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    The Green-Eyed Monster....
    goody722 posted:
    I have become a very jealous person, with Great trust issues. I need to learn coping skills to deal with my behavior. I know I'm bringing old relationships into this one, but when I see or think I see that which happen before I become a bear to deal with. I read the article and I think I can point to the lack of a committed relationship, yet she won't commit to one until I get my jealousy issues in check...Please help me I know she cares for me, I've even try to end this yet she wants to help me though this, I respectful ask for help with this I know I'm at the end here
    dfromspencer responded:
    Hey, I've been there, done that!!! I used to be so jealous, but then I realized that she was just as unsure as I was. Every time she would even talk to another guy, I would become enraged. Then we talked about that, and I came to realize we are all the same, and we have to place our trust in someone, right? Well, if she wants to help this much???? She must really be into you? No trust issues for you!!! Therefore, don't it stand to reason there would be no reason for jealousy, either??? She has proven to you how much she wants you, not the other guy, right? Well? I think if you just take a moment to think about that, I believe you will find your answer?! How can you be jealous of her, when she is the one to refuse to give up on you???

    Good luck, and I hope you guys have a long and happy life!

    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
    Rather than focusing on your behavior, you might want to focus on your feeling and thinking. When you notice that you are feeling jealous and having related thoughts, remind yourself that you often see problems in your last relationship in your current one. Consider whether you are doing it at that point. If you think you are, then talk with her about this.If you can't get enough perspective, talk with her or with a trusted friend about this. It's not easy to stay vigilent about being aware of your thinking and feeling, but doing so can help you see your current relationship for what it really is (and not project your past onto it).

    Also, keep in mind that good communication often helps relationships through difficult issues.

    I wish you well. And, if you think this community might be able to help you along the way, please continue to let us know.

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    Dr. Becker-Phelps is a well-respected psychologist, who is dedicated to helping people understand themselves and what they need to do to become emotio...More

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