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    Worried about HIV
    An_244636 posted:

    I've had around 10-15 encounters with call girls over the period of around the last 20 months. Every encounter envolved sexual intercourse with a condom, which started off with oral sex either with or without a condom. I suspect that at least a few of these individuals were addicted to drugs. My last encounter was December of last year. All of a sudden I've become worried that I may have exposed myself to HIV. I'm trying to stay away from reading about the symptoms, as my mind will convince me that I have the symptoms. I just want to know: what are the chances of a male contracting HIV from a female either through protected vaginal intercourse, or through unprotected oral sex.

    Thanks for your time!
    georgiagail responded:
    1. Protected vaginal intercourse (assuming the condom is used accurately and did not break or tear) - Zero. The virus (assuming your partners were HIV positive) cannot cross an intact latex barrier.

    2. Oral sex - Estimated risk of unprotected oral sex with a partner KNOWN to carry the virus - .5 to 1 per 10,000 exposures. Your risk would be less since you cannot confirm whether these partners were actually infected.

    An_244636 replied to georgiagail's response:
    Thank you. That really puts my mind at ease. I also had a question about giving oral sex. I believe that I performed oral sex on 4 of the encounters. What are the chances of contracting HIV from a woman in this manner?
    An_244636 replied to georgiagail's response:
    I forgot to mention that my performing the oral sex on the women last occurred about 12-15 months ago.
    georgiagail replied to An_244636's response:
    The estimated risks from unprotected oral sex are listed above..... .5 to 1 per 10,000 exposures with a partner known to carry the virus.

    Whatshappeninghere replied to georgiagail's response:
    Thanks again. Last question. Based on the information that I've provided, in your opinion, would you say that there is a remote possibility of me being infected?
    georgiagail replied to Whatshappeninghere's response:

    An_244636 replied to georgiagail's response:
    Thanks again. I'm sorry to keep rehashing things, but I just want to be clear. When you say "nope", are you saying that I should be in the clear, or do you mean that I should stop having sex with my wife and get tested ASAP?
    Nieciedo replied to An_244636's response:
    Your question was "Is there a remote possibility of me being infected?'

    That's what Gail was answering with "Nope."

    Obviously, you're worried about this, and I think answer is clear that you feel guilty about having sex with sex workers outside your marriage.

    Does your wife know about this? Is this part of an agreement that you have? Because the foundation of a healthy relationship is honesty and trust. Many couples find that strict monogamy doesn't work for them as it does for many others, and so they discuss their wants and needs and negotiate a set of guidelines that allows them to pursue their needs and desires honestly and aboveboard.

    It doesn't sound like you and your wife have done this, hence you're feeling guilty - and because you feel guilty, you're afraid of getting a scary disease as a punishment and you're even more afraid of passing this scary disease onto your wife. This is the scariest because 1) It would be obvious proof that you had cheated and 2) you would have harmed your wife in the process. So, you're nervous and scared and freaking out despite not actually being at any real risk in the first place.

    My advice would be to stop hiring sex workers and consider hiring a therapist or counselor instead to explore why you are doing this and what isn't working with your relationship. If necessary, couples counseling with your wife may be in order.

    Do not go and confess to your wife out of the blue. She may have suspicions, but more likely she doesn't know and this would hurt her more than if you kept it a secret. If you can resolve to stop hiring sex workers, then you can take this as a lesson and move on. If you cannot stop, or you don't want to, then counseling (individual first) would be in order.

    An_244636 replied to Nieciedo's response:
    Thanks Dan. You hit the nail on the head. Both you and Gail were very helpful. Thank you both for your time.

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