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    Pregnant by married man
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    unreal478 posted:
    Hello, I'm 24 and pregnant by my married boyfriend. I didn't find out till after I was pregnant that he was married. We lived together for 6 months before I found out. Never once staying the night out until I kicked him out in anger. He forgot to take his ring off explaining to me that they are business partners and for certain customers they have to uphold that image.... I don't believe him. He's being very supportive about the pregnancy going to doctors trying to help with names even telling me the only way he will sign the certificate is if the baby is named after him and I'm not for it. He asked me to give him 5 months to get enough money to file for divorce and I can't do it. I want to abort but can't find the strength saying how we planned this baby together him asking me!!!! I'm beyond upset I'm in my feelings and honestly could use some insight....
     
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    fcl responded:
    First things first, do not make any major decision while angry ... sit down, cool off and think hard about what YOU want for your future. Remove your bf from the equation because he's just muddying the water for the time being. Do you want to keep your child and raise him/her as a single parent? Are your thoughts of abortion due to feelings of revenge towards your bf? Or do you just want him and all trace of him out of your life? Think long and hard about your motivation and about what you really want.

    Secondly, you don't need him to sign the birth certificate. Even if he does, the chances are high you would need to ask for a paternity test (as you're not married). So his signature changes nothing.

    I'm not sure I understand the part about him needing 5 months but you not being able to do that. Could you clarify what he wants you to do for 5 months and why you cannot?

    Right now, you are the one holding all of the cards and it's up to you to decide how you're going to deal them ...

    Keep us posted, will you?
    There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
     
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    dfromspencer responded:
    Hi, i'm with FCL on this. You need to have a clear head for what you are about to decide! This is no longer just the two of you, there is a new life to consider here. However, this does boil down too what YOU want in your life now, and in the future. That baby should have a say in this matter, if he is six months along like you think? Or, was that just the length of time you were with him totally? Either way, this is your life you need to worry about! Think long and hard about what it is YOU want, and need out of your life? Do you, as FCL posed, see yourself as a single mother? Can you see yourself raising this child alone?

    What about a job? Do you have a boss that will allow you time off for a pregnancy? How about where you live? Is this a family oriented place to live with a small child?

    These are but a few of the questions you need to answer prior to having this baby. The biggie for me is, do you have adequate funds to raise a child on your own? You can't rely on the good graces of others forever. There may be a time when you have to make some difficult decisions, are you mature enough for that? An example would be: If you knew for certain you could not afford to raise this child on your own, and also knew for certain no one would help you, could you make the decision to place this child for adoption at some point?

    I hope i'm not scaring you, that is not my intention! I only wish to give you some very important questions to ask yourself prior to deciding what to do about your baby? You see? I hope so!

    Whatever YOU decide to do, do it with a clear conscience. That will make any painful decision bearable. And like FCL said, "keep us posted, will you"?

    Dennis
    LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
     
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    unreal478 replied to fcl's response:
    Yes my thinking was definitely out of anger. But I am well enough to be a single parent but honestly who wants that? I've decided to go through with the pregnancy im not a believer in abortions and I'm way too horrified. We lived together for 6 months together for 1 year and honestly he's just married to someone else. I've talked to his wife and they're not together haven't been for 2 years but she doesn't want a divorce she's afraid of how it will look to her church and her family and their business. I understand where she's coming from but this situation is a lot so I just distanced myself from the whole thing. He's supportive and around for now but I'm not making it seem like we're gonna be together either.


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