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    Am I The Only One Who's Devastated?
    An_220459 posted:
    I know that there are worse things. I've spent the day browsing the web to see information on women who are pregnant at 39, but I can't believe it. I did not try to get pregnant actually the opposite. I've been in the same relationship for 15 years, have a 13 year old daughter, we always practiced safe sex to avoid another pregnancy. I'm not particularly healthy, I smoke a little, I'm fat, I am not a raging alcoholic but I do drink, I'm 39, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN :( I was starting to think about my daughter's future and the excitement of her going away to college and all that it would bring. I'll be 60 by the time this baby is 20. Did anyone else feel this way ever? I know it's selfish but WOW. I'm floored and worried.
    VicsEandJ responded:
    I am sure you are not the only person to feel this way.
    It can certainly be a shock when life throws you a curveball that will completely change your life, so I think your feelings are pretty normal.

    I got pregnant for the first time at 38 ( DS was born one month before I turned 39 and I got pregnant with DD at 39. She was born when I was 40.I wasn't floored by it because I hadn't had kids before. I'd never even thought of having kids until I married my DH at nearly 37.

    If after the shock wears off, you decide that starting again is not such a bad idea- I too share your worry about being a senior citizen when my kids reach adulthood!- know that being 39 isn't too old to have a baby. I've never smoked, but I drink and definitely needed to lose a few pounds before I had my kids. But both pregnancies were relatively easy with uncomplicated deliveries, so it can be done. And now I have 2 healthy kids, one nearly 4 and one almot 2 1/2.

    And if it's too much for you, that's your choice too.

    (((HUGS))) and good luck!
    snh571 responded:
    You are not alone. I had a tubal scheduled for the middle of January, I found out I was pregnant in the middle of December. I have a 7 year old and am just ready to be done. My DS will be in the 7 th grade when this one goes to pre school. After my first OB apt I was taken off of all my meds and was ready to jump in front of a train. I have 7 weeks to go until my c-section and I have done practicaly nothing to get ready for the new LO. I've been on modified bedrest since I was 8 weeks.
    QueenOfStarWars replied to snh571's response:
    HUGS to both of you!!!! I hope when your LO smiles at you for the first time that you will be able to enjoy those precious moments.
    Jeannie (38); DH (41); DD 1 - EDD 12/23/2008 but born at 33 wks on 11/9/2008 DD 2 - EDD 10/18/2010 and born on 10/12/2010
    godfreyc replied to QueenOfStarWars's response:
    Thank goodness. I keep saying to myself I don't want to do this. My SO and I have been together 15 years it's not like it's some random guy, but he keeps saying how it will all be ok and we can do this. I'm nauseous and not eating and it's not the pregnancy, I felt perfectly fine until I got this news. Now all I want to do is go to bed and sleep. That's probably just depression. I know I'll get through this, what worries me is if I'll have feelings of resentment. snh571 I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one. My DD will be well into college before this LO will even start kindergarten. I keep telling myself that I'm a good person and a good mom and it's ok to feel like this, but mostly all I can do is cry. Thank you all for taking the time to respond. Good to know you're not alone....
    snh571 replied to godfreyc's response:
    I stayed in bed for about 7 weeks, my mother said that she thought that I was hybernating, since it was in Jan and feb. I didn't start to feel better about it untill my MFM doc put me on zoloft and welbutrine. I still don't feel like I'm for round 2 but at least I stopped crying about it everyday. I just have a melt down every once in a while. Usualy when I get criticised about how I am taking care of me an the LO. I have been on bed rest since mid December, at drs apt at least every other week if not every week since I got a positive HPT. I have gestational diabeties, cronic hypertention and I have had just about every pleasure in life taken away from me, so when some busy body decides to tell me I doing a lousy job monitering my diet or what ever I tend to go off the deep end. I mean really, try telling a pregnant lady that they shouldn't have 1 cup of icecream, even though the number of carbs invovled are with in my diet guidelines, that I'm only hurting the baby when I have a little bit of an indulgince.
    QueenOfStarWars replied to snh571's response:
    snh571 ,
    Oh my gosh. Do not beat yourself up. Being on bed rest along will make someone upset, angry, depressed, etc....

    PLUS, what preggo woman doesn't like a little ice cream? LOL

    People should be more sensitive (GRUMBLE). Hang in there, ladies!
    Jeannie (38); DH (41); DD 1 - EDD 12/23/2008 but born at 33 wks on 11/9/2008 DD 2 - EDD 10/18/2010 and born on 10/12/2010
    snh571 responded:
    I hope that you are feeling a little better now that some time has passed. I have 3 weeks till my c-section and still don't feel up to doing the baby thing again. I've at least got the stuff together for the LO. I hope that after delivery I come around.
    krista7601 replied to VicsEandJ's response:
    You are NOT the only one who is devastated...
    I had 2 babies 17 months apart, they are now ages 2 & 3.5. The last 1.5 years of my marriage have been VERY ROCKY, and we have been in counseling for 6 months. Things have JUST started to get better... and... BAM! IUD failed. I am 35, would be 36 when baby would arrive.

    I adore my sons, but it is hard work! Our youngest just started sleeping through the night at least 50% of the time. Our older one has only been potty trained for about 3-4 months.
    I got rid of ALL my baby stuff- car seat, bouncy seat, breast pump, nursing bras, maternity clothes, baby clothes... everything.

    DH & I have agreed for quite a while, since before things got really rocky, that another pregnancy/baby would pretty much be the death of our marriage. He's not good at "taking care of" a pregnant wife. He thinks the responsibility of a newborn is all on Mommy, since baby is nursing. He's a business owner & works long hours & barely brings home a paycheck.
    I have to keep my job to provide health insurance. I feel like I have 2 full time jobs already. I feel like I am the only one who does anything around the house- all the cooking, most of the cleaning, all the laundry, the dishes...etc.
    Thinking about paying for daycare for 3? UGH!

    I had to have my IUD (which was properly in place) removed right away, I was was OK with knowing that greatly increased the chance of miscarriage. The ultrasound I had on 6/28 read that I was at 5w1d. I go back next week (when I will be 6w2d) to see if there is a heartbeat. I'm scared there will be. I'm scared of the emotional roller coaster that all of this is going to send me on. I'm already taking wellbutrin that was prescribed during "rocky marriage" stuff. I'm scared DH won't be able to handle all the emotion involved- no matter what happens & no matter what decision we make about this pregnancy.

    No, you are NOT the only one who is Devastated...
    niblav responded:
    I've been looking for someone who felt this way, worried I was the only one. I'm kind of in the same boat - I'm 34, married for 11 years; my husband is 54 - we have four kids between us (none together til now), from ages 14-27. We have two grandchildren. Babies were not in the plan...

    Last week we were discussing his retirement and a two-month long cruise - diapers and baby names, definitely not. Neither of us are very happy about it - it's sad since it's really a happy thing. I haven't had morning sickness yet, but I've been nauseated since I found out just from the anxiety. I had my daughter when I was 18 and it wasn't this hard.

    I don't know what happens from here - we will have this baby, but it just wasn't in the plan and I want to be happy about it, instead I cry. The conflicting feelings are really really hard.
    74MyCrazyLife replied to krista7601's response:
    I am so glad there are these forums and discussions we can vent to. I so can understand what you both are going thru. I am 37 yrs old married and have two kids. Boys 12 &7. Just took a test yesterday and came back positive. I have an appt this thurs with my ob gyn. I believe i am 5 wks along. We also made up r minds 2 yrs ago that we didn't want anymore kids. I also have ms but am doing really well with it. Thank goodness! I also have had herpes for yrs! Hot mess i am huh? I really am husband is fine with whatever i decide which is great but i still don't know what i want. I've read up on the medical procedure of a termination and that sounds alot more less evasive. Am i wrong for even considering this??? So conflicted and sick over thos! Any advise?

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