Okay, so I am going to be 100% honest about EVERYTHING that is going on, other wise you can't help me with only partial information.
Our 7 year old son has become completely disrespectful, defiant, hateful and everything over the past year. I mean, it has turned into the part where sometimes we dread getting him up and ready for school in the morning because it is SUCH a fight just to get him ready for school. I mean he is constantly YELLING at us, calling us mean, telling us to just LEAVE, GET OUT, screaming at us ALL the time. I mean it literally takes us 15 - 20 minutes just to get him to brush his teeth. For example this morning, he immediately starts yelling at us when we tried to get him up...his mother told him to put on his clothes, he didn't put on his shirt and immediately started yelling at his mother that "SHE DIDN"T DO IT AND IT IS HER FAULT" that he didn't put his shirt on, when it was lying in the same spot it always was. Then I got up to help her get him ready and get his teeth brushed and he literally got right in my face and yells at me, telling me NO he isn't going to do it, he will do it when i get out, etc. I literally told him if he didn't do THIS then i was going to throw a toy away, i literally "Pretended" to throw 7 toys away this morning before he would EVER do what he was suppose to do.
This has been the way it has been for the past year or so. We are constantly getting calls from school saying he is misbehaving, running, cutting in line, talking out when he is not suppose to be, talking back to the teacher etc. However, they say he is one of the smartest kids in the entire 1st grade class and that his test scores, class work scores all prove that and they say that he is ABOVE where he should be academically, so he is an intelligent kid.
Also, the thing about him is, he has SUCH a good heart on him, I mean his mom is on dialysis every night and he offers to always take care of her, doesn't it like it when me or her fight, he will stick up for either of us, he will get us anything we need if we are sick, tries to take care of us when we are sick. Also, he has been raised that any time he sees a veteran he goes up and shakes their hand and thanks them for their service, so we know he has a good heart and we know he KNOWS what is right. He has really good manners, but the moment you tell him NO or he doesn't get his way, he literally FLIPS out.
Also, something else to note is it is possible that me and his mother have spoiled him pretty bad as far as constantly buying him everything he really ever wanted, etc.
Something to note is that he doesn't act this way toward his Grandparents....and we have asked him why he doesn't do that, and he says it is because of the stories we told him about how we used to get Spankings all the time with belts, switches, etc. So he says he won't act up around them because of that.
So, I have tried to do my share of spanking him (with my hand, never an object), and it doesn't seem to really help, I have tried taking everything away, making him earn it back, grounding, etc...Nothing.
We don't want to "Medicate" him as we believe medicating him takes away everything about him that is our loving son and makes him walk around like a zombie and that is not what we want either. We just want our good hearted son back that we know is there.