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Last Reply:

Picking a child up

Smilingcrafter posted:

I am a grandmother of two boys, I adore. A 3 year old, and a 1 yr. old. My son in-law picks up the 3 year old up many different ways. Sometimes by the arm, others by his feet, and what scares me the worst is he puts one hand on each side of his head on the ears and raises the child about 2 or 3 foot. It scares me he is going to hurt my grandson. He gets upset if I or anyone else interferes with his parenting. Can someone please explain to me how picking a child up, in this way would hurt them, or if it would? I need some good information that I can approach him to help him understand the injury he could cause. Thanks,

teeny79 responded:

I can tell you from experience(it wasn't me that did it but a cousin) that picking a child up by the arm only can pop their arm and shoulder joints out of place and that is painful. It doesn't stop hurting the child until they are painfully popped back into place. My daughter was picked up by both arms and got one of her arms popped out in both the elbow and shoulder. She couldn't even use that arm until it was popped back into place.

As for picking a child up by his head......that is really scary! I wonder if that could cause harm to his head, neck or spine. To me it seems as though he needs to grow up a little and stop using his boys as dolls. I seriously doubt he would find it as funny if he seriously injured one of his children by picking them up this way but by then it would be to late.

What does your daughter think of all of this? Does she stand by and allow it or does she even know? You might try to involve her and have her make him stop.

Smilingcrafter responded:

Yes, my daughter knows most of the times. He plays mind games with her. Everything is her fault. I can't believe she lets him treat her and the kids the way his does. I feel so frustrated, like there is nothing I can do. But, if I am told by a professional health care person that these picking up actions can hurt the kids, I will speak up to let him know the damage he can cause. If that does not help then I will get help, but I will not have him or anyone else hurting my grandsons.

Amanda1981 responded:

Is he doing it in a way that he is trying to intentionally cause harm? Or is it more in a playful manner? I will not condone him picking up a child by their arms because as the previous poster stated it can pop shoulder/elbows out of place.

As for the other things my dh has done a lot of ruff housing with our kids, my step-daughter and our 6 year old don't enjoy it but, my son and our 19 month old love to be tossed around, my 19 month old laughs her butt off when my husband tosses her in the air and catches her, does it scare me? heck yes but, she enjoys it and I trust my husband. When my son was smaller he used to pick him up like you described (the head thing) once again my son enjoyed it and asked him to do it, I have no clue why they enjoy the ruff and tumble play and I know my husband won't behave that way towards the other girls because they don't care for it.

I guess my point is that if the kids enjoy it, there really isn't much you can say or do. If he is doing it in a ruff manner and not playful, then yes I would say something but, if not I would just bite my tongue.

JLinsky responded:

I am absolutely certain that it is dangerous to pick a child up by their head . But I'm not an expert . I think you could call any pediatrician's office and speak to a nurse to confirm this.

Good luck,

Smilingcrafter responded:

I have searched the Internet high and low and can not find any info. on this. I need something written, by a health care provider to show my son in-law I am not just over protective, that he really could cause injury to his boys.

ryanandleigh responded:

I did a quick look too and couldn't find anything medical about picking children up by the head. I found a couple people who said don't do it but they have no medical degree. For picking up by the arm or leg, you can show them these..... www.kidsgrowth.com/resources/advicedetail.cfm?id=3424 www.peacehealth.org/kbase/topic/special/tp23472spec/sec1.htm

HTH.

normarae5 responded:

My son is 6 years old, and his father does the same thing that your talking about with putting his hands on his ears and pulling him up. I hate it. My son thinks its fun and ask for his Dad to to it. Now that he knows I have a problem with it. He does not do it any more. But it just does not look, right and does look like it could hurt the child, but what do you do if the child likes the ruff play with the father. If you do get some information on how harmful it can be, please share,I would love to know. I am sorry I could not be more of an help with your concern, However, I totally understand.

GnSwoosh responded:

Ask him if he became such an idiot because someone else did the same to him....gee!!! Or maybe how much he'd like someone 4 times his size to come up and pick him up by the head.

If you get a pediatrician to write this up it will be their duty to report this abuse to CPS, and God I hope they do.

brett02 responded:

WOW WOW WOW I cant believe there is a discusion on this stupidity . Your going to let a 3 year put all his wait on his spinal cord? You people are nuts I would never think of doing this to my son. Child Services Needs a call for the one person who says her husband does this to her son .

An_222259 responded:

I think for the safety of your grandchildren, you need to contact CPS right away with your concern.

Even if you had something in writing to show him, I don't think he would stop so contact CPS & get these children away from him asap before he seriously hurts one of them.

weekendworrior replied to An_222259's response:

I know i'm late but as for the lifting of by the head. A three year olds neck can hold over 200 lb as long as its a straight pull.
Neck injuries come from awkward loads, the neck is very strong.
how do you think the doctor gets you out the womb (by pulling you out by the head) As for other limbs its about how strong the muscles and ligaments are, jerking is unwanted, one arm may be too much for the rotator cup, legs are very strong. you have to remember a baby can hold its head up before it can walk, be nice till after 12 months

kimberilyc responded:

Well I just searched your exact same question because when my son was about 4 (he is 12 now), one of my brothers friends picked my son up by his head and lifted him up about 2 feet, then put him back down, and i was IN SHOCK! I still think about it. Last night one of my sons friends was about to lift my son up by the head and I said do not do that. He replied that his dad does it to him all the time. He said it never hurt him and it shouldn't be a problem unless the child jerked or something. But anywho I am totally against it and I think it is very reckless and stupid.

deannosaurus responded:

I have experience with this behavior.

My mother used to do this to myself and my two brothers, it was something that, as others have mentioned, we greatly enjoyed (don't know why now).

She is a nurse, and has been since before we were born.

If there is no roughhousing going on during the fun time I can't imagine this would be a problem. If the child was discomforted I would of course stop immediately and never try again.

When this was done to me it was a strictly upwards motion, no twisting or jerking was involved.

I am not a medical professional, just speaking from experience. I now have a child on the way and like others I want a healthy child and the thought of doing this crossed my mind and so I did a search, and that is how I found this thread.

I was not able to find any reason not to do this in a controlled manner.

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