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    12 year old step son pees and poops his pants
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    An_221682 posted:
    My step son is 12 years old and he still poops and pees on himself.
    We have full custody of his and his father has had him since he was 2 years old. AND before someone asks.... NO there is NO child abuse or inappropiate abuse.
    He does not do this everyday but at 12 this isnt right. I have 2 children of my own and NEVER had this problem. I have read on alot of sites and Im a bit confused. If his father and I dont make him poop every night he will not do it! We have to remind him everynight!!
    example: Friday night he had a friend stay the night and we forgot to remind him to go poop, then Saturday night he stayed at a friends house over night and we know that he didnt go! Come Sunday he came home, went on a bike ride and when he got home reeked of poop so bad sent him directly to the shower. We do make him wash his own underware out when this happens. My husband and I have only been married for going on 2 years but lived together about 1 year before.
    When I seen that he was doing this at the beginning, his father was tending to it and was washing is underware out and I told him not to. My step son cried the first few times that he washed them out but over 2 years later... it doesnt phase him, he just washes them out! And from what I understand he has always done this, this is not something that started when I came into the picture.

    Now, my next issue, he still pees his pants too.... regardless if hes awake or asleep, and this doesnt happen daily either. We stopped him from drinking anything after dinner and this helps but he still does this occasionally while awake!
    Both issues we have grounded him from things that he really enjoys and it works to the time period needed to enable him to get the things back. Then it starts all over again. Its to the point now... that my husband will talk to him when he does it but no punishment.
    Both my children know that my step son does these things and how do I punish them for doing something wrong when they see my step son can poop and pee on himself and get no punishment?
     
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    Boyzmomee replied to BurgherBaby's response:
    This is child abuse.
     
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    Boyzmomee replied to Lainey_WebMD_Staff's response:
    Good idea.
     
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    Worriedsick65 replied to 1homeschoolmomof3's response:
    I totally understand how you feel. My son was diagnosed with encopresis at the age of 5. He pulled a coffee pot over and burned his foot they put him on tylenol with codeine and this constipated him it took one time of having a hard stool then he refused to use the toilet. That was 10 years ago. I have taken him to every doctor I could and they all made me feel like I did something wrong. We have had many visits to the ER and he has been admitted for obstructions the last time he went two years ago they gave him an enema which seems to have done something terribly wrong as he has to wear depends because of the amount of leakage and he has now. He has lost the care in life, he showers and such but he is so used to the smell he can't smell himself anymore, he doesn't care if his hair is clean or dirty and to make sure he has enough depends to last he only takes showers in the morning before school so he sleeps in soilage he hides soiled towels and when his dad is around he hides his dirty depends in towel in his dresser or closet this makes the entire house reek. I am at my wits end and he doesn't want a girlfriend and gets very angry if I mention that he needs a shower. I try to be patient and understanding but I simply can't handle it anymore. I fear the path he on. I know that if I can smell him his classmates can too. He is such an awesome kid but this issue has made him into an angry recluse. He refuses to go to the doctor, I feel he is ashamed to go locally so I am going to take him to a Dr. 100 miles away. He can't even tell if has gone he has no feeling anymore. He almost failed wellness (PE) because he wouldn't dress out. When he was younger he couldn't stand to be dirty now he is the opposite. His father completely blames me and I feel very guilty but as I said I tried everything. Miralax in the food or drinks, counting fiber intake nothing worked. And at 15 he is old enough to know better even if he can't feel the urge I have explained to him that he needs to go in to the bathroom and try at least twice a day but I think he just goes in a stands around. He is 15 and demands privacy and I totally agree he deserves privacy at that age after all he is 6 ft tall and I don't want to embarrass him or see him with out his clothes on. I am frustrated and afraid that something bad will happen to him health wise or choice wise if something isn't done soon. Mom of 3 at home we are a like I also have three 15, 12 ,10 its so hard on my 15 yo he just verbally attacks us when anything is mentioned. Don't let anyone make you feel that it is your fault; it is not. You can put them on a toilet but you can not make them go. My son used to tell me all the time that he didn't care but he slipped and practically (without just saying it) begged for help. He doesn't feel normal. It wasn't until about a month ago when he really started to notice GIRLS that he started to act differently. Maybe puberty is the key. I read an article written by a frustrated mom that said her son was 16 when he finally helped himself and got the condition under control. I am hoping and praying things will work that way for my son after all being in a high school with 2400 students is hard enough without adding to it with a condition such as this. Prayers to you and I hope your son will come to his senses about it and understand that he needs to be the first to help himself before it spirals out of his control and may already have. I had to explain that i am not his enemy and that i am concerned and only want to help. Maybe he also has lost the urge or feeling. My son tells me he has no indication no cramps or upset stomach and doesn't know until he checks himself. Its so sad for them that they could have controlled it earlier on but know can't. I can't give it up and encourage not to either.Communicate with him and make him responsible. Thanks
     
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    Laursd replied to jamieca1's response:
    Hello All:

    While I know this is a super hard topic and some of each of these children are having this issue for different reasons, I do see a common thread running through these family descriptions. It seems that many of these children are foster or step children. Just the stress of divorce, parental separation, moving, etc. can be a source of encoprisis/ eneurisis for these kiddos. They feel like they have no control over their lives, and this is one thing that they can control. There are also other issues, low muscle tone, loss of sensation d/t chronic constipation even sensory issues (under-reactive). This may or may not be the caregivers fault- but what really matters is that people stop pointing fingers and find some sort of help for the child.
     
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    jamieca1 replied to Laursd's response:
    The following symptoms may be found in younger children:
    • sleep disturbances;
    • enuresis;
    • encopresis;
    • other regressive behavior (e.g., needing to take transitional object to school);
    • self-destructive or risk-taking behavior;
    • impulsivity, distractibility, difficulty concentrating (without a history of nonabusive etiology);
    • refusal to be left alone;
    • fear of the alleged offender;
    • fear of people of a specific type or gender;
    • firesetting (more characteristic of boy victims);
    • cruelty to animals (more characteristic of boy victims); and
    • role reversal in the family or pseudomaturity.
    symptoms that children maybe be getting abused from childwelfare.com -- I know my sister had lots of these symptoms and she was severely physically abused, but sexually abused as far as I know...
     
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    jamieca1 replied to Laursd's response:
    The following symptoms may be found in younger children:
    • sleep disturbances;
    • enuresis;
    • encopresis;
    • other regressive behavior (e.g., needing to take transitional object to school);
    • self-destructive or risk-taking behavior;
    • impulsivity, distractibility, difficulty concentrating (without a history of nonabusive etiology);
    • refusal to be left alone;
    • fear of the alleged offender;
    • fear of people of a specific type or gender;
    • firesetting (more characteristic of boy victims);
    • cruelty to animals (more characteristic of boy victims); and
    • role reversal in the family or pseudomaturity.
    a list of symptoms that childwelfar.org list if a child may potentially be the victim of abuse. This article is gearing more towards sexual abuse, but I know from reading that there are many overlapping symptoms from severe physical and emotional abuse and neglect of children.
     
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    jamieca1 replied to jamieca1's response:
    oops, that was childwelfare.gov
     
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    Bracema responded:
    Put him in diapers until the issues are resolved and make sure he knows he can't wear underwear till then
     
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    Boyzmomee replied to Bracema's response:
    Then CPS can be called.
     
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    cshyronia replied to Boyzmomee's response:
    Most of you seem to be judgemental. I had a cousin with the same issue. when i ask him why he does it he says he didnt want to stop playing . One day at school when he did it he didnt have extra clothes and all the school had was some purple pants for him to put on. He has never did it again. The mom said several time when she takes away something he likes he stops doing it when he gets the object back he starts again so obviously there is control. mybe u should listen instead just hear what u want.
     
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    Boyzmomee replied to cshyronia's response:
    This has nothing to do with judgement. It has to do with emotional abuse. Putting a 12 year old in diapers is emotional abuse.

    I am a professional in the child/adolescent mental health field. My comprehension is just fine.
     
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    cshyronia replied to Boyzmomee's response:
    if he has control issue like you suggested then he would have to be put in adult diaper until you can figure out what is the problem . probably considered abuse to let them sit in their own waste


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