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    child masterbation
    An_222239 posted:
    My daughter has this problem of rocking on her chair for stimulation. I have taken her to the doctor and explained to them what she does, they performed a physical on her and she was healthy and normal. I was then sent home with a paper about child masterbation. I have met with the school regarding this because it is affecting her learning because she does it so much. Have you ever heard of this before? Is it normal? What could I do to redirect her? They have tried making her stand at school, letting her sit on a ball and things like that. Nothing is helping! What else can we do? Thanks for your Reply!
    An_222240 responded:
    If she's old enough to go to school she's old enough to understand that what she is doing is pleasant but that she should do it only in private (in the privacy of her own room, for instance). Talk to her. Explain to her. Remind her every time she does it to do it in her own room and not in front of other people.
    momuv4girls responded:
    I have a couple questions,

    Other than this issue, is your daughter on-track developmentally? Is this the only thing she does that is concerning?
    Can you think of any other behaviors that she does, like bite her nails, skin picking or ??

    The stimulation she is seeking is excessive, so that's why I'm asking if there are any other concerning behaviors.

    teacher2bee replied to momuv4girls's response:
    Yes, she is on track developmentally. She doesn't bite her nails or pick her skin or anything like that. I am wondering if a behavior chart would help or if it's beyond that. At this point anything is worth a try.
    fcl responded:
    Masturbation is pretty normal. Your daughter seems not to realize that it isn't socially acceptable to do it in class. Rather than "redirecting" her, have you talked to her about it? How old is she?
    Haylen_WebMD_Staff responded:
    Here's an article that addresses this exact issue. Click link below to read the entire post:

    Young kids touch themselves primarily for two reasons. The first is for pleasure. The second reason is for stress reduction and relaxation. Masturbation becomes goal-driven around age 10. What should you do if you find your child touching himself or herself? Keep in mind that reactions matter. When adults become angry or tell their children that masturbating is wrong, it creates a lot of tension for them, Swanson says. "You want to teach children that it's OK to explore their bodies."

    Anon - please check back in - I would be interested to know the age of your daughter and how you are currently approaching - is it helping?

    teacher2bee replied to Haylen_WebMD_Staff's response:
    My daughter is 7 years old in the second grade. We have had a parent teachers conference regarding this and also a few phone calls. I have talked to her repeatedly about this and how it is not appropriate for public but it is like she cant stop, if that makes sense. Her teacher would like to test her for ADD and thinks maybe this is one of her 'fidgets' that are keeping here off focus. We are just getting off of a spring break of a week and she has not did it during the break, that I have noticed. It seems to happen only at school.
    bothered01 replied to Haylen_WebMD_Staff's response:
    What do I do if I think my niece, who is 6, is enjoying my husbands lap a little too much? She will sit in his lap for long periods of time. Actually she doesnt sit.. she touches his hair/face, lays across his lap, kisses him on the cheek, moves his arms around acting silly like he's a puppet and constanly wiggles and squirms. I understand she's a loving child, but why mostly with men? She doesn't do any of this to women. She is very hyper, but most kids are. All the other males in the family (blood kin), scoot her out of their lap if she doesn't sit still. Needless to say, she always ends up back in my hubby's lap, because he is the only one that will let her. Not sure if he feels sorry for her because they do this, or if he is actually enjoying it? PLEASE give me some advice. I was sexually abused by my stepdad growing up so watching her do this really bothers me. I'm at my wits end here!!!
    ladyjay68 replied to bothered01's response:
    In my opinion, this is not a healthy behavior and I would suggest to your husband that he not allow her to do this. I also have been sexually abused as a young child and I wish someone was there for me to talk to and to direct me in the right direction. She will think that this behavior is ok if not corrected. Your husband should show her that it is inappropiate for little girls to sit on grown men laps and not to allow her to do so. She should not be allowed to lay across any man lap or squirm on them.No matter how innocent it may appear, we are still human.
    tothebeach4 replied to ladyjay68's response:
    Ok, lets slow this down. It is not inappropriate for a little girl to sit in her uncle's lap by any means. To tell her that she shouldn't feel comfortable showing affection to the men in her life is really sending a negative message. It's almost like you're projecting what happened to you as a child onto your niece. Children are squirmy... and at 6 years old I honestly doubt she's doing anything on purpose.

    To me, the real issue for ladyjay68, is the husband. If you honestly think he's getting some kind of sexual pleasure from letting your niece sit on his lap, that something you need to take up with him... not your niece.
    Haylen_WebMD_Staff replied to tothebeach4's response:
    FYI - this has been discussed in another post on this board:

    Have you spoken with your husband since the original post went up a week ago?

    Flemming85 replied to teacher2bee's response:
    You have described our daughter almost exactly. Ours started in her car seat when she was 2. We call it her buckle ride. At the time, we just allowed it because we were the only ones in the car with her. Now we have 2 other kids and she's doing it at the kitchen table and most troublesome, in kindergarten! With public schools and their boring "ditto" sheets they hand out to kids, she gets bored and the masterbation has become compulsive. It got do bas she would be the only one not finishing her work in class. She has no other issues except she does bite her nails and has temper tantrums every other day or so. We talked to her teacher who would politely ask her to stand or remind her it is to be done only in private. We constantly reminded her to only do it in private but she can't help herself. We had her in therapy and after ruling out abuse, the best the therapist came up with was having her wear a rubberband on her wrist so she could snap it when she thought about master-bating to remind herself not to do it in school. It didn't really work. Now we're worried about her starting 1st grade in a few weeks! Any updates or advice out there?
    ListeningMom replied to Flemming85's response:
    I had the same problem with my daughter. It started when she was two as she would rub against her car seat that buckled between her legs. This behavior continued and got worse. She would do it in front of everyone. We could distract her at home but as she got older and would go play at friends homes I worried about her behavior. Finally in 1st grade the behavior had to be taken care of. Her teacher was really upset about it. It was happening a lot in class and I didn't want her to get mad fun of by the other kids. She also wasn't getting her work done. We had tried distraction, we had tried telling her not to do it in front of other people, we tried rewards if she didn't do it, nothing worked. Finally we had to punish her and let her know how big of a problem it was. I felt terrible doing it because she would cry hard but it ended the behavior and now she can sit in class and doesn't have a problem with it at home, school, anywhere. She is a happy kid and it's amazing. She doesn't get embarrassed or feel ashamed talking about her body now as the years have gone on so I don't feel bad about scolding her for the behavior anymore.
    teacher2bee replied to ListeningMom's response:
    How did you discipline your daughter? We did not have any problems with it all summer! Fingers crossed that it does not start up in the school setting again. She is in the 3rd grade. I did take her to a psychiatrist at the end of the school year last year and they had ruled out ADHD or ADD and we were going to try a behavioral plan but there was only a week left of school. Please share the type of discipline that you used. Thanks.
    teacher2bee replied to Flemming85's response:
    I have just replied to the post under. At the end of the school year last year we were referred to a psychiatrist to see if it was ADD or ADHD but both were inconclusive. She did not have this behavior all summer. Hopefully the discussions we had worked. I am waiting to see how ListeningMom disciplined her child for ideas in case the behavior starts again.

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