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    no1phillygirl posted:
    Hi ladies, I haven't been online all week. It has been a rough one. We were so cautiously optimistic on Monday when our low beta(74) more than doubled(364). I always have cramps but they started to get slightly worse and I started spotting(only in the morning a little bit). I was worried and didn't want to wait until Fri for the 3rd beta so I went on Thurs. Well they called and said it went down to 275. I went back again this morning for 4th beta and it is now 101. I am so completely devastated and angry!!!!! :'( I just can't understand why this is happening to me. Yes I am having another one of my self pity parties. I really don't envision myself being preggo and having a baby. We have spent so much money for absolutely nothing(over $60,000). We have 2 frosties but I am so worried that they won't survive the thaw. We have an appt on Thur May 26 for a 5th beta to make sure continuuing to go down and to also meet with RE for the WTF appt.

    I have heard so many stories of women doing DE and it failing and sure enough I was one of them. I have nothing left in me but yes I will continue on. We figure we can probably do 1 more DE cycle after FET and then that will probably be it. I don't want to get into a $100000 for nothing.

    My husband doesn't want me talking to ANYONE about any of this and this includes posting on this board to get support from you guys. These last 2 wks I have been posting without him knowing. Most likely I will continue to do that but it is hard to post when he is home which is another reason I haven't posted all week. It's hard to sneak around. UGH! Now I will have no support at all and he just doesn't understand. He thinks we are jinxing ourselves(in the jewish religion you don't tell that you are preggo for 3mths) but I tried to explain to him that this is different with all of the grief and trauma that I have experienced I need some support from women who have gone through it. He doesn't understand! . WHATEVER!!!

    I hope that you guys are all doing well. It looks like there were some successful ER in the last couple of days. Jessica I hope that this doesn't discourage you. You may be one of the lucky ones!!!

    I will still be around to support you ladies and will update on me when I can. Hugs to you all!!!
    Marla 41 DH 31 10/08 BFP m/c 11/08
    6/09 RE (stage 2 endo)
    ivf1 9/09 BFP m/c 11/09
    ivf2 2/10 BFP cvs 13wks trisomy(d&e)
    ivf3 8/10 BFN and ivf4 10/10 BFN
    ivf5 5/11 DE BFP  M/C 5 wks
    mamacrabb responded:
    Oh Marla! I am so so so sorry. You are such a strong and courageous woman. I would not have the strength to continue on. I will continue to pray for you and will be here to listen/support you when you do get a chance to post. Lots of hugs!
    Alicia (27) DH (27) Endometriosis and tubal factor -------- DD 5/2003 DS, M/C 2/2006 DD 11/2006 -------- IVF 1 5/2011 (shared egg donor program)
    jlm76 responded:
    Oh, no! Marla, I am so sorry to hear this news. I've been thinking of you and hoping that no news was good news. This is just heartbreaking. You've been through so much; I was really hopeful that this was the cycle for you.

    Of course you need to talk to people who understand -- I think my head would explode if I didn't have one good friend I confide in and of course the lovely ladies here. I don't think that anyone else can truly understand.

    I can appreciate not wanting to "jinx" yourself -- I have to admit that I have a hard time being hopeful and optimistic "just in case," but you need support too. Definitely pop on when you can.

    When you can't, just remember that we are all still here cheering you on!


    Jen (39), DH (36), plus one spoiled black lab (8). MC 6/10; IUI 1/11 - BFN; IVF converted to IUI 3/11-BFN; IUI 3 - 5/11.
    AprilCB responded:
    Oh Marla! I am so sorry your DH doesn't understand that you need this board for support. I'm so happy to hear you'll try a few more times. I know how frustrating this process has been for you. Of course his superstitions are wrong, otherwise none of us would ever move on to have healthy babies, which of course many have. Hang in there, I know in my heart this will eventually work for you. Always here for you. (((Marla)))
    Don't give up hope, it can work! Cherie TTC 5 years, 3IUIs, 2 fresh IVFs,1 FET, EDD 11/1/11.
    no1phillygirl responded:

    I understand where my husband is coming from. He is just grasping for something, anything to work. We think that if we change something that maybe it will work this time. He broke down a few times this week which breaks my heart. Guys deal with things differently than we do and I understand that. This is a different situation and if I don't have support from a couple of people and you girls then I'm going to explode and completely lose it. I'm so close to the edge!
    Marla 41 DH 31 10/08 BFP m/c 11/08 6/09 RE (stage 2 endo) ivf1 9/09 BFP m/c 11/09 ivf2 2/10 BFP cvs 13wks trisomy(d
    cacahead27 replied to no1phillygirl's response:
    I am so sorry, Marla. This truly breaks my heart.

    I don't know if I'm allowed to feel this way, but of all the TTCers I support, you are in my top five ladies that I'm wishing a BFP for the most. I do wish for everyone a BFP!!! but I want one for you in the worst way. I guess I should clarify that I wish for a H&H 9 months for you!

    You are so strong to be able to continue on with treatments. And you are blessed to have such a supportive husband. (even if he wants you to stop posting) He wants this for you guys so badly that he's suggesting anything that could make a difference.

    I wish you well.
    Sarah(27) DH(28): 2 failed IUIs; 1 failed IVF; BFP from an FET; b/g twins born at 35w6d
    leji1 responded:
    Marla, my heart dropped into my stomach when I read your post. I wish I could give you a hug. We're here anytime you need to talk...just know that.
    Ellie 32,DH 33 low morph,TTC 3yrs,9/09-12/09 3 Clomid/IUI BFN, 4/10 IVF/ICSI 1 Chemical,7/10 FET BFN,11/10 IVF/ICSI/AH 2 BFN, 3/11 cancelled FET,5/11 IVF/ICSI 3
    frankfortkate responded:

    Huge hug. I am beyond devastated for you. I am praying for you and for strength and wisdom through these terrible times.

    My DH used to be like yours. But I'm trying to convince him that the more people that know, the more that can send positive vibes and prayers our way. Maybe if you explained it that way, he'd understand.

    Try to post when you can. But postings or no postings, we are all thinking about you.

    Kate(31), DH (31), 2 furbabies (Buster and TC), TTC 2 1/2 years, endo,IVF1 7/10 BFN, IVF2 11/10 BFN. IVF3 cx. IVF4 BFN...again...IVF5 now; endo scoring first then stims start June 4th!
    booklvr04 replied to frankfortkate's response:
    I am so, so, sorry Marla. I am beyond words. All I know is that you are probably one of the strongest people I "know". Throughout devastation and tribulation, you always dig deeper, coming back stronger. I admire your courage, your determination, and your love. You are a very special person.

    crescent0513 responded:
    I am so sorry for your loss, I was hoping for a different reason that we had not seen you all week. Ugh. I understand your anger. Wishing you much peace in the days and weeks to come. Thinking of you and always wishing you the best! <3

    nordygirl33 responded:
    1st let me say I am so sorry that you and your husband are going through this. My younger sister had this happen to her (we are also Jewish) and she was so excited , so she told everyone. Unfortunately she did mc and after that said next time she won't tell anyone. She got pregnant 4 months later and yes told everyone. It is so hard to keep a secret like that especially when you have been going through everything.

    Your day will come and I know you hear this allot as I do also, but we all have to have some faith right? Keep your chin up and I wish you lots and lots of baby dust.

    also I got the same thing from husband that when I am pregnant we should wait 3 months to share the news, but I won't be able to do that.
    Izzy27 responded:
    I honestly don't know what to say. I am so heartbroken for you and your DH I could just burst into tears. As a lot of us has said, I am so impressed by your strength and courage- you are an amazing woman and will make a great mom one day. I hope that day comes soon for you.

    I'm keeping you in my prayers! Post when you can...
    Me 25 DH 34 TTC 2 yrs MFIF IVF Feb 2011 12 eggs 11 perfect embies 2 transferred 9 frozen BFN FET April 2011 2 transferred BFN...
    brookelovettc responded:
    I'm so sorry. I don't understand why it has to suck so much for some of us! Big hugs to you - sending good thoughts, for peace and healing.
    Me(29) DH(29) TTC since 2008. Started seeing RE May 2010 and IF testing. DH=mild MFIF. Me= DOR, endometriomas both ovaries. 3C w/Clomid=BFN. IVF/ICSI Feb 2011, BFP=chemical.
    FrenchBulldogMom responded:
    I'm so sorry to hear your news. I wish that your DH wouldn't object to you getting some support here or anywhere else. For me, part of the process is leaning on others and getting information and comfort from their stories.
    ssebby replied to FrenchBulldogMom's response:
    Marla, I am so sorry that this happened. You have already been through so much. I will keep you and DH in my prayers.

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