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    Grandparent visit - HELP!
    earleyml1012 posted:
    Ok, so I'm expecting in October and DD will be 3 in December. She has never spent the night away from us. This morning I get an email from my mom BEGGING to have DD for the entire weekend so that DH and I can have some alone time. Well with this being a holiday weekend, we were actually looking forward to spending the time with DD since we both work full time and she's in daycare. DH is uncomfortable with the email b/c my mom seems so desperate to have DD. When we have weekend visits she basically "kidnaps" DD and no one else gets to spend time with her and she treats her like a baby. She lets her whine, cry, and gives her whatever she wants. I posted a few weeks back about the awful dinner they gave her, so even meal time is an issue. I think we need to let them watch her overnight eventually but I kind of agree with DH that she's too needy in wanting DD to be with them. I know I need to talk to her about this but she's SUPER sensitive and I'm afraid of hurting her feelings. Any input ladies?!?
    ffwife23Kt responded:
    I can't say that I totally understand what you are going through but if my mom was acting the same way I would allow my son to go over but there would be conditions. Tell her that you are uncomfortable with the foods that they are feeding her and even if they aren't hungry doesn't mean they shouldn't feed her. (I read your post last week and couldn't believe that they didn't feel the need to feed her just because they weren't hungry) I would compromise and let her stay one night but not the whole weekend and set some ground rules. If she isn't willing to listen to you then she doesn't get to have your daughter over night. Good luck and let us know what happens!

    Side note: I am also expecting at the end of November and my mom was going to watch DS Friday night into Saturday afternoon so DH and I could have some one on one time but he feels the same way you guys do. He doesn't want to leave DS because he is a fire fighter he isn't home a lot and doesn't want to spend another night away from him. I see his point but I need some mommy/daddy time too before having a second little one. I guess we will see what happens but I am very fortunate that mom is really good with DS and does exactly what we want when caring for him. She follows our schedule exactly and she even comes over to our house so he can sleep in his own bed. He looks forward to spending time with her so we try to let her watch him a couple times a month and it works out really well for us because we have had several nights away in the last two years. We even took a trip to South Dakota for his best friends wedding and were gone 3 days with no problems.

    magsnemma responded:
    What about picking another weekend that isn't a holiday weekend? Start with one night and see how it goes? I also completely understand that since you guys work you don't get a lot of time with DD, but it's also important to have couple time too.

    Could you provide the meals for your DD and just bring them with you? I also printed out a list of DD's schedule and food preferences so my mom would be aware when she watched DD overnight. I also just sort of accepted that DD would get some spoiling (ie junk food, too much tv, etc) with my mom.

    It can be tricky to deal with parents, it's almost like a role reversal in some ways. I feel like I have to parent my parents when it comes to DD and family stuff.
    Ali (34) DH (34) DD (11/08) Emma (8 year-old lab)
    earleyml1012 replied to magsnemma's response:
    We did decide to offer another weekend this month when we actually have plans, so it would be helpful for someone else to watch her. I agree 100% about us time and we do that just not overnight yet. I'm paranoid about leaving her overnight and with being 7 months pregnant this isn't the best time for us to do an overnight trip...we haven't DTD in months due really bad crouch/round ligament pain.

    If my mom agrees on the weekend we suggested, I'm definitely talking to her about the meals. I don't mind desserts AFTER she ate a healthy's to be expect at grandparents but to not give her dinner b/c they didn't feel like eating is not acceptable.

    Ali you are so right with having to parent our parents. Do they forget what it was like being a parent?!?
    palvarad replied to earleyml1012's response:
    LOL Omg I think they do indeed forget what parenting was like when we were all younger!! My mother spoils my son rotten and while she will feed him properly there is so much snacking in between I can't begin to think about it!

    I agree with the other parents, start out with conditions. I think instead of a weekend you should try out one night first, that way it's not too much time and you're testing the waters. Make a list of foods your child should eat and, if you have to, mention how you spoke to her pedi and he/she mentioned that your child should be eating these foods to help brain development, growth, etc. I know its sort of lying, but if you don't want hurt her feelings but you need to lay down the law, maybe a little white lie won't hurt? With my mom, since my son has food allergies, I outlined everything he CANNOT eat and threw some extra things in there. She's given him soda (at 2! 2!!!!) and we've gotten into rows about it. I said that the dentist told me its ruining his teeth which horrified her, and hey, now he doesn't get soda.
    I'm also pregnant, and my parents love my child to pieces but sometimes their decisions to keep him happy aren't the best. I guess they figure since they don't see him often that they get to have liberties concerning their grandchildren.

    It is annoying though! Best of luck!

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