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    Being a mother and grandmother
    Anon_11642 posted:
    Hi - will try not to make this long. I am a very sensitive person and it is hard to change what you are.

    I have 2 adult children and 4 grandchildren. My daughter has always made me feel that I am not as good as other mothers. I try but have certain personality problems and can't be real "cool" like her mother in law has always been for many years. I am a very nervous person and will always be - I work out every day and try to help myself but am always working at it to be more calm - probably will for the rest of my life.

    I really have a setback today - on facebook she posted all kinds of pics of her mother-in-law and wishing her a happy birthday with all these hugs and kisses and love and so super duper mother-in-law. Why is this bothering me so much today. I am going to see her on Monday next week but not sure if I want to go - it is always hard to schedule a day for her to spend with me. Maybe I should just give up and forget it and be my ole lonely self.

    Wish someone would respond to my hurt for so many years - what or how do I deal with this? My husband is supportive. I get along great with my son and help him all the time with his son although he lives in the same town as me. I wasn't always able or helpful to babysit for my daughter as she lived farther away and didn't like to do it without my husband helping me which wasn't always. I have done a little bit babysitting but not as much as her MIL does - I don't drive in big cities and am just not a "confident" person.

    I have friends - not all that bad of a person but just don't know how to deal with this today - when my granddaughter graduated from high school I was there of course but watching my daughter shower so much love and affection to her inlaws it made me sick. I never said a thing about it but you know action speaks louder than words.

    How do I handle my sad thoughts? Hope someone responds - hoping the psychologist on this board can help me - maybe I should get counseling and have a huge cry to get over my hurt. Thanks for listening.
    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
    I am sorry for your pain. While nothing can take it away, there are things you can do to soothe it. Many people find it helpful to reach out to those who support them (in your case, I assume this means your husband and friends). But after sharing some of the pain, they often find it helpful to focus on things that make them feel good -- spending fun time with friends, gardening, exercising, etc. It may or may not help to talk with your daughter, depending on the dynamics of your relationship. Your idea of seeing a therapist is a good one -- the person can be supportive, guide you in how best to cope with the situation with your daughter, and maybe even help you to become a more confident person.

    I wish you well with this and please feel free to reach back out to us if you need more support as you continue on.
    Anon_11642 replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
    hi again - if I did talk with my daughter about my hurt feelings I feel it will just make things worse. I can't make her like me more than her mother-in-law - she has helped her more than me. I babysat for her 2 kids when she lived in Oklahoma when she had her 3rd child - my husband had to work and I was alone but did it but was very stressed being alone in a strange state with her 2 kids. We got through it ok but if she only knew how stressed I was - anymore it seems everything makes me nervous but am too ashamed to tell anyone that except my husband.

    I am also worried about our country too and scared if Hillary gets in - I think I watch too much of that stuff.

    Anyway, thanks for trying to help me.
    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to Anon_11642's response:
    If you have no one to talk with who can be supportive and have nothing to do that can help you feel better, you might find it helpful to talk with a therapist. The person can be emotionally supportive and help you build inner strength to feel better about yourself and your life.
    dfromspencer replied to Anon_11642's response:

    I hope you found what you were looking for with Dr. Leslie? No one should ever be treated like your daughter treats you! She shows a lack of respect that deserves a slap upside the head! However, I feel she might be trying to make you buck up, or something? What I mean is; be more steady; more sure of yourself, maybe?

    I don't know if you should do this or not, but I think you need to just tell her off? Blurt it right out there, get all of your feelings out there in the open with her. Then, listen to what she has to say. You know, talk it out like grown ups? Also, take note of her gestures, mannerism's and such. That can be very telling, too. The main thing to do is to just get it talked out, honestly of course.

    There may be crying then?

    I wish you the best!


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