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    Self bulling revisted whats the oint?
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    Chips55 posted:
    Hi everyone,I recently watched the video again, and something. Caught my attention.. The part that Dr Phelps saying about the feelings. Whats the point ? I mean we. Should identify the feeling if. We can't be heard and always to. Just get over it, my since of thinking is so screwed up because of that logic
     
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    dfromspencer responded:
    Hi Deb,

    I'm sorry you are having this problem. No one should be put down for their feelings. Just get over it? Who says that to someone? If they are in a position of power, they need to use a little more tact.

    I think you need to find another counselor, and the sooner, the better.

    Debbie, you have my email address, anytime you need too, anytime you want too, I am always right here. Well, you know, right there. LOL! Sorry, couldn't help myself! We may not always connect at the same time, but I will always answer you, you already know this! If I can't help, at least I will listen to you. You know me, always willing to help.

    Everyone here is willing to help you, too! You can count on it!
    LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
     
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    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
    I understand what you are saying about what's the point of emotions and that you think you should just get over it. Many people think this way. But, think of it this way, would you tell that to your son? If your son were hurting, would you tell your son to stop being a baby and just get over it? Probably not. And if you did, do you think it would help him? Probably not. He might stop saying anything to you about it, but then he'd be struggling alone. Instead, you'd want him to feel cared about.

    You deserve -- and everyone deserves -- the same sense of feeling like they matter. If you are not getting it in some places, it can help to look for the places where you do get it. With much effort and openness to the message that they do matter, people can learn to feel that this is true for them. They can absorb that this message comes through at differing levels. For instance, a stranger might hold the door for them or ask if they are ok if they trip. A coworker might offer to help when they struggle with something work-related or personal. And when their efforts meet with a bit of good luck, they may find a friend or support system of people who are there on deeper levels. This is true for everyone -- including you. But part of this process is for people to allow themselves to see caring when it happens -- not to dismiss it with their feeling that no one cares. Then they can help themselves by revisiting the caring in their minds and putting themselves back in situations where people are likely to show caring.

    Because you have struggled so much, it is important that you have a therapist to help you with this. So, if you don't have one now, please consider reaching out again to find one.


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