This has been very emotionally painful for me!

    I am not one to ask for help, but I have indicated to my daughter my plans to shampoo carpets, paint a wall (not a room!), or wash windows to see if she would volunteer her help. She never did!!! This hurts so much, she is my only source of help.

    So the best advice that I can give you is to never, ever stop helping your mother. If you for some reason cannot find the time to help, then try to arrange for someone else to assist you!

    While you give your mom a massage (please do many!), talk about all the things in her life that she should be thankful for. This will help a lot with keeping a positive, strong attitude.

    Supplements that I have found very helpful are:
    Colostrum 1,000 mg 2xDaily (Muscle pain,
    Magnesium 150 mg 2xDaily weakness,and
    with Malic Acid 600 mg 2xDaily stiffness)
    CoQ10 150 mg 1xDaily
    Vit. E 400 IU's 1xDaily (Antioxidant)
    Omega 3 (fish oil)
    Melatonin 3 mg 1xNightly (Sleep aid)

    Medications that have worked best for me:
    Lyrica 75 mg 3xDaily (Nerve pain)
    Salsalate (NSAID) 1,000 mg 3xDaily (Inflammation)
    Hydrocodone 7.5-500 4xDaily (Opioid)
    Flexeril 10 mg 2xDaily (Muscle Relax.)
    Ambien 10 mg 1xNightly (Sleep Aid)
    Wellbutrin 300 mg 1xDaily (Antidepressant)

    Sorry that this has gotten so long. I hope that it helps you somewhat. Does your mother take supplements and/or medications?

    I hope that your mother is able to reduce her level of pain soon. Stay strong and don't forget to take care of yourself!
    needstounderstand replied to An_199644's response:
    she takes a medication called savella and then other pain pills like exalgo. she only takes vitimains no supplements but she does have low iron. I'm sorry your daughter hasn't been helping to much i've been trying to help but with college and work it's hard i'm trying to get my younger sister to start helping more and thats helping both me and my mom out. but she never sleeps so she always is awake when no ones there to help
    needstounderstand replied to angelldakota's response:
    i always hope shes proud of me your childern sound exetrlmely supportive and great and you r lucky to have ppl like this in your life. my sister has lyme to so i completely understand the al sick days cause i have a bad shoulder that i will probably be getting surgery on the days we all pile in the bed and watch movies are the best
    1wareaglefan responded:
    Dear "Angel".....I've renamed you, because you've obviously just got to be one! Your mother is already so blessed to have someone in her life who's so concerned and wanting to learn and understand her illness.

    I think most of us on here wish for someone like you in our lives. I personally don't have anyone like you. My family tries to understand, but I don't have anybody who is actively trying to help me or to learn about my illness.

    I think all the responses have given you some great tips. Just have your mom come here and join us. Knowledge is the best help.

    God bless you, Dear One! Elizabeth

    Helpful Tips

    Welcome to Our FMily! My name is MeMe, I'm an FM suffer of 19 years, along with autoimmune diseases & other conditions. ... More
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