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    12 year old step son pees and poops his pants
    An_221682 posted:
    My step son is 12 years old and he still poops and pees on himself.
    We have full custody of his and his father has had him since he was 2 years old. AND before someone asks.... NO there is NO child abuse or inappropiate abuse.
    He does not do this everyday but at 12 this isnt right. I have 2 children of my own and NEVER had this problem. I have read on alot of sites and Im a bit confused. If his father and I dont make him poop every night he will not do it! We have to remind him everynight!!
    example: Friday night he had a friend stay the night and we forgot to remind him to go poop, then Saturday night he stayed at a friends house over night and we know that he didnt go! Come Sunday he came home, went on a bike ride and when he got home reeked of poop so bad sent him directly to the shower. We do make him wash his own underware out when this happens. My husband and I have only been married for going on 2 years but lived together about 1 year before.
    When I seen that he was doing this at the beginning, his father was tending to it and was washing is underware out and I told him not to. My step son cried the first few times that he washed them out but over 2 years later... it doesnt phase him, he just washes them out! And from what I understand he has always done this, this is not something that started when I came into the picture.

    Now, my next issue, he still pees his pants too.... regardless if hes awake or asleep, and this doesnt happen daily either. We stopped him from drinking anything after dinner and this helps but he still does this occasionally while awake!
    Both issues we have grounded him from things that he really enjoys and it works to the time period needed to enable him to get the things back. Then it starts all over again. Its to the point now... that my husband will talk to him when he does it but no punishment.
    Both my children know that my step son does these things and how do I punish them for doing something wrong when they see my step son can poop and pee on himself and get no punishment?
    KBRosenblatt replied to 1homeschoolmomof3's response:
    Just wanted you to know there are some Mom's out there who do support and understand you. Namely, Me. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for your reactions or try and tell you how things "Are" in your life.

    I've been dealing with this with my 9 (almost 10) year old son all his life. And while it's been frustrating because I've made several pleas to his pediatrician who simply brushed off his unwillingness to potty as something that he would out grow. While I do believe that his behavior does originally stem from and has since resulted in medical and emotional issues, I also KNOW that while there are plenty of mental issues that he cannot be blamed for associated with his behavior/condition; his unwillingness to even TRY to help with fixing his behavior, his complete lack of acknowledgment of a problem, and his lack of emotional response to ANY tactic (including embarrassment, punishment, praise, bribery or even laxative treatment), IS something he should and I do make him take responsibility for. It is NOT all your fault!! Children DO have to take responsibility for deliberate choices and actions. They DO have to accept partial responsibility when it comes to bettering their life. By saying he is completely innocent and cannot help it is exacerbating the problem and teaching him to be a victim of uncontrolled factors in every part of his life (whatever they would be). It is allowing him to not only be co-dependant, but to pass blame completely onto others, mostly me as his mother.

    There are some of us who are in your corner with support and understanding, who are really there ourselves, and know not to judge or assume about someone else's life. Just thought you should know. You had it right when you said people who aren't living with this don't understand. But it goes beyond that. They don't know you or your every day life and to judge or put you down is intolerable. And I know, as a mom who deals with this, how much guilt and blame I already place on myself. People, especially other mothers who "say they know", have no right to add to that.

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